EL INFIERNO DE DANTE - SEGÚN SANDRA DERMARK

Para Dante Alighieri, la Tierra es hueca y es como un juego de matriushkas, muñecas rusas. Infiernos dentro de infiernos dentro de infiernos, cada uno un mundo diferente para castigar unas faltas diferentes, todo concéntrico. Como muñecas rusas encastradas unas dentro de otras. ¿Eso lo entienden, lectores?
Así que he decidido explicaros los infiernos del más superficial al más profundo --el Cócito, imaginado por Dante como una cueva de hielo (Cocytus=think Snow Queen's palace). Cubriré el Cócito al final del comentario.
DE MODO QUE:
DEJAD TODA ESPERANZA SI OS ATREVÍS A SEGUIRME...
1er infierno: lujuria (hetero) - supervisados por los jueces del inframundo (esos tres), los lujuriosos son arrastrados por un ciclón como el del Mago de Oz a una velocidad de vértigo.
2o infierno: gula - Cerbero juega con los pecadores como si fueran pelotas de tenis, están hundidos en un fango muy denso (tipo mud wrestling). Añade que caen del techo bolas de granizo, del tamaño de pelotas de tenis.
3o infierno: codicia/avaricia (pero aquí no están los corruptos; les veremos más al fondo): - tienen que correr llevando un pesado lastre que no pueden quitarse fijo a cada mano. Aquí también, por lo visto, se castiga el síndrome de Diógenes...
4o infierno: ira+pereza (¡dos de un tiro!); la Estigia, una laguna poco profunda: los iracundos más leves (a Jack el Destripador y al Monstruo de Amstetten entre otros les encontraremos en el Flegetonte, un poco más abajo) se lían a porrazos sin cesar como si fuera mud wrestling sin límites y sin reglas; mientras los vagos, atados al fondo de la Estigia, son linchados sin cesar por los iracundos. Aquí está ¿quién si no? Caronte al mando de un barco que es el único modo seguro de cruzar.
5o infierno: ateos: son asados en sepulcros/féretros de piedra rodeados de llamas. No me gustaría acabar como un plato de canelones.
6o infierno: el f-ing Flegetonte y las cosas se ponen muuuy interesantes. Centauros, entre ellos Neso y Quirón, patrullan las orillas de la colada de lava y sangre al rojo vivo, donde los violentos, sádicos, dictadores... están sumergidos sin poder escapar, y torturan a dichos reos. Al otro lado del Flegetonte, chispas de lava surgidas de su corriente caen como nieve ardiente sobre prestamistas, violadores (no importa si se hayan servido de drogas o no) y personas con parafilias extremas (zoofilia, pedofilia, masoquismo... cualquier parafilia que pueda dañarlos a ellos mismos y a otros) que han de correr sin cesar en la tormenta de nieve de fuego. Sin mencionar los árboles carbonizados por el calor del Flegetonte sobre los que anidan y se posan las arpías: estos fueron suicidas en su vida terrenal.
7o infierno: Malasfosas (Malebolge); castigo al engaño en todas sus formas. A continuación os doy un repaso fosa por fosa:
-Fosa i: seductor@s rompecorazones, de los que se aprovechan del amor inocente de otr@s y les dejan como muñec@s usad@s por otr@s. Son obligados a un constante castigo de baquetas a la prusiana.
-Fosa ii: adulador@s. Les han enterrado en compost (basura orgánica, incluyendo orina, heces...) sin poder escapar.
-Fosa iii: religiosos corruptos. Cuelgan del revés en agujeros llenos de fuego, dejando despuntar las piernas y los pies.
-Fosa iv: adivin@s. Les han girado la cabeza 180º como a la niña del Exorcista y no pueden ponérsela del derecho. Por eso caminan a paso de cangrejo.
-Fosa v: políticos corruptos. Sumergidos en un pozo de brea hirviente. Viene a ser como el Flegetonte pero con brea/alquitrán en vez de lava o sangre. Salvo que, en vez de los centauros, tienen por verdugos a unos diablillos que usan su puntiaguda cola como látigo.
-Fosa vi: hipócritas no afiliad@s al Estado ni a la Iglesia, entre ellos las beatas. Llevan capas de brocado de seda e hilo de oro... con el forro de plomo, lleno de plomitos como los del sedal de pescar, y no se los pueden quitar.
-Fosa vii: ladrones. Atrapados en un foso de serpientes, donde pueden hallar el tormento por medio de una anaconda verde hembra de ocho metros de largo, del veneno de cobra o krait... hay muchísimas posibilidades. Según mis especulaciones, el propio borde del foso es una titanoboa que se muerde la cola, a modo de Jordmungandr o uróvoro.
-Fosa viii: consejeros traidores, Yagos, Palpatines y demás. Encerrados en capullos de fuego que les desfiguran la cara y les lamen la piel constantemente. También se asfixian y les cuesta siempre hablar y tragar.
-Fosa ix: sembradores de discordia, revolucionarios extremistas. Son descuartizados constantemente a estocadas y las heridas siempre les duelen. Nada más sellarse las heridas, les vuelven a descuartizar.
-Fosa x: falsificadores. Dependiendo de lo que falsificaron en vida, han contraído una enfermedad incurable u otra: los ladrones de identidad tienen la rabia, los falsificadores de moneda tienen la gota, los que falsificaron arte y otros objetos de valor (excepto moneda) están leprosos y los que dieron falso testimonio sufren de fiebre palúdica o malaria. Los autores de fandom no aparecen aquí, y encima Dante escribió la Comedia como un fic épico de la cultura clásica y los pecados capitales... de modo que allí la gente como servidora no acabará.
8º infierno: el Cócito. El F-ing Cócito. Todo es hielo azul en la oscuridad más profunda, y los traidores son los tropezones de este helado de agua tan duro. El Cócito está vigilado por los Titanes, y no quiero decir Annie, Rainer, Bertolt... sino Efialtes, Ticio, Tifón, los ciembrazos... los Titanes de la generación de Cronos. Aquí los traidores están clasificados según sus víctimas.
-Cócito i: Caína, traidores a la familia. Hundidos en hielo hasta el cuello.
-Cócito ii: Antenora, traidores a la patria y/o al partido político. Hundidos en hielo hasta los ojos. Tienen los ojos fuera.
-Cócito iii: Ptolomea, traidores a los amigos y/o a los invitados. Tienen la nuca fuera y la cara hundida en el hielo, de modo que tienen los ojos helados y las lágrimas se les congelan.
-Cócito iv: Judería/Judecca, traidores a causas superiores a las otras tres antes mencionadas (ideales, religiones...). Están completamente congelados, como arañas de broma de plástico dentro de sus cubitos de hielo. En medio del Cócito se halla Satanás, con tres cabezas, chupando constantemente tres cubitos -uno en cada boca- que contienen a Judas Iscariote y a los cabecillas del asesinato de Julio César.
A los pies de Satán se halla una galería estrecha, como madriguera de conejos, por la que discurre un curso de agua del Cócito deshelada; esta es la fuente del Leteo. Síguela todo recto y te hallarás en la superficie, en una isla en medio del Pacífico con aspecto de tarta nupcial de unos siete u ocho pisos, por los que fluye el Leteo. Esta tierra es el Purgatorio, en cuya cima no hallarás los novios de la tarta; pero sí el Paraíso y una laguna letea donde borrar todos tus recuerdos. Pero no sin antes atravesar las pruebas de los pisos del Purgatorio, sobre los cuales puede que os hable en otra entrada más adelante.

