TSQ-IV: THE ATLAS OF CLASSIC TALES

CLAUDIA BORDIN

In the kingdom where we are now, there is a very clever princess. One day, when she was terribly bored, she made up her mind to marry, but she wanted a husband who could give a good answer to any question and wasn't boring. On the third day of receiving prospective husbands, a boy made his way boldly up to the palace. His eyes sparkled and he had handsome long hair, but his clothes were those of a peasant.
Can ... get ... inside the palace?
... works at the palace and knows of a back door that leads to the royal chamber.
When the lights went out in the palace, ... led ... to the back door which had been left ajar. They climbed the broad staircase, at the top of which they met the housekeeper ... who led them to the princess' chamber. ... over the bed, lifted a corner of the bedsheet and saw dark hair on the pillow. ... (add continuation soon) 


(Cut out the palace at the bottom left corner)

THE TRUTH ABOUT LORD VERISOPHT

 --this post I had planned to do for AGES but always something came in between--.

In El semen de los ahorcados, it is very clear that the plot is a massive multiplayer crossover to rival the works of Kim Newman, whose concept of the Xeniades Club (a secret society of supervillains, who in El semen are all more or less queer) the fic author, StrixAlluka (now StrixLuluka), borrowed. Next to Count Jean de Satigny, his rival/kismesis/frenemy Lord Henry Wotton is one of the most relevant characters in the Seedverse. The reason he wants Enjolras as his "servant" so badly? He lost his own catamite/protégé, Lord (Frederick) Verisopht (borrowed from Dickens, just like Mme. Defarge). 

After a tennis match, sipping some Bellinis prepared by Montparnasse (Bellinis that fortunately aren't poisoned), Enjolras arrives and Lord Henry confides in his French kismesis that the blond stripling is a diamond in the rough - exactly what he needs to replace his late lover, Lord Verisopht, a young and slender lordling in his twenties who was found dead and covered in cherry blossoms in a public park, with a serene smile on his face. The coroner's report revealed no trace of weapons or poisons... at this point Enjolras whispers "Avada Kedavra," and both Muggle nobles are intrigued... Enj says that this was merely an intrusive thought.

In an omake, it was revealed how Lord Verisopht died. He was a homeschooled Squib whom Lord Henry took under his wing when his granny / guardian died, but he still had knowledge of the wizarding world (think Neville Longbottom but Squib and more unfortunate). The older noble introduced him to high society and together they led a life of self-indulgence in ballrooms and casinos. His debut was in a Shakespeare-themed masked ball where Lord Henry was dressed as Oberon and young Verisopht as Titania, in green fairy costumes with glow-in-the-dark details and flapping wings. Here they met Count Jean de Satigny, dressed as Mercutio, who made a critique of their costumes. The lordling was very naive and believed everything his mentor said.

Ultimately some Knights of Walpurgis (actually hitmen employed by a mysterious employer) "set a trap for Lord Henry and Count Jean de Satigny in order to obtain an ancient relic." (This was all a lie). It was Lord Henry who set a trap for the lordling, and killed him because he had grown tired of his "boy toy" - which reveals that he had some knowledge of the wizarding world. Henry gave the order to the masked hitman to Avada Kedavra Lord Verisopht, whose last expression was to look at his mentor and collapse backwards swaddled in that green light, barely unable to make out his mentor's face in the dark but suddenly understanding who had given the order. His peaceful smile when his lifeless form was discovered among butterflies and dragonflies, covered in cherry blossom, seems to say "so be it..."

UNA DE MIS CUENTAS TIENE LOS DÍAS CONTADOS

 O Literary Rambles, o Evenkia, o mi cuenta de Facebook va a dejar de existir, en el peor de los casos, dentro de poco.

En el mejor de los casos, sólo me van a quitar los posts/las imágenes que ofenden a los derechos de autor.

Quien avisa no es traidora...

THE UMPTEENTH BLANK POST

 

YEAR OF GREAT MEDLARS: THE LOCKET

In El semen de los ahorcados, to be more precise its play-within-the-fic The Year of Great Medlars, the young and queer tragic hero, Dauphin Francis (played by Courfeyrac), wears a golden, heart-shaped locket for half of the play. The real locket is at the British Museum, and he wears a really realistic replica:

The locket, of solid gold inlaid with pearl and rubies (the original; what we see on stage is only a replica), and what happens to it, are central to the play: it highlights both his fear of commitment and the vagaries of fortune.

On both sides, the locket has the word toujours, "forever," in inlaid ruby letters. The obverse (front) side has the Tudor Rose and the Granada (pomegranate) of the Catholic Royals growing on entwining bushes, while the reverse side has the initials H (for Henry VIII) and K (for Katherine of Aragón) tied together with a Gordian knot - the symbols of the Dauphin's future in-laws; he is betrothed to the future Bloody Mary.

The teenage crown prince of France is supposed to wear the locket for at least one month, and then cut a lock of his dark hair and place it inside the locket, which will be shipped to England as confirmation of the betrothal... Francis and Mary were already betrothed as infants in the cradle, but he is afraid of commitment and he has discovered that he prefers men to women (sexually). So he refuses to place the lock of his hair inside, but wears the locket at court, to keep up appearances. Then, suddenly, the betrothal is annulled (due to Mary's parents' divorce and her being declared a bastard, unfit to marry a crown prince), and the empty locket is shipped back to England... The conversation that comes after is what it all hinges upon:

FRANCIS (Courfeyrac): I can't believe I've got such good luck! That bloody Mary is now declared a bastard, unfit to tie the knot with me! Toujours my arse (pardon my French)!

SEBASTIAN (Combeferre): Really? How come, Your Grace?

FRANCIS: Her Papa just divorced and remarried that court lady, what's her name, Anne Boleyn; and her mother now lives as a nun in a convent. So Mary is a bastard now, they're expecting a male heir instead...

SEBASTIAN: You're not wearing the locket... 

FRANCIS: As soon as I heard the news, I had it shipped back to England. Empty, without a lock of my hair inside. You see, she was totally unfit... No matter how many languages she speaks, or how well she plays the harpsichord, or if she has been educated by Lluís Vives himself; I don't care at all! That portrait of her I saw was pretty scary, with that flaming red hair and those piercing eyes... but now I've thought of something that you must listen to.

SEBASTIAN: I'm all ears. What have you thought of, Your Grace?

FRANCIS: Until right now, I was completely carefree. I had endless freedom and no one, no king or courtiers, to hold me back. But being completely carefree just meant that there was no one to care FOR, and no one who cares FOR YOU. All I've found myself wanting to do... was to be by your side, to tell you about all of it... Every detail, every curiosity... I want to share all of it with my favourite person. So I found myself coming back to you more and more often. I am no longer afraid of commitment, for I have found someone I can commit to, finally... 

SEBASTIAN: And that means?

FRANCIS: It was very unlike me. For the first time in forever, I want to stay in one place. Have someone to come home to, someone who can quench my thirst. Not only for drink, but also that thirst for something I have always been missing.

SEBASTIAN: For love?

FRANCIS: Love? Maybe, even if love between two men is forbidden and star-crossed. We'll disguise it as friendship between a prince and his secretary/squire/cupbearer. The court and the army will only see two good friends... You could use my help more than ever; and I am happy to oblige you!

SEBASTIAN: Why?

FRANCIS: You manage your responsibilities, and I contribute mine. We get along splendidly. We're two halves of a whole, you're the ice to my fire, the part of me that I have always missed... So much talking has put a tickle in my throat, couldn't you pour me a cordial on the rocks?

SEBASTIAN: Now I am the one who is happy to oblige you! (He leaves and then returns with a carafe of cordial on ice and two glasses, which he pours to the dauphin and to himself. Francis drains his glass at one gulp, while Sebastian only sips). You should not drink so quickly, Your Grace; you will catch a cold.

FRANCIS: But my throat was on fire! I'll remember it for the next time. By the way... What do you put in that cordial that makes it taste so good?

SEBASTIAN: Ice from the Alps... and it's infused with cinnamon, ginger, cardamom, and elder flowers. And a huge dash of sugar! But what counts the most is the secret ingredient: it's made above all with love. I always think of you and of how much you will enjoy both the coolness and the taste, as I make all my cordials.

FRANCIS: And now I am thirsty for something more... can you embrace this poor sinner and kiss his lips, until his thirst is quenched?

SEBASTIAN: I am once more happy to oblige. (Both hide behind a pillar, embrace, and kiss passionately). 

EL FESTÍN DE TRIMALCIÓN - una cena que es todo un show

 Autores como J.K. Rowling y R.R. Martin en la actualidad exaltan la buena mesa en sus festines de Hogwarts, Poniente y otros mundos de fantasía... pero, si yo tuviera que elegir un festín literario, UNO SOLO, me decantaría por el que celebraron los nuevos ricos Trimalción y Fortunata (él, esclavo liberto metido a tesorero del César; ella, antigua "mujer de la noche") en su mojo dojo villa domus de Pompeya, según el Satiricón de Petronio.

Adjunto el menú. Como puede verse, la cena fue todo un show: lleno de trampantojos y de servicios de mesa teatrales. Porque entre los privilegiados de la Roma imperial, también se comía con los ojos...

MENÚ DE LA TARDE NOCHE

EN CASA DE TRIMALCIÓN Y DE FORTUNATA

VIII DE AUGUSTUS, DE LCXXVI

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ENTRANTES

Longanizas asadas en parrilla de plata, con "ascuas" de pulpa de ciruela

Lirones (sí, roedores) rebozados en miel y semillas de amapola

Huevos de pasta carbonara (con la "clara" de masa de pasta, rellenos con huevo a la panceta y a la pimienta negra), incubados por una gallina de hojaldre (también comestible) que "bate las alas" con un ingenioso mecanismo

***********

PLATO ZODIACAL (EN UNA MESA REDONDA DECORADA CON EL ZODIACO OCCIDENTAL, PODÉIS PROBAR LAS TAPAS DE VUESTRO SIGNO Y ASCENDENTE)

Para Aries: pinchos de cordero con hummus de garbanzos arietinos

Para Tauro: chuletón de vaca gallega

Para Géminis: vísceras dobles (asaduras / pulmones, riñones y testículos)

Para Cáncer: centollo relleno en corona de flores comestibles

Para Leo: higos chumbos y frutas tropicales

Para Virgo: útero de cerdita virgen (un manjar exquisito)

Para Libra: balanza con macarons en un platillo y tartaletas de queso en el otro

Para Escorpio: rascacio / pez escorpión (con su veneno)

Para Sagitario: estofado de conejo con caracoles en su jugo

Para Capricornio: langosta marina a la termidor

Para Acuario: pato lacado

Para Piscis: salmonete a la plancha

*********

MÁS ENTRANTES

"Conegasos" (conejos con alas de ave, con las plumas pegadas con miel simulando alas de pegaso) descenderán del techo

Fortaleza de masa quebrada llena de pezones de cerda, con el foso lleno de garum (salsa de pescado) y boquerones que "nadan"

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EL PLATO FUERTE

Cerdo de Troya: verraco asado relleno de toda clase de embutidos (morcilla, chorizo, longaniza, etc.) y tocado con un yelmo troyano (que es igual de comestible que el verraco y los embutidos). Carpus, nuestro escudero trinchador, destripará y trinchará al cerdo a la señal de "Carpe, carpe!" (¡Carpus, trincha!)

Pato de Troya: también tocado con un yelmo troyano comestible, asado y relleno de huevos duros de pato. También Carpus lo trinchará a la señal de "Carpe, carpe!"

Chuletas de oso pardo

**********

POSTRE

Cesta de frutas comestible al azafrán: cesta de hojaldre llena de frutas confitadas. Tanto la cesta como su relleno están emborrachados con agua de azafrán. La cesta descenderá también del techo, y al estrujar las frutas os rezumará agua de azafrán, poniendo a los comensales las manos amarillas

Manzanas al horno simulando erizos, con púas de lascas de almendra

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BEBIDAS

Vino de Falerno opimiano de C años de antigüedad, a rebajar con más o menos agua a gusto de los comensales. Escanciado por nuestros apuestos y efébicos coperos.

Vino a la miel con especias de Oriente

Hidromiel de Germania

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ENTRETENIMIENTO (Ya que el festín se prolongará hasta horas intempestivas de la noche):

Los mejores chistes verdes de nuestro repertorio 

Entrega de regalos del amigo invisible, todos artículos de broma

Poemas de Safo, de Anacreonte y de Cátulo (incluyendo el consabido "Lesbia mea!")

Anécdotas sobrenaturales de fantasmas, licántropos, duendes, brujerías...

Anécdotas de la vida de los dueños de la casa

La Guerra de Troya narrada por nuestro experto en historia militar

Horóscopos para el mes de Augustus, para todos los signos zodiacales 

Torneo de juegos: damas, tres en raya, dados y cótabo (lanzamiento del último sorbo de la copa)

Bailarinas de la cuerda floja actuarán en nuestro impluvium

Nuestros acróbatas pasarán por un aro en llamas, también en el impluvium

Mozas gaditanas bailarán al son de las castañuelas, contoneando las caderas

Nuestros efebos os ungirán los pies con aceite de lavanda, agua de rosas o de azahar (a gusto de los comensales)

Arrumacos y mimitos con nuestros coperos (y con Carpus, si os gustan más mazados)

et caetera, et caetera, et caetera...

REVOLTING CHILDREN - ENJOLTAIRE FICS

More El semen de los ahorcados filks! This one is from Book I, when the cast are "fourthies" and Javert becomes temporarily headmaster and induces apartheid between the Houses - this is when they start AS-SORTED and get the ball rolling, revolutionarywise!

REVOLTING CHILDREN

JEHAN PROUVAIRE:

Woah!
Never again will he get the best of me!
Never again will they take away my freedom
and we won't forget the day we fought
for the right to be a little bit naughty!

Never again
will that bloody door slam!
Never again
will I be bullied, and
Never again

will I doubt it 
when my mummy says I'm a miracle!

NEVER AGAIN!!

[ALL MEMBERS OF AS-SORTED]
Never again will we live behind bars!
Never again now that we know
We are!

We are revolting children
living in rеvolting times
and we sing revolting songs
using rеvolting rhymes
We'll be revolting children
till our revolting's done
And we'll have Javert soon bolting
we're revolting!

[BAHOREL]
We will become a screaming horde!

[ÉPONINE]
Take out your Quidditch bat, and use it as a sword!

[COURFEYRAC]
Never again will we be ignored!

[GRANTAIRE]
We'll find out where the chalk is stored
and draw rude pictures on the board!

[ENJOLRAS]
It's not insulting!

[ALL MEMBERS OF AS-SORTED]
We're revolting!

We can S-P-L how we like!
If enough of us are wrong
Wrong is right!
Everyone! A little N-O-R-TY! Y?
Cause we're a little bit naughty!
You say we oughta stay inside the line
If we disobey at the same time
There is nothing that Javert then can do!

[GRANTAIRE]

He can take that truncheon and S-H-UV...!

[ALL HOGWARTS STUDENTS]
You mighta' thought we were weak but we're strong
You mighta' thought you were right but you're wrong
because you finally pushed us too far
but there's no going back now 'cause we R...

[EVERYONE]
R-E-V-O-L-T-I-N 

[ENJOLRAS] (Revolting times!)

[EVERYONE]
We'll S-I-N-G 

[COMBEFERRE] (Songs!)

[EVERYONE]
U S-I-N-G... 

[COURFEYRAC] (Rhymes!)

[EVERYONE]

[ALL HOGWARTS STUDENTS]
We'll be R-E-V-O-L-T-I-N-G
It is 2-L-8-4-U we R -E-volting!

We are revolting children
Living in revolting times
We sing revolting songs
Using revolting rhymes
We'll be revolting children
'Til our revolting's done
It is 2 L-8 4 U
4-U
4-U
4-U
4-U!

We are revolting children
Living in revolting times
We sing revolting songs
Using revolting rhymes
We'll be revolting children
'Til our revolting's done
It is 2 L8 4 U

we

**********************

SEREMOS REVOLTOSOS

JEHAN PROUVAIRE:

Woh oh woh oh woh...

Nunca jamás me van ellos a exprimir...

Nunca jamás nos van a cortar las alas...

y nunca olvidaremos el día en que luchamos

por ser algo traviesos...

Nunca jamás las puertas se cerrarán,

nunca jamás sufriré bullying y

nunca jamás dudaré de que mi mami dice

que un milagro soy

¡NUNCA JAMÁS!

[TODO AS-SORTED]

Nunca jamás nos encarcelarán,

nunca jamás, ¡sabemos cómo esto irá!

Seremos revoltosos,

en tiempos revueltos que hay

y los versos que cantar

perversos hoy serán...

Seremos revoltosos

hasta el feliz final:

y Javert se irá a la porra,

¡revoltosos!

BAHOREL:

¡Una horda de hunos y pasión!

ÉPONINE:

¡De tu bate de quidditch haz un espadón!

COURFEYRAC:

Nunca jamás nos ignorarán

GRANTAIRE:

La tiza vamos a buscar

para un dibujo muy vulgar

ENJOLRAS:

No es un insulto

TODO AS-SORTED:

¡Revoltosos!

Como quieras puedes D-L-trear,

no nos podemos nada equivocar,

everyone a little N-O-R-TY, Y?

Porque somos algo traviesos

Dices que en tus moldes vamos a encajar,

pero si cruzamos la línea al compás

no hay nada que Javert pueda hacer

GRANTAIRE:

¡Que se meta el garrote ese por el orto!

TODO HOGWARTS:

Te creías que somos débiles, ¡no!

Te creías que tenías razón

Nos has puesto ya a mucha presión

no volvemos atrás 'cause we are

R-E-V-O-L-T-I-N

ENJOLRAS: ¡Tiempos revueltos!

TODO HOGWARTS:

We S-I-N-G

COMBEFERRE: ¡Versos!

TODO HOGWARTS:

U S-I-N-G

COURFEYRAC: ¡Perversos!

TODO HOGWARTS:

We'll be R-E-V-O-LT-I-N-G

It is 2 L8 4U, sí ¡revoltosos!

Seremos revoltosos,

en tiempos revueltos que hay

y los versos que cantar

perversos hoy serán...

Seremos revoltosos

hasta el feliz final:

It is 2 L8 4U

4U!

4U!

4U!

4U!

Seremos revoltosos,

en tiempos revueltos que hay

y los versos que cantar

perversos hoy serán...

Seremos revoltosos

hasta el feliz final:

It is 2 L8 4U

Sí, ¡revoltosos!