sábado, 22 de marzo de 2014


The third arc of The Ringstetten Saga is here! Set during the Age of Enlightenment, it chronicles the exploits of three separated siblings, making it three stories in one. So I found it a hard task to introduce it, but here it is! The expected conclusion, with war, battles, love affairs, an expedition, croquet, afternoon tea, royals, liquor, sweets, Cossacks... have I forgotten anything?
Anyway, here is some Ringstetten humour. It may contain SPOILERS, so be wary in the Arc III section!

Arc III (spoilers ahead!)
If the Ringstetten siblings (and Erika) studied at Hogwarts, how would they be sorted?
Kristian would be a Ravenclaw (and Erika too).
Ulrika would be a Hufflepuff.
Krister would be a Gryffindor.

If the Ringstetten siblings were the Lannisters?
Ulrika: Cersei, the dazzling belle with the golden hair and the unconsiderate spouse who cheats on him in return.
Krister: Jaime, the reckless and deviant heartthrob on the path to reformation.
Kristian: Tyrion. The brains, and the Voltairian one with the dark-haired crush.

If the Ringstetten siblings were the Baratheons?
Ulrika: Robert. ÜBER-Self-indulgent, unhappily married to a cheated-on cheater.
Kristian: Stannis. The stern and reserved one with an awkward love interest.
Krister: Renly. The outspoken and lovable queer one who gets married after all.

Arc II
Do you view Gustav Adolf and Katinka as either...
Jaime and Brienne
Eurydice and Orpheus, gender-flipped
Harry and Ginny
Othello and Desdemona, minus tragic ending
A couple of über-cute bunnies?

There is a hint that Vlad is queer and in love with Gustav Adolf.

Charles XII may also be queer. Think of Renly plus Stannis, the dark side of both (Loras plus Mel being Rehnskiöld).

En route to Poltava. A white hare stops in the middle of the highway to take a Nuremberg Egg watch out of a scarlet doublet. The hare leaps into a warren across the highway.
REHNSKIÖLD.: Maybe this leads us somewhere special...
CHARLES: Those Slavs are pretty good at evasives... So! Onward!

En route to Poltava. Two white hares are making love on the highway, right before the Swedish ranks.
PATHFINDER: This is one... bad... omen.
CHARLES (sarcastic): What kind of omen!
PATHFINDER: The Czar's gonna f**k us up.

En route to Poltava. A white hare crosses the highway right before the Swedes. A dark-haired youth in a Cossack's uniform runs after the hare, shouting: "Hey! Domovoy!". Charles himself shoots him in the right side. A red-haired and freckled camp follower, dead ringer for Liselotte, leaves the Swedish ranks with the young Cossack and the hare. They find shelter in a cave.
REDHEAD: My name is Britt. I will do you no harm as long as you stay here, laying on this fur...
COSSACK: Mine is Ivan Shnezhevich. I'm the bastard son of a landowner. Joined the army with my pet hare to escape my stepfamily.
BRITT: You don't know anything, Ivan Shnezhevich. We are not enemies... they kiss and make love in the cave.

En route to Poltava. A white hare, which had been in ambush on the highway, lunges at the throat of a riding Charles XII. It misses, to gnaw at a soldier's throat instead.
CHARLES: Something's a miss.

Arc I
If the leading cast went to Hogwarts, how would they be sorted?
Gerhard, Liselotte, Alois: Gryffindors.
Charles, Yvonne, Hedwig: Hufflepuff.

If The Ringstetten Saga were Game of Thrones????
Gerhard von Ringstetten: Loras Tyrell. Fair-haired, somewhat deviant (a fling with Gustavus and bromance with Alois). And has a little sister married to the most popular character in the arc, who turns out to be his life partner. And he gets obsessed with revenge for a while.
Hedwig von Ringstetten: Margaery Tyrell. For being the sweet and ostensibly demure little sister to Loras/Gerhard and married to his somewhat queer betrothed.
Alois van Lijd-Ivanovic: Renly Baratheon. Dark, merry, popular within and without the 'verse. And married to his life partner's li'l sis (OK, Alois doesn't die, but he is presumed dead half-way across the series).
Liselotte von Tarlenheim: Brienne of Tarth. A resourceful tomboy in the queers' circle, and in love with one of the queers. And Liselotte can take on an adult brown bear, by the way!
Gustavus Adolphus: Robb Stark. Reckless and pretty short-lived. A royal from the northern lands, an awesome freedom fighter. Killed in battle, then mistreated horribly.
Mary Eleanor: Roslin Frey. The intended bride. This is an AU in which Robb has not chosen to marry some medic from Essos, but the Red Wedding has, as a Lannister ploy, actually taken place (and, unlike Talisa, Roslin lives to tell the gruesome tale).
Jean 't Serclaës de Tilly: Stannis Baratheon. A stern zealot and a teetotaller. Never smiles. Loves executing heretics. And is responsible for the character arc of Renly/Alois, with whom he is connected.
Gottfried zu Pappenheim: Melisandre. For Scar-Heinz is to the Old Walloon as Mel is to Stannis. Such is their tense relationship, in which the more deviant second-in-command is the one in control.
Albrecht von Wallenstein: Tywin Lannister. Wealthy. Tricky. Leader/patriarch of the most powerful clan in the land. Uses his children as pawns. Feuding against Stannis/Tilly, of all people.
Kaiser Ferdinand II: Joffrey Baratheon, if aged down to his teens and exaggerated up to eleven.
Charles de Vaux: Jon Snow. Dark-haired and aspiring to prove his worth.
Yvonne de Lacey: Ygritte. Has a tense relationship with Charles/Jon. They do.
Cardinal Richelieu: Petyr Baelish. A courtier with power over the Crown itself, and the chessmaster pulling a lot of relevant strings.

1 comentario:

  1. Cardinal Richelieu: Petyr Baelish. This is the most justified comparison.