EPÍLOGO - EL VIEJO DE CRETA

En que os explico el origen de la Estigia, del Flegetonte y del Cócito (y, por extensión, del Leteo) según messer Alighieri.

La isla de Creta, en su día cuna de la cultura griega clásica, es hoy en día una región en que tanto la acción del ser humano como la naturaleza han caído lo más bajo que se puede. Debajo de Creta reside un coloso con forma de varón entrado en años, con las espaldas a Oriente y mirando en dirección a Roma (y, por extensión, o a Marsella o als Països Catalans); supuestamente se trata del titán Crono. Su cabeza es de oro puro (24 quilates como mínimo); los brazos hasta la punta del dedo corazón y el pecho hasta el apéndice xifoides, de plata de ley; el vientre hasta las ingles, de un bronce cubierto de pátina verde; la pierna izquierda hasta la punta del pie, que tiene suspendida en el aire, y la derecha hasta el tobillo, de hierro tan oxidado como la superficie de Marte; y el pie derecho, sobre el que se apoya todo el coloso, de terracota. Desde que Crono fue confinado bajo la isla de Creta por su hijo Zeus, no ha dejado de llorar; sus lágrimas, que no le afectan al rostro ni al pecho, le han dañado el vientre y las piernas formando fisuras durante eones antes de caer al suelo y, filtrándose en el subsuelo calizo, dan nacimiento a los cursos del inframundo mencionados en este epílogo.

TALES OF ORION, OR MOUNTAIN-MAN

TALES OF ORION, OR MOUNTAIN-MAN 

Looking over any sea on a cloudless night, where water ends and sky begins can be difficult to tell, the waters of the ocean as dark as the heavens and seeming as mysteriously, unfathomably deep to land-dwellers.
 Some say the mother of burly Mountain Man, Orion, was the great earth herself, Gaia, and his father was the titan Atlas, whose feet are planted on the floor of the deepest ocean canyon, the highest heavens weighing upon his broad, muscle-knotted shoulders. Then others say Orion's mother was one of the three snake-haired Terrors, the Gorgon Euryale, the Wide-Ranging One of the wide threshing floor, or perhaps, again, Gaia, and his father the great ruling spirit of the ocean, Poseidon, Lord of the Goddess. Whoever Mountain Man's parents, their son was a giant so tall that when he waded in the ocean, even where the waters were at their deepest, his head could crest their surface in calm or storm, his thick, unruly mountain man beard floating like seaweed in the salty foam.
Mountain Man was born long ago. When it was cold, during a time of great glaciers when ice blanketed the northern lands, the era we mortals call the First Ice Age, he was already walking the earth. His chest, back, and shoulders were covered with thick hair, as were his arms and legs. The hair on his head was long and tangled. He was a brother to the wild animals, drinking water from the springs alongside them, eating alongside them. They had no fear of him. They never fled from him.

1

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Mountain Man was so huge and hairy that when the earth began to warm, the ice melting and flowers and plants appearing where none had been before, some humans happened upon him and believing the hair on his chest was grain began to cut it. Then Orion, who had been napping, moved and the threshers fell in terror. "This is a giant," they said, and remembering the old tales of the Mountain Man, they went away to discuss the problem of the Mountain Man, for though wild animals had no fear of him, people did.
"His might demands our respect," they said. "But his size and wildness make him a dangerous threat when going amongst humans. He must be civilized. He will destroy us otherwise."
So, Mountain Man was married to Side, a mortal woman esteemed powerful enough, more than attractive enough to introduce Mountain Man to the world of human affairs. Side was versed in all the secret rites and prayers of men, and when Side was finished with him, Mountain Man was no longer Mountain Man, but Orion, and the meaning of his name and who he was became more distant to the civilized world with each passing year. When he attempted to return to the world of his wild animal brothers, they fled from him now, saying, "He is no longer one of us." Orion had the perfume of Side and the scent of civilization on him. He was of both realms now, yet did not fully belong to either. So, with his knowledge of the wild, Orion became a great hunter who would be praised by men. He wore about his waist a hunter's belt which had, at its middle and to either side, three fine decorative pieces of metalwork which shone like fire at night and distinguished Orion's belt from all others. On his belt was hung his hunting dagger, the metal of which now shines in the sky as the Orion Nebula. His favorite assistants in the hunt were his two dogs, the foremost called Sirius, who always followed him, his constant companions.
His two dogs following after him, Orion stepped into the ocean and waded the waters to Chios, that Greek island in the Aegean sea off the western coast of Turkey where dwelt a famous school of epic poets, home of Homer. The ruler at the time was Oinopoionas, the Wine-Maker, grandson of King Minos of Crete by his daughter Ariadne and Dionysus.

2

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From the distance, Oinopoionas saw Orion coming, as did the eloquent Merope in her bee-mask, protector of the beehive, performing her bear dance. They watched from the palace at Hyria, the beehive, Orion arrive from his homeland of Hyria at Boeotia. And perhaps it was this dance that attracted Orion, the great hunter. For as a great hunter he walked in the spirit of the great huntress, Artemis, the she-bear. Others say that Orion came to Chios, promised Merope in marriage if he, the tamed Mountain Man, would free the island of its wild beasts. Others say he came to Chios and it was then the promise of Merope in marriage was made, on the stipulation he would rid the island of its wild beasts, a delaying ruse. But I believe the dance of bears and bees attracted him. That he was called from Hyria to Hyria by the bees' dance.
Who best to free Chios of its beasts than Orion, once so intimate with their natures that he ate and drank with them. Who best to free Chios of its beasts than Orion, civilized, who retained knowledge of their natures, but from whom the beasts now fled even as he stepped ashore, his dogs following, rain at their heels. Ruthless, his eye on Merope, during the day he pursued the beasts one after another, felling them, heaping mounds of pelts at the feet of Oinopoionas. At night, Oinopoionas plied Orion with the thick intoxicating honey-wine of Chios. Seeming unwilling to permit Orion the promised Merope, the wine-maker said, "There are yet more beasts in the hills, Orion. You say you have exterminated them all, but either you lie or you are unaware of the wolves, the lions, the bears who still lurk there."
Drunk, Orion forced himself into Merope's chamber. In the morning, drunk, he sank into a deep stupor, a sleep so deep he was a breath away from death.
 When Orion awoke, the world was still dark. He heard the sound of the sea, felt the waves lapping at the soles of his feet, the sand a gritty bed. He was on the seashore, not in the palace. He felt the sun's radiance but when he opened his eyes he was unable to see it. Putting his hands to his eyes, he found his eye sockets were empty.

3

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 Head buzzing with the hangover of the honey-wine with which he'd been intoxicated, Orion heard Merope whisper, "Mountain Man, the wine-maker has done this to you, which is your price for exacting the skins of all the wild beasts of Chios and daring to enter my chamber. If you wish your sight to be restored, travel to the east, towards the sun at the point where he first rises from the ocean. When his first rays bathe your empty eye-sockets, you will see once again."
Orion reached out to seize Merope, but where his hand fell she wasn't. Ill, he lay a long while. Finally, he slowly raised himself from the seashore, where he'd been cast from the palace. He stepped into the ocean. It was spring, the safe season of sailing, and the mariners marveled at the Mountain Man striding sightless through the ocean.
Orion followed what he could hear, and what he could hear was the compelling hammer of Hephaestus, clang, clang, clang clang, the blacksmith striking the instrument against his anvil. Arriving at Lemnos, where Hephaestus had landed when cast out of Olympus, he went down into the underground chamber where the blacksmith labored around the clock, his hammer evolving ingenious works out of the metals of the earth.
Orion was dripping wet with the ocean, then bathed in sweat from the exhertions of the cavern in its extreme heat.
What do you seek," Hephaestus asked.
The Sun, at the world's end where his light rises from the ocean," Orion replied.
What guided you here?" Hephaestus inquired.
The ringing of your hammer guided me here," Orion answered.
Hephaestus called his assistant Cedalion and placed him on Orion's shoulders. The little man riding atop the great one, together they climbed out of Hephaestus' forge where they shivered terribly in the cool air. "This way," Cedalion said, urging Orion on with his knees as one would a horse, and Orion obeyed, wading back out into the deep ocean.

