domingo, 11 de diciembre de 2016


(Uttam's comments are in smaller letters below my play text)

23rd OF APRIL 2016
Especially clever of you to put in that way. But I think this foorth would have stood out without the quotation, just saying.

Good to see a jolly old chap popping up in the list.

"Lieutenant" should always be pronounced "leftenant" in this play.
Not just in this play! Always!

No sirrah. The other author, who led a more quiet life and wrote an even longer and more internationally canonical list of works, is the inspiration behind today's entertainment. Yes, the Bard of Avon. A plaque on all his houses! (Pause.) And today you will laugh and cry, tremble and think, with my own personal rendition of my favourite among his internationally renowned tragedies. So why not begin with a little exposition before we let our tale begin? And indeed, now is finally the time for the pentameter. (Clears throat)
A fortress on an isle between two realms
once stood, a tall and steadfast keep of war.
Here lived, during the reign of Charles the Fifth,
an ensign (sergeant major, in our days),
a righteous, honest man, Iago. This
is the story of everything he wrought.
Listen and see everything for yourselves!
Don’t know why but this sounded me like the narrator of Henry V, not exactly but in a distant déjà vu way. Nevertheless, liked the idea of you yourself coming to the stage.

IAGO (turns away from Roderigo, towards Sandra): And who are you, strange maid in stripling garb?
Hmm, oh you remind me Kumar Nagarkoti, that magical Nepalese writer. Oh, you’ve made me homesick with the story where author breaks the fantasy barrier and interacts with his characters.

SANDRA (right hand on heart): So shall it be, I promise and I swear.
I'll make it like a Tarantino film.
OH! Seatbelt fastened.

IAGO (harsh): Drown yourself? Drown kittens!! Only a twat would kill himself for heartbreak.
That’s a solid line.

IAGO (changing tune, now more cheerful): I hope you don't mind I am ruining your parents, for a little more of their fortune would suffice to buy the Moor and become his aide-de-camp. Having already saved his life thrice or four times upon the battlefield is not enough, it seems... (He strips his developed left arm, showing scar marks all the way up to the shoulder.)
Twatical it seems but don’t you think three or four times instead of thrice or four times sounds good? Trifling matter, no doubt.


OTHELLO: And thus, I promote hopeful young Cassio to the rank of Lieutenant... (He gives Cassio a fine sword and a nice plumed hat).
Nice transition of contrast. The ending of the previous scene contrasting with the beginning with a contrasting opening scene. Classic stuff.

IAGO (coldly): In the good old days, privates or non-coms became officers through good honest fighting. Nowadays an officer, for some reason, needs an education... and scarred veterans are left in the shade. Like... completely overlooked. Given non-com ranks in spite of their prowess... Yet I don't think anyone will see it coming... for I will poison their minds to break their ties, and then, once they are parted, strike them one by one in the back! If I were Othello or Cassio, I never would accept the Iago kind of fellow by my side... So I don't wear my heart upon my sleeve... The fun in the game is the fact that the cards are hidden. (Pause.) I am not what I am!
Iago as a victim of changing social orders, c’est bien.

IAGO: Everyone grows weary of too much chocolate at the end of the day.
What an aptly real quote!

IAGO (singing): Twas on the good ship Venus,
by Lord, you should have seen us!
The figurehead was a whore in bed,
and the mast a rampant penis...
Frigging in the rigging,
frigging in the rigging,
frigging in the rigging,
there was fuck all else to do! Skål!
This would have come, certainment.

IAGO (still on the table, pouring each officer a fourth drink, then clearing his throat and singing once more): What do you do with a drunk lieutenant,
What do you do with a drunk lieutenant,
What do you do with a drunk lieutenant,
early in the morning?
Hey, hey, and up she rises!
Hey, hey, and up she rises!
Hey, hey, and up she rises,
early in the morning!
Put him in the guardroom till he’s sober,
Put him in the guardroom till he’s sober,
Put him in the guardroom till he’s sober,
early in the morning!
Hey, hey, and up she rises!
Hey, hey, and up she rises!
Hey, hey, and up she rises,
early in the morning! Skål! (He raises his glass, and so do all others, and they clink and drain their glasses, including Cassio).
Haha, forever the Irish!

CASSIO (slurred): Of course, Iago... Tsk! Tsk! (Difficultly getting up) I am not dwunk, good folk, I am not dwunk at all. (Waving his left hand) Thish ish my wight 'and. (Waving his right hand) Thish ish my weft 'and. I gan tell weft fom wight, yoo shee. (Walking a few steps, staggering) Weft, wight, weft, wight. I can shpeag perfegdly and walk in a shtwaight wine. Don't shink I em intoshigay... how wash it?
Just like when I was d….. Floodgates of nostalgia…

IAGO (cheerful): Anyway, Lieutenant, in my own humble opinion, young people should let down their hair every now and then. If something's off limits, that doesn't mean it's the end of times if you dare to try it. Lieutenant, we all have learned most the things we know through trial and error. (Pause.) Now try to remember what happened last evening. Anyway, how much liquor went under your belt? How strong was it? And why were you swishing your sword all over the place?
The silver tongued devil…

RODERIGO (sighing): All right. Now... (singing from Jesus Christ Superstar): I don't know how to love her... what to do, how to mo-o-ove her... I've been changed, really changed, in these past few days... (Wincing, pointing at his black left eye.) I knew from the start that love hurts... but never that it should be taken literally. Guess I should stop following that elusive white whale and find myself a new prey, preferently a dark, sexier one...
IAGO (soothing): Where's the spirit, eh? Where's that never-give-up attitude? Keep calm and carry on! All good things come to those to wait! Now… Your picture of this evening is too narrow, so let me broaden it for you: Lieutenant Prettyboy gave you a black eye, which hurts for sure; but we shattered his reputation... now that hurts even more than bodily pain! Think of being in his place now...
RODERIGO (sighing): Once more, you're right as always, Iago. Ever so effing right. Demoted to ensign and ill at ease with hangover... I would never like to be in his place at all. (Pause.)
Don’t know why but I have been thinking of them as being played by Rowan Atkinson and Tony Robinson all along. Blackadder and Baldrick.

IAGO (concerned): Now, before I got promoted, I was Cassio's orderly. Shared the lieutenant's quarters. So there was this time I couldn't sleep at night... There's only one bed in each officer's quarters. So I stayed awake all night, with Cassio sleeping soundly by my side... Then, suddenly, he grabs me, hugs me tight, as if I were his living plushie... and then I learned he was a sleep-talker. Never noticed it before. Laid his left thigh on my right as he embraced me and sighed and said something like "Let me kiss you, sweetie." "You mean the world to me." "I wish this would never end..." Well, and he kissed me right on the lips. Once, twice, thrice. As the night went on, he went from slight pecks through butterfly kisses to French kisses, all while clutching me tight...

Oh, remember you once told this when you told me on how lieutenant is pronounced leftenant?

BIANCA: Guess Kurt and the surgeon are coming.
IAGO: Take good care of the lieutenant! He... he means the world to me!
Indeed he does.

Yet that's another story, friends, as well.
The curtain will now fall, and everyone
will us salute, even the dead, reborn,
and Cassio just healed of his injury,
for now, we'll return to reality
and realize it all has been a play
to entertain you, friends, on any day.
Yeah, the audience might clamour for sequel, or even a prequel if Iago had similarly carried out his unsuccessful plots elsewhere before he met Othello? Anyhow, I wouldn’t think Iago was this corrupt soul from the start but from this play due to reasons too obvious to state.

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