THE NEXT KINGDOM OVER (MYTHS AND LEGENDS)

MYTHS AND LEGENDS: EPISODE 368 "EYE LOVE YOU"

My favourite setting here is "the next kingdom over." (Its palace is the home of the princess, ie the love interest and eventual wife.) All places in "that land" or "kingdom" we see are the road and the palace (later on, the princess has a second palace built with her dowry), and all characters we see who live here are the princess (love interest and eventual wife), who has the ability to read, her dad, her servants, who also have the ability to read, the guards, the palace doctor, and "Everyone" (even though we hear of no civilian settlements).

..............................

... is probably a phrase that will get you arrested. 

It depends on the kingdom and how dangerous you are acting, but, when stopped and questioned by guards in the road, the next kingdom over, ... he was detained. Because he was getting married! Kind of.

Whether she understood fatalism, and knew there was a prophecy that she would marry the man that ..., or she had a very specific type, the princess of that land was... waiting for a man with ... to make his way through the kingdom. Everyone knew about this. Everyone thought it was a stall tactic on the part of the princess to not marry someone she didn't like, but they humoured her, until her dad would eventually grow tired of the whole thing and make her marry anyway.

Until the young man walked through the front door of the palace, on his stated quest. Well, "walked" is a generous term. The guards were a bit overzealous and he was dragged through. But with a hasty doctor visit and profuse apologies, the kid was set right.

Sitting down with his new fiancée, he explained that he'd love to marry her... He was just on a quest .... The princess had a healthy suspicion that the boy did not, and also the ability to read, so she asked to see the message. She held it up.

"Oh, it's a little crumpled, and slightly got a little blood smear on it from the guards' 'greeting'... Uh..." She would have her servants clean it off for him, while still maintaining the seal of the queen's ring. They, of course, changed it to read: "...." (Basically, a Uriah letter is changed to something more positive).

........

... seeing as they wanted for nothing, the young man could finally marry the princess, because, in stories where people get married the day or week they meet, a two-month engagement was absolutely ridiculously long.

So, the young man ... lived in the kingdom of his now wife. They got married in an extravagant wedding, and .... As he laid in bed with his new wife, .... 

THE END.

"Sorry, sorry, I CAN'T do it!" the princess, the young man's new wife, said, sitting up in bed and crossing her arms.

...

The princess laughed: "No!" ... The princess wanted (her stepmother-in-law's) story to end with her DEAD. Buried in a field used for farming, ... and covered in manure.

The husband ... grimaced. That was really specific and dark.

The princess nodded: Oooh... Oh, she had ideas! This was happening! She rose and got to work.

The young man ... looked around the palace.

"Cool, cool palace!"

The dowry went to the palace the princess had built, and it was a nice palace.

..........

... down to even the wall carvings and the placement of the furniture, ...

.........

"Guards, arrest that woman (stepmother-in-law)", .... 

The guards didn't do it. Instead they looked at the princess and the young man, who nodded. The guards then dogpiled the Queen.

...

The Queen was dangerous. But they had no idea of what to do with her.

The princess chimed in. Oh, she had ideas!

... (The evil Queen is executed by the princess's guards with the method the princess had suggested).

.......,.....................

It really was the princess pushing for justice in the original, which... good for her, I guess! (I AGREE WITH JASON WEISER MYSELF!)