4

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On they went, ever eastward, to Colchis, which Herodotus believed a colony founded in ancient times by the Egyptians. And Orion never doubted for an instant his sight would be returned to him once he reached the world's end.
At Colchis slept the Sun-God nightly in the house of Aietes, until in the morning awakened by his sister Eos. She was lifting her head from her pillow when she was greeted by a strange sight, a giant head wading through the waters, and above this a man. "Look, Apollo," she said, rousing her brother. As the Sun-God raised his eyes, his notice falling upon Orion, under that primal light, sight was restored to Orion's empty eye sockets. Exhausted from his journey, wooed by Eos who had fallen in love with him, Orion remained in the athlete's house all summer with the plan of regaining his strength. But waking each morning under Eos's care, in the peculiar light of the dawn his new eyes observed his skin becoming more and more transparent.
It was time. Orion returned to Chios. He sought vengeance for the journey exacted on him by Oinopoionas, that's what most say. However, if Mountain Man had been able to find Helios, he hadn't the fortune to discover the hiding place of the Wine-Maker, who had secreted himself with his mead vats deep in an underground chamber made for him by Hephaestus. Orion reasoned wrongly that Oinopoionas, if he couldn't be found at Chios, must be at Crete, in the palace of his grandfather. Again, he stepped into the water.
Winter was ending when the Mountain Man arrived at Crete, where also dwelt Artemis, the Full Moon incarnate, the divine mistress of wild animals, the Many-Breasted One. Still believing himself protected by Eos, though every morning he saw with her his skin became more transparent, Orion had traveled with her to Crete. The Mountain Man who had gathered for Oinopoionas the skins of the beasts of Chios, was growing faint, but he felt revived in the presence of Artemis, who said to him, "Come, let us hunt together, you and I, the Mistress of Wild Animals and Orion, the Mountain Man, their Master."
They would hunt at Delos, the place where things will be made clear, seat of the great oracle of Apollo, who was also Artemis' brother.

5

 A last time, Mountain Man entered the waters, still with Eos. They were not alone. A beast, unlike any the Mountain Man had before confronted, pursued him, conjured by Gaia at Apollo's urging, lest Artemis become enthralled with Orion as had Eos, lest the Sun's other sister, still a maiden, be seduced by the titan. High into the sky its tail rose and curled, a death-dealing sting at its tip. A scorpion. Orion tried his arrows, his club, every means at his disposal, but the creature defied him, its thick armor impervious to assault.
I am master of the beasts," Orion shouted.
The scorpion behaved as though it had never heard of the great hunter from whom all wild things fled. It pursued, and Orion fled before it toward Delos.
On the beach at Delos, Apollo, the driver of the Sun-Car, the destroyer of the Python, by which act he gained his oracular powers, stood beside Artemis, waiting. "Do you see that object on the sea's horizon?" he asked his sister. "Over there by Ortygia, the island of Calypso, the Concealer?"
"I do," replied Artemis.
"That is the head of Candaon, who has just seduced one of your sacred Northern priestesses, your mountain dedicant, Opos. I wonder if you can meet the challenge of striking it from here."
Now, Artemis should have known that Candaon was the Boeotian name of Orion. But this is how the story goes, that she didn't recognize the name as belonging to the Mountain Man, and raising her bow, took aim and fired three arrows.
Orion dead, his shade descended, and Artemis placed his image in the sky so that he may be remembered, forever following the hare and the bull in hunt, forever followed by his faithful dogs, and Scorpio.

PARTIAL REVIEW: FOODFIGHT!

Characters straight out of the uncanny valley (all, except the leading cast, meant to represent certain US grocery mascots), reptilian Nazi military going "BRAND X, BRAND X, BRAND X..." Yes, we're talking about Foodfight! That film so bad that it cannot be good, reviewed by the Nostalgia Critic among many other detractors.
Yet the most fricking emetic feature of Foodfight! are, IMOHO, a pair of secondary characters who embody negative stereotypes. To begin with, this cumshot of an ENT schnoz:

Dr. Si Nustrix, mascot for some fictional nasal over-the-counter drug.

And 80% schnoz (Yiddish for "nose," a word used of the large aquiline nose of stereotypical Jews).

As you can see, he is a caricature of a Jew, resembling Nazi depictions of Hebrew people. He looks like the "Jewshrooms" on the cover of Third Reich-era German storybook Der Giftpilz (The Poison Mushroom).

Si Nustrix also speaks with a nasal voice, fitting for such a schnoz, and has a neurotic/angsty personality.

In contrast, here's Yadoa, the old scholar and one of Princess Chamsous-Sabah's many tutors.

A man of the world who has seen and suffered a lot, 

speaker of many languages and keeper of eldritch knowledge.

This is what a Jew should rather look like in fiction. 

The only clues about his heritage are the fact that he speaks Hebrew (which he lectures his young ward in) and the Star of David on his study wall.

As he explains in French, his mother tongue: « Nous venons du même pays mais comme mon arrière-arrière-grand-père était né au loin, on me traitait d’étranger et on me tourmentait. J’ai dû me réfugier ici, où je poursuis mes recherches et j’enseigne le grec et l’hébreu à la princesse Chamsous Sabah. »

(He also sees great potential in his disciple:  (« Tout l’intéresse, elle est aussi intelligente que jolie, élevée avec les meilleurs précepteurs des quatre coins du monde et parle plusieurs langues. »)

If you have forgotten her own backstory: un personnage courageux et intrépide féminin. Elle est toujours vaillante, et son optimisme est de taille à tout surmonter: « Tous les hommes de ma famille ont été empoisonnés ou tués au combat, soit avec des ennemis soit entre eux. C’est triste. Oui mais il ne faut pas l’être, on n’en finirait pas. C’est à notre tour de vivre et d’être utiles. » Quand on demande à la princesse si la couleur de ses yeux ne la dérange pas, elle parle d’« enfantillages ».

For a positive depiction of a present-day Jew, Howard Wolowitz from The Big Bang Theory appears to be the best candidate. A US Jew who is also a NASA space engineer, suave and tenderhearted. Howard is a tad eccentric and a polyglot like Yadoa above...

In short: Nasal Jew: wrong. NASA (or royal scholar) Jew: right.

To return to Foodfight! and its offensive stereotypical secondary characters:

Vlad Chocul, ersatz Count Chocula (mascot for a breakfast cereal similar to Chocapic, with choco-marshmallows in it)... and gay stereotype, as seen by his flamboyant and effeminate personality. He wears sharp attire in pastel colours, makes theatrical asides as if he were acting on a stage, and lisps, no less. And he is made of chocolate. In short, Vlad Chocul incarnates the "queen" stereotypes, which are as offensive as the ones depicting the Jewish schnoz and nasal voice.

"Homosexual men are often equated interchangeably with heterosexual women by the heterocentric mainstream and are frequently stereotyped as being effeminate, despite the fact that gender expression, gender identity, and sexual orientation are widely accepted to be distinct from each other. The "flaming queen" is a characterization that melds flamboyance and effeminacy, remaining a gay male stock character in Hollywood. Theatre, specifically musicals, are a component of another stereotype, the "show queen", generalizing that gay men listen to show tunes, are involved with the performing arts, and are theatrical, overly dramatic, and campy."

Appearance and mannerisms

Gay men are often associated with a lisp or a feminine speaking tone. Fashion and effeminacy have long been seen as stereotypes of homosexuality. They are often based on the visibility of the reciprocal relationship between gay men and fashion. There is also the stereotype that most gay men enjoy shopping. A limp wrist is also a mannerism associated with gay men.

Recent research has suggested that “gaydar” is an alternate label for using stereotypes, especially those related to appearance and mannerisms, to infer orientation.

But queer characters can also be done right, by showing them as people (just like Yadoa and Howard when it comes to Judaism, look above). Ser Loras Tyrell, or Ymir and Christa, are much more than stereotypes: they're young people with their hopes, their anxieties, their traumatic experiences... whose coming of age is explored in detail. Their sexuality is just one of the many traits that makes each of these characters unique and a fully rounded person.

REVIEW: ATTACK ON TITANS/SNK

Attack on Titans or Shingeki no Kyójin (which can mean either "Advancing Titans" or "[Others] Advancing on the Titans") is the most recent anime series I follow, my own Netflix guilty pleasure, and that for a number of reasons. For those who don't know what it's all about, here are the basics about the premise and the characters:

Premise:
Centuries ago, the human species was decimated by gigantic, brutish humanoids known as titans.
The last outpost of humankind is a fortified kingdom guarded by three concentric fortification walls (the capital and the royal palace at the heart of the structure, the provincial towns and countryside within the walls around). Beyond the uttermost Wall Maria there is wilderness, unexplored wild nature populated by the hostile titans, that seem to appear out of the blue. The concentric structure of the kingdom can be explained like this:

STOHESS DISTRICT (the capital, heart of the realm)
WALL SINA (innermost wall)
PROVINCIAL TOWNS, MILITARY COMPLEXES
WALL ROSE (middle wall)
PROVINCIAL TOWNS, VILLAGES, RURAL AREAS (including Trost, the main setting, and Shiganshina, the leading trio's birthplace).
WALL MARIA (uttermost wall)
WILDERNESS (dangerous)

It is a country-esque land with a feudal society and quaint townscapes (half-timbered houses with eaves, cobbled streets, no motor vehicles at all), where nearly all the people are European-looking and have got Germanic names (though a few have got Hebrew or Japanese names). A precious setting. And the story takes, in general, place within the military; the uniforms are not as conspicuous and brightly-coloured as in other Ruritanias, --the ones in AoT/SnK look like 30YW-era attire mashed up with secret agent gear--, yet charming in their own way.

At first, we are introduced to Eren Jaeger, the doctor's son in the village of Shiganshina, an irascible and righteous boy with a never-give-up attitude; Mikasa Ackerman, Eren's adopted sister, a plucky and extremely strong and self-reliant girl; and Armin Arlert, an intelligent but physically frail blond orphan constantly picked on by the local bullies. The lives of all three take a turn for the worse when some titans breach through Wall Maria and march on Shiganshina, forcing the three young refugees to relocate to the town of Trost, within Wall Rose. Like most other people in the land, they idealize the military that defends the walls from the titans and decide to enlist. And the story deals with these three and their friends in the ranks, first as cadets and then as officers, as a sinister truth unfolds: there is a fifth column of titans within the military itself, some of those who fight titans are becoming titans themselves, and the nobility and royalty of the realm may not be looking for the most noble interest of humankind...
The other characters in the regiment are:

• Jean Kirschstein, a carefree and slightly perverted auburn young man, sensuous yet realistic, prudent in the fight and thus seen as a coward, who wants to be a royal guard and lead a comfortable life in Stohess. In love with Mikasa and maybe with Marco, until the loss of the latter, like that of Renly to Loras Tyrell, makes his personality take a Copernican turn.
• Marco Bott, Jean's bromantic partner, a sensitive and heartful young man (the idealist to Jean's realist) who also wants to be a royal guard, but for the more noble aim of protecting royalty. The heart of the regiment. Devoured by titans half-way across the series.
• Conny Springer, the show's resident shavehead (there's one in every anime) as well as the regiment clown and the one who keeps everyone else's mood up. Sunny and outgoing, though always leaps before he looks.
• Sasha Braus, an eccentric sunburned country girl and somewhat of a foodie. Looks like Katniss Everdeen (a tomboyish young woodswoman with a dark ponytail) and has the same backstory as Katniss, but with the personality of Luna Lovegood, and the same issues with structure. 
• Christa Lenz, a sweet and innocent, friendly and warm blonde girl who can be best described as Desdemona with the serial numbers filed off. There is more to her than meets the eyes. The heart of the group after Marco's disappearance. (Is actually Historia Reiss, the crown princess of the kingdom, and becomes its queen in the end)
• Ymir, a reserved and mannish tall and dark young woman, with an aloof and sinister air, nicknamed Freckles, and more than friends or sister figures with Ymir (the pairing, Yumikuri, is my AoT OTP). Is, IMOHO, the show's resident badass. (Is actually a titan)
• Rainer Braun, the blond thug and more than best friends with Bertholdt. A popular and rugged brawny jock à la Gaston, considered the oniisama (big brother figure) to his siblings in arms. The big man on camp, described as being strong as a bull and thickheaded as one, as well as speaking in a manly baritone. (Is actually a titan)
• Bertholdt Huwer (or Fubar), the raven-haired, sensitive, feminine other half of Rainer. Nicknamed Bert or Bertel. Shy and wavering, meek and lacking self-esteem (very like the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz), even something of a doormat, he looks up to his blond and hefty significant other. (Is actually a titan)
• Annie Leonhardt, the blonde ice queen and the third leg of a trio with Rainer and Bert, as well as the trio leader. Even more of a realist than Jean, and a reserved loner even more aloof than Ymir. Has a sinister contralto voice and is an extremely skilful hand-to-hand fighter. Like Ymir, however, she is not as emotionless as it seems. (Is actually a titan)
• Levi Ackerman; the commanding officer, a cool-as-ice young army captain who is blood related to Mikasa; a sharply-dressed perfectionist with a Napoleon complex and a violent hatred of germs. Experienced, capable, and older than he looks, as well as a night owl and compulsive tea drinker. Has a type for people taller than him (basically, the rest of the cast). Known as Humanity's Strongest. For such a size, he lives up to his reputation, as well as speaking in baritone and having a sinister air when he tranquilly gets irate (Levi is phlegmatic, tranquil, and never snaps).
• Hange (pronounced "Hanji") Zoe: Levi's right-hand woman and the show's resident mad scientist: auburn and bespectacled, with a contralto voice and the personality of Professor Trelawney mashed up with Bellatrix Lestrange (indeed, she can be rather sadistic). Regarded as an eccentric, and a passionate researcher obsessed with titans. Just like Qyburn, she will do anything in the name of science.
• Erwin Smith: the badass colonel and the only sane member of the regiment, a good-looking tall blond whose baritone voice and the look in whose blue eyes betray his earnestness and nerves of steel. An excellent strategist, he can be brutally honest and forced to make tough decisions due to the weight of his high rank. (Gets the same disability as Horatio Nelson, Mucius Scaevola, and Jaime Lannister)

From left to right: Christa, Ymir, Sasha, Annie, Mikasa, Conny, Eren, Armin, Marco, Jean, Rainer, and Bertholdt.

The two openings, "Feuerrotes Pfeil und Bogen" and "Flügel der Freiheit," contain (fittingly) German verses set to heavy symphonic music. Needless to say these songs are performed by Linked Horizon, the band formerly known as Sound Horizon, whose concept albums create an EPIC shared universe of historical/fairytale/flintlock/gaslamp fantasy.

The show combines military fiction with what I love the most about the Potterverse, ASoIaF, Othello, the Waterfire Saga, Monstrous Regiment, flintlock and/or gaslamp fantasy... i.e.: quaint, country-esque Ruritanian settings; a diverse ensemble cast of young people with different physiques, personalities, genders, and sexual orientatons; a sinister intrigue that gradually unfolds and unfurls, shocking revelations; the deaths of a few characters that you become attached to... Recommended if you like any of the stories above.

I've made a few projects based upon the series:
Attack on Enchantment - YumiKuri fairytale AUs: Savitri (Ymir as Savitri, Christa as Satyavan, and Annie as a Hela-inspired death goddess); The Snow Queen (Christa as Gerda, Ymir as Kai, featuring Rod Reiss as the Snow King, and a few other characters in supporting roles [Erwin as the headmaster of Trost Orphanage; Herr Arlert as the local sage / old witch character, Armin as himself/Herr Arlert's grandson; Jean and Marco as two royal guard lovers / crow characters, Rainer and Bertholdt as half-brother princes and Annie as their princess; Sasha as a kitchen maid/former friend of Christa's at the orphanage; Levi as a royal guard officer; Eren, Mikasa, Conny, and some others as outlaws; Hange as the Finmark woman character, and Fritz as the usurper of the northern ice kingdom]); Rapunzel (Christa in the title role, Ymir as Eugene, Annie as Gothel; Rainer and Bertholdt as the Stabbingtons); Beauty and the Beast (Christa as Belle, Ymir as the Beast, Annie as a dark take on the fairy, Rainer and Bertholdt as Gaston and Lefou, other members of the regiment as object-servants). Plus one that is not YumiKuri: The Pardoner's Tale/O Tesouro starring Rainer, Bertholdt and Annie, ft. Hange as a pharmacist eager to make a quick gain on strychnine ("for the rats," Annie says).
Attack on Shakespeare - YumiKuri doing the Bard: The Tempest (Eren as Caliban, Rainer and Bert as the jesters) and Othello, so far (Annie as Iago, and Rainer as Cassio, feat. Bert as an Emilia/Bianca composite character; a bit of a Wicked feel in using the traditional villain's POV in some scenes...).