CAPERUCITA ROJA - ROALD DAHL

CAPERUCITA ROJA

según

ROALD DAHL

Traducción de Sandra Dermark

En cuanto a don Lobo Feroz

le entró un día una gazuza atroz,

llamó a la puerta de la Yaya.

Al abrir, vio la buena anciana

colmillos como bayonetas,

y don Feroz dijo: "¿Me dejas

entrar?" Ella sentía pavor.

"¡Me va a devorar, oh, Señor!"

Por supuesto, tenía razón:

entera él se la zampó.

Pero la Yaya era algo dura,

y gritó el Lobo con locura:

"¡Vaya que un humano tan viejo

no es más que hueso y pellejo!

¡Pues no me siento nada lleno!"

Corriendo fue por la cocina,

gritando fuerte y con inquina:

"¡Necesito un segundo plato!"

Y añadió, por pasar el rato,

en un tono más bien siniestro:

"Ahora ocuparé su puesto

y esperaré a la nietecita,

a que venga Caperucita

de su paseo por la foresta".

Se puso la cofia en la testa,

los quevedos y el camisón,

las zapatillas, con tesón,

y hasta rulos y mucha laca,

antes de tumbarse en la cama.

Entró la niña de escarlata,

se detuvo y le miró fijo,

y, acto seguido, le dijo:

"Abuela, ¡qué orejotas tienes!"

"Para oírte mejor", respondió.

"Abuela, ¡qué ojazos tienes!"

"Para verte mejor", respondió.

Y sonreía el caradura:

"Me zamparé a esta criatura,

que, con la Yaya al comparar,

deberá saber a caviar".

Y dijo Caperucita: "Abuela,

¡qué cacho hermoso abrigo de piel tienes!"

Y don Feroz: "¡Pardiez! ¿Te has olvidado

de que de mi BOCA habrías hablado?

Ahora, no importa lo que digas:

de tí no dejaré ni migas."

Ella sonríe. La fiera traga.

Se saca un Uzi de las bragas

la niña, apunta al entrecejo,

y, ¡PUM!, el travestí cae muerto.

Algo más tarde, en la foresta,

vi a la niña de la cesta...

pero, ¿qué fue de aquella capa

inconfundible y escarlata?

Al saludarme, ella elogió

su abrigo de LOBO FEROZ.

TSQ-IV RETELLING - LANCE x BOBBI

Another fanfic TSQ-IV retelling: this one with Bobbi Morse as the princess and Lance Hunter as the prince.
And this one is redoubtable as well!

It wasn't until she got to the convolvulus that learned anything useful.

"Farther down the river, there is an old castle with ivy growing all over it, and there is a woman who stands at the balcony, more lovely than any of us here in the garden. She looks down the road and waits for someone to come."

"That is all I know," said the convolvulus, and it said no more. And none of the other flowers knew.

...knowing about the woman in the castle was better than knowing nothing at all...

...into the palace to listen to the court musicians. ...at the strings of the instruments when they are left unattended...

"The palace! I am looking for a castle! Is it much the same place? Is there a woman there?"

Ah, not just a woman, but a princess.

Oh, a princess! And is she waiting for someone? The convovulus said—

Many travelers have been seen these past few months, mostly those who have come far and wide to win the hand of the princess. She has turned many away, you know, and she is a very clever. So clever, in fact, that she was bored with her own cleverness. She studied the art of war, and she became a great warrior for her kingdom. But a peace has come over the land, and to pass the time, the princess decided to marry. So she sent out word that if a man could come to her, and not be afraid of her, he could be her prince. It turns out that there are many who want to be a prince, and they traveled from distant lands for a chance to woo the princess. But they were each in for a surprise, for when they entered the palace, and they stood face to face with her majesty, they were so overcome with her beauty, cleverness, and ferocity that most of them stood still as a statue. Others who came, even if they were well-spoken outside the palace, stumbled over their words like a small child. And after a time, the princess was so distraught over the whole affair that she declared that anyone who came into the palace, and spoke well, and acted as if he was quite at home, would have her hand in marriage. And such a person came.
The traveller, he came to the palace—he was dirty, for he must have traveled a long way. But he was very handsome.
Did he find favor with the princess?
Why, yes he did. Instead of freezing or making a fool of himself, the traveller strode right up to the princess as she sat on her throne, gave a bow, and said, "I can see why this place would bore you into matrimony. I've been here less than five minutes, and I'm bored enough to try it myself. Care to join me?" And the princess was so taken by his boldness that she agreed.
You cannot go to the palace, they have guards posted at every entrance, and they do not take kindly to uninvited guests.
The castle could be seen easily from the river.
around corners and hid in little crevices as guards passed them by.
...to make way to the princess's chamber. And oh! how lovely was the room, for it seemed to be painted in gold, and there were two small beds that came up from the ceiling on golden stems. Each bