I am currently reading Escapist Dream, a novel about a VR universe divided into paradises for geeks, otakus, etc. to roleplay their fantasies; each paradise based on a particular genre/medium, for instance the anime paradise, Otaku Academy, has lots of catgirls and magical girls, a replica of Mt. Fuji, etc. But my favourite of these paradises is the Library, meant for literary fans:
"And lastly, the Library, a place specifically tailored for fans of classic literary works from many countries.”
It turns out to be the ideal world for me; characters in Hogwarts uniforms rub elbows with Westerosis in silk brocades or suits of armour and with Alices in pinafores and Victorian or Steampunk gentlemen in top hats and coattails. The ambience is very old-world or country-esque, Ruritanian, with riders on horses and unicorns and carriages on the street, and dragon riders, pegasus riders, Quidditch players on broomsticks, et al in the skies above, cozy cafés like the Musain and hobbit-holes and Gothic castles in the woods.
People from more "mainstream" worlds like Otaku Academy are at war with: "Then there’s also the skirmishes with those insane idiots from the Library."
[...]
If Jim was not mistaken, the Library was supposed to house fans of classic literature and the like.
They arrived at the Library, landing on both their feet in an awesome superhero landing. The place was normal as far as Charlie and Jim were concerned. This was somethingthe latter was hoping for, as the place was like any ordinary library albeit a large one which was five times the size of Buckingham Palace, complete with a giant courtyard and surrounded by forest everywhere. Dotted around the place were some Lord of the Rings-style hobbit-holes, ordinary coffee shops, a large tube-like spaceship floating above similar to the ones in Ender’s Game, and rows of apartments on one street which said “Baker Street.” There were some people flying above on broomsticks and some riding on horseback or on horse carriages. People were wearing all sorts of costumes from Victorian-era fashion to medieval and ancient Greek armour. But so far nothing was wacky or crazy.
“What’s inside of this place,” Jim replied. “Are the people who read the good stuff. The classics. And most of these classical literature are British. My cup of tea.”
When they went inside the Library, they were surprised that it was even bigger than what they expected. In front of them was a large 10-foot-tall cylindrical marble fountain divided into three rows – Heaven filled with angels, Purgatory which was filled with souls, and Hell which was filled with devils, like out of Hieronymus Bosch. Jim recognized what the religious motif was. The fountain was a homage to Dante Alighieri’s works. The Divine Comedy trilogy.
And around them were gigantic golden statues of other famous characters from both classic and serious literature. There was a statue of King Arthur in his historically-accurate attire of lorica hamata and spatha sword. There was also a statue of the great Sherlock Holmes wearing his iconic deerstalker hat, cane, and pipe. On another corner was a woman wearing the clothes of a 16th-century (Elizabethan) gentleman complete with the ruff collar around her neck, tight pants and large brown boots, which Jim recognized as Orlando, created by Virginia Woolf. There was also a statue of Gandalf the Grey with his staff and awesome longsword Glamdring. There was even a statue of a man wearing a black Puritan hat, cape, and a Guy Fawkes mask, which Jim recognized as V (for Vendetta), his most favourite graphic novel character. He was right in saying most of the statues here were famous British characters. And it was nice for the Escapist Dream to have a place for British media and its fans the same way the Japanese or other nations do.
The place where they were at was the entrance hall. But as they continued walking forward and going down the stairs, they finally arrived at the actual library filled with shelves and books. It was a large grand place with the room’s size stretching unendingly. There were also many balconies
on the top as well as cafés on the sides. The place was also bustling with people, and Jim appreciated that there were still some people who were reading the classics.
Charlie himself was amazed, mostly on the collection of books and films. They had everything from the Iliad, Beowulf, Ramayana, Mahabharata, the Eddas, and other classic mythologies. They even had North American literary classics like Dune, To Kill a Mockingbird, and his personal favorite, The Catcher in the Rye. Japanese works like those of Hayao Miyazaki, and European ones like Valerian and Laureline and The Seventh Seal, were also present.
They walked for some time without any direction but they didn’t mind since they were too busy admiring the place. Soon, they arrived at a desk with a tag that said “Librarian”, but the chair was empty and no one was there.
As an annoyed Jim slapped the bell in anger, a large flash of light suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Like Gandalf the White greeting the Fellowship with a magical flashbang, Jim and Charlie closed their eyes to prevent themselves from going blind. When they opened their eyes, they were soon greeted by a young man in his early 20s, the same age as Kaichou. He had a brown complexion and wore what appeared to be a British schoolboy uniform, complete with a red and gold tie (SO SAD THE ONLY ORE FOREMOST POTTERHEAD HERE IS A GRYFFINDOR AND NOT A RAVENCLAW! But then Rowling was biased towards Gryffindor for the first four installments, before introducing Luna in OOTP...), grey waistcoat, round glasses, and black slacks with leather shoes. What was odd though was that he too wore a black cape on his back.
Charlie noticed the red and gold tie of his, and smiled in excitement since the guy was cosplaying as a Gryffindor student.
“‘Ello visitors,” the boy said, with a butchered British accent Jim himself reviled. This was obviously some foreign boy who was certainly not British, trying to imitate a horrible Queen's English accent.
“You must be the admin of the place,” Charlie said. “I’m Charlie and this is Jim, the programmer sent here to fix the bugs. We’re friends of Launa and we came here on her behalf after you messaged us about a recent glitchin’. We came as fast as we could to investigate.”
“Ah!” the young man said. “Well, you two. As you both know, I am whom they call the Librarian! I’m the headmaster of this wonderful place for great minds who only consume serious forms of art.”
“Ah a fellow Englishman I see,” the Librarian said. “Top-top my good man. I hope you find this place to your fancy.”
“It was,” Jim said. Right before you came along mocking my language.
“Well, gentlemen, let us not dilly-dally then,” the Librarian said before pulling out what appeared to be a black stick from under the table. Like a magic wand he started swinging it in the air and shouted, “Immobulus!”
Something strange happened to Jim and Charlie’s bodies. They could not move them at all.
“What the hell is happenin’ Jim?” Charlie said as he tried to squirm and move
his body.
“What is this?!” Jim asked the Librarian in rage.
A group of twenty little NPC men wearing funny elf costumes, obviously inspired by the munchkins and the oompa-loompas, came out of nowhere and started marching towards them.
“Alright boys! Take them away!” the Librarian commanded as dusty burlap sacks were put over Jim and Charlie’s heads. The group of little men then started carrying them away to who knows where.
When the bags over their heads were removed, Charlie and Jim were still paralyzed from head to toe. They ended up in some large basement, probably under the Library, and like the latter, this place also stretched out forever. It was far different from the magnificent Library, as the place was dark and haunting like an abandoned building. Cracked columns and support beams held the floor above, and there were a few torches in those columns to serve as illumination.
What made this place even more inauspicious were the occult pentacles and magic circles drawn on the floor, with candles strewn all over them. The torches and the candles were the only sources of light in this place, but even with those it was still mostly covered in darkness.
Both Charlie and Jim’s reactions to the place were different. Jim for the most part was disgusted. All in his mind was anger at what those dumb nerds did. Putting a spell on them and carrying them into this stinking basement. What were those dorks planning? Charlie meanwhile, was nervous as chills crawled up his spine. The place was eerie and scary, and for the kid, it’s not far from those serial killer hideouts or deranged occult dens. For him, the atmosphere of this place made the lighthouse in Gamer’s Den appear like an amusement park.
“Oi!” Jim yelled at the darkness. “I know you’re in there. I can sense you through me dickless-piece-of-shit detector!”
A figure came out of the darkness, soon to be followed by a crowd who formed a circle around the two. The first figure who came forward to them, revealed himself to be the Librarian. As his face was illuminated with nothing but candlelight, he appeared more horrifying in the darkness with his evil eyes and grin.
“Top o’ the mornin to ya, gents,” the Librarian greeted them with his usual horrible accent.
The guy then started to laugh, and he was soon followed by the other figures who laughed as well. They were like a destructive cult, not like the hilarious dark metal wannabes, but the actual stereotypical human-sacrificing squad. Did the place start accepting these kinds of religious zealots or pentacle-loving peeps? And Launa didn’t bother to tell them?
Jim had no qualms or discrimination with anyone, including these people. But he was surely pissed they locked him up like this. Charlie however, saw nothing but a mysterious and scary group, and he prayed they were not the ones who mass murder people.
The Brit was approached by the Librarian, and the latter smiled the proudest grin, saying, “I know who you are, Mr. Jim the Programmer, and we appreciate you coming here to visit us. Thank the goddess Fortuna that Launa is not with you today, because it made the whole kidnapping-thing much easier.”
He continued to laugh psychotically and the rest of his entourage again followed. This guy was a grade-A lunatic, and what he was doing wasn’t a joke or a prank. He was not pretending or cosplaying to be crazy, the guy was pretty much out of his head. Unlike Jim who thought of his craziness as nothing but pathetic, Charlie was fearful of what was happening. He was a young boy after all, and a guy laughing like he was the Joker or Light Yagami, was scary to him.
“Alright, I’ll give you some praise for devising such a plan to abduct us, you weiner coat,” Jim said. “But now can you stop sniveling and tell us why you captured us?”
“You’re a programmer, and you came here to fix the glitching,” the Librarian said. “But we won’t allow you to do that. Not now when the bug is doing us so many favours.”
Oh great. Another group using my creations for their own sickness. This is terrific. Much terrific.
“And what plan is it, may I ask?” Jim said.
“Normally, I follow the words of Ozymandias in saying ‘I’m no republican serial villain’. But I don’t think you’ll be doing anything with my spell affecting you, so I’ll tell you anyways. First things first though, I appreciate being able to converse with an actual Englishman. Tell me, mate. What do you think of me marvellous Queen's English accent?”
“Tell you what, you’re as good as making a Queen's English accent as Nicholas Cage was good with his Italian accent.”
“Ouch.”
“If you wanna do an English accent, you do it in style. First thing you should know is that there is no such thing as English accents. It’s the US Americans and the Canadians who have the funny accent. But you’re too dumb, are you?”
“Oh shut your gob. But anyways, let me introduce ourselves. We are the ‘Company of Righteous Artists’. We’re the type of geeks who read the serious, philosophical, and artistic works of literature. None of those silly childish media which all the other geeks consume. We don’t watch those stupid superhero fictions or perverted Japanese anime and manga. We don’t indulge ourselves 12 hours-a-day playing the latest microtransaction-filled video games. We stay away from companies who make the laziest form of art. We are the people who only consume high-class media created with love and effort.”
Jim was both stunned and impressed. The Librarian and his gang were not far off from what he also believed in. Throughout his adventures here in the Escapist Dream he had done nothing but hate and mock all the stupid superhero geeks, weird Japanese otakus, and those toxic gamers from all across the globe. Sadly though, these people were nuttier, and they even created their own fanatical group to back it up.
“So some geeks who buy shite annoy you,” said Jim. “Kind of a crappy reason to kidnap a programmer now, innit?”
“For you it’s the case but not for us,” the Librarian explained. “You are a programmer, and you’ve seen how these geeks always turn for the worst every single day. I heard an idiot in Otaku Academy created a virtual girlfriend using a bug. Can you believe that?! Such a disgusting thing that should be punishable by castration. We at the Company vomit at such things. Marvel and DC superheroes with their underwear on the outside. Japanese lolicons, shotacons (lolicon: sexual arousal by female Mini-Moe; shotacon: arousal by male Mini-Moe; basically anime jailbait), twincest, and all other disgusting weebshit. And the gamers... Gosh, the gamers and their violent conservative sexist beliefs and consumerist practices.”
“Again,” Jim interrupted. “Stop bloody harping and tell us why you did this!”
“Simple. The Escapist Dream is the biggest hub for geeks in the whole world. But these superhero fans, otakus, and gamers have infected this place with their rubbish. We, the Company, would like you to help us throw these geeks out. We want to create a society back to a simpler time where the only superheroes were the mythical warriors of ancient Greece and medieval Europe, and the only weird tentacle things are those from Lovecraft’s creations. All of these will only be possible with the help of a master programmer.”
“And pray, tell me. Why would you think I would help you?”
“You’re a programmer, aren’t you? I know you Mr. Jim, you are one of those who developed the Escapist Dream. I’ve been watching you and I know how you hated this place and the geeks, otakus, and gamers in here. You and I are not so different. We are the ones who consume only the finest media.”
“If you are going to do that,” Jim interrupted. “You might as well throw Harry Potter in the same dungeon.”
When Jim said this, the Librarian stopped his cheering. He turned towards the Brit, confused and insulted
from what he said. “Why? Harry Potter is a serious fiction, and it will remain here in the Escapist Dream as an artform,” the Librarian said, defending the honor of his beloved franchise.
“Art? Hah!” Jim said laughing. “You call Harry Potter an art? And you dare to put that series of novels in the same category as Lord of the Rings, V for Vendetta, and all the others?”
“Of course I will,” the Librarian said in defiance.
“Harry Potter is a beloved series of books which had themes of friendship, family love, and pure magical fantasy! It is as serious and artistic as–”
“A pile of dogshite is what it is. And you should be ashamed to call yourself a fan of literary arts while liking such a book and even dressing in such garbage.”
The Librarian was getting angrier as he continued debating with Jim. The rest of the figures started talking to each other with what this Brit meant. The Librarian looked around at the commotion Jim was causing, and was now even more enraged than ever. He approached the still paralyzed Jim and aimed the dagger at his right eye.
“You bloody shut your mouth!”
“Listen here, mate. Harry Potter is a load of bollocks. It’s childish and stupid, and hell it’s even more pathetic than Marvel superheroes for God’s sake. We’re talking about a lame-ass chosen one protagonist defeating another stupid lame-ass bald villain with the power of fucking love. Bloody… fucking… love!”
“Shut up!”
But Jim was not done yet slandering the Librarian’s favourite series. “What’s worse is that the series is fascist. The muggles are inferior and pretty useless compared to the wizards. And worse? It’s a plagiarized kiddie version of the Timothy Hunter books! I mean look at the two; young boys with round glasses finding their destiny? Fighting against evil who wants to take over the world because of supremacist beliefs! They even have the same owls!”
“That’s a fucking lie!”
“And we’re not even getting to the controversial part yet…”
As Jim said that, the whole room became deathly silent. People in the crowd bit their lips with tension at what the programmer was about to say next. Charlie himself averted his gaze as if someone was actively committing suicide beside him. Jim was about to get them both killed.
“Please don’t,” pleaded Charlie. “Don’t do this Jim…”
“Stop!” the Librarian warned.
“Face it, mate. Your precious little series does not deserve to be considered a ‘serious form of art’. Especially with an author who wants to look so progressive but too lazy to invent new gay characters.”
“Damn you!” the Librarian yelled as he raised the dagger to stab his knife right at Jim’s eye.
Jim then yelled to Charlie, “Now lad!”
That was the signal Charlie has all been waiting for. Although with his leg still burning in pain, he still had the mental strength to use the Force to lift the Librarian and slam his head on the ceiling. The attack stunned the Librarian enough to make him lose his magical grip on the two. He also let go of the dagger and it fell and bounced off into the darkness.
Jim and Charlie were freed from their paralysis spell, and the former quickly drew his lawmaker pistol and shot a few rounds at the crowd, scattering and panicking them.
These people turned out to be the geeks in the Library the two had met when they first arrived. There were some armed with medieval longswords and historical weapons. Many of them wore knightly armour, Renaissance capes, and some with Victorian top hats and deerstalkers. Others had futuristic ray guns and jumpsuits from all the classic science fiction stories of the 1960s. And some were portraying themselves as fantasy tropes, with enchanted staffs and wands, as well as flying broomsticks and carpets.
Jim and Charlie prepared themselves for another battle. Outnumbered, they probably would get massacred but at least they would put up one hell of a fight. Jim grabbed his longsword together with his futuristic lawmaker pistol, while Charlie turned on his lightsaber and struck a Jedi fighting stance. “How’s your leg?” Jim asked. “Sorry if it took so long. I wanted to see what they did with the bug and I didn’t expect it could do such a thing.”
“It hurts like hell,” Charlie honestly replied. “But I’ll be fine once the bastard pays for what he did. Would you believe if I told you the shoutin’, the cryin’ and the panickin’ were all part of the act? That I was just... actin’ all of those?”
“Sure you are, mate,” said Jim.
“Although he was kinda right and you’re wrong,”
Charlie continued. “Harry Potter is a good book. The whole part about the muggles being useless, well they were the ones who were keepin’ the wizard species alive. Also, didn’t Neil Gaiman already said in an interview that there was no plagiarism involved? And both unintentionally used the same references from previous fantasy books? Rowling herself has the right to do whatever she wants with her–”
“Shush now, lad,” Jim said to stop this kid’s tangent. But he admitted that it made him smile whenever the kid started geeking out like this. “I don’t hate those books. I was just saying those things to get this idiot to lose his mind.”
The rest of the literary geeks finally regrouped and surrounded the two. As Charlie readied his lightsaber the moment these fools try to attack, the song Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood by Santa Esmeralda played in his head. They were like the Bride going up against the Crazy 88. But unlike Charlie’s previous battles, he was not as excited as he was like before. They need to be more careful since pain was now real in the Escapist Dream and the dagger was out there.
The gang of literary geeks started throwing themselves at the two. A guy wearing a Greek hoplite suit, complete with a bronze cuirass, red cape, and a large hoplon shield with a capital Lambda, tried to stab Jim with a spear. But Jim parried it with his longsword, before pinning the spear on the ground with said sword. As the guy tried to get the spear off the ground, the Brit shot him in the head. Another guy, dressed up in riveted chainmail and bearing the banner of King Arthur himself, slashed at Jim with a large spatha sword. But Jim managed to lean back and dodge his attack, before kicking him away and shooting him multiple times in the chest. As several other literary dweebs swarmed at Jim from all sides, he whispered to his pistol “Rapid Fire” and it transformed from a semi-automatic to a fully-automatic machine pistol.
He then started shooting everyone around him. Charlie on the other hand, was up against a frontiersman wearing buckskin and coon hat, like that Bumppo character his English teacher tried to make him read in middle school. The frontiersman fired at him with a Kentucky long rifle, and the kid narrowly dodged it, ducking below his line of sight. Charlie then charged at him and buried his lightsaber into his chest. Another dude wearing a traditional Japanese dress hit Charlie on the back with what appeared to be a cart with a baby doll inside. As Charlie fell back to the floor, the guy climbed over his cart and jumped in the air while drawing his katana. Before he struck Charlie down, the teenage geek unleashed his heat vision and incinerated him to ashes. “You doing alright?” Jim said as he continued shooting.
“Yeah I’m doin’ fine,” Charlie said as he picked himself up.
A girl dressed in Victorian clothing complete with an umbrella skirt, attacked Charlie with a parasol, but the young geek sliced her and her parasol with one fell swoop.
Another geek, this time cosplaying as some sort of albino cowboy spouting nonsense about war, started shooting his twin six-shooters at Charlie. But the kid used his Force powers to lift him up and drag him towards Jim.
“Heads up!” Charlie said as the poor sod flew towards Jim, whom the Brit sliced in two.
“Nice. But hey watch this,” Jim said as he summoned a magical wooden stick on his hand, and a large grey wizard hat on his head. He raised the staff in the air, yelled “You cannot pass!” and slammed it back on the ground. It created a huge shockwave which threw everyone across the room, taking out a lot of those geeks in the process.
“I think you got Gandalf’s quote wrong,” Charlie said as he chopped one thug who tried to sneak behind him.
Jim continued shooting his gun at some who were trying to get up, and replied, “Don’t you know? That’s what Gandalf the Grey actually said in the book. Or something like that. They changed it in the movies.”
As the fight was going on, the Librarian was finally getting back to his senses. He was witnessing his army getting torn apart by these two guys and it infuriated him. He couldn’t possibly conquer the Escapist Dream if all of his troops were wrecked and humiliated like that. Angered, the Librarian yelled at the two, “You fools! First my favorite series and now my army! You’ll both pay!”
“Not before you pay me for what you did to my leg!” cried Charlie.
The Librarian raised his hand in the air, summoned his magical broomstick, and got on it. He then started flying all over the large basement like an actual witch. Jim tried to shoot at him but as he aimed, the guy disappeared into the darkness. Appearing from behind, the Librarian started spamming magical spells at them with his wand, screaming every dark spells, torture jinx, and deadly curses.
“Here comes that lunatic,” Charlie bantered. As the Librarian’s spells came rushing towards them, Charlie summoned a Green Lantern power ring and used it to create a giant green brick wall to block the Librarian’s attack. To stop the guy flying all across the room, Jim thought of using another Timothy Hunter spell. As he waved his hand to unleash Hunter’s iconic Stop Bugging Me spell, time suddenly froze around them, leaving their enemy open and defenseless.
Now with the Librarian immobilized, Charlie unleashed his heat vision and vaporized his broomstick, making the Librarian crash to the ground. Wanting to pour all his anger towards this literary geek, Charlie got on top of him and started to ground-and-pound the guy with his fists, unleashing all his rage on his meek face. As they watched their leader getting mercilessly beat up by this kid, the rest of the literary geeks began falling back in retreat.
“This is for stabbin’ me in the leg you freak!” Charlie yelled.
Jim caught up to them and pulled the kid off the Librarian, saying, “That’s enough, mate.”
As Charlie got up, the now battered Librarian laid there with a broken bleeding mug. Jim approached the Librarian, eyed him face-to-face and jeered, “You spoke of Ozymandias once but failed to learn from the character. If you’re going to tell someone your master plan you should have done it thirty-five minutes after doing it.”
“By the way,” Charlie asked. “Did you just friggin’ freeze time?!”
Jim then looked at the excited kid and said, “Yeah. But for some reason I can’t do it again.”
Charlie nodded, and without nothing else to say and a face still overflowing with anger, he stabbed his lightsaber right at the literary geek’s chest. The jerk’s digital body disappeared, and afterwards Jim grabbed the boy and turned him around. He said with a worried expression on his face,
“Seriously, how’s your leg?”
“I’m not sure. It’s still bleedin’ but the adrenaline got rid of the pain. It still feels kind of heavy though, so I need to check out my actual leg if it’s okay.”
Before Charlie left, they stayed for a while to admire the carnage they had done. The torches were still burning strong even after the fight, and laid down on the ground were a lot of fallen weapons and ripped pieces of costumes. They were also some literary geeks still on the ground winded and some limping away in defeat. It would have been nice to mop up everything and chase these guys down, but they had enough fighting for today. What’s important was he and Charlie won this fight. They literally defeated a whole army even though they were alone, trapped and surrounded. But now it was time for them to rest.
When Charlie got back to his senses, one literary geek dressed in a peg-legged pirate costume and crutch, came rushing in with an old-timey blunderbuss.
... as he spotted a lone literary geek trying to sneak away from the side of the hill. He was wearing an 18th century costume consisting of a light brown woolen coat, embroidered frills on his sleeves, white tight-fitting stockings, and a dark tricorn hat. He also wore a black domino mask on his face and a red flower, specifically a scarlet pimpernel, pinned on his right breast.
What caught Charlie’s attention was a dagger that was strapped to his belt, similar to the one the Librarian stabbed him with. Fearing the others were too distracted and the guy was nearly succeeding in his escape, Charlie chose to chase the geek down himself. As the kid went in pursuit, the literary geek glanced back and saw the former running towards him. He grabbed a flintlock pistol and fired at the boy in the hopes of either killing him or driving him away. It was an unusual pistol, since even if it had a single-shot mechanism, it fired bullets at a rapid semi-automatic pace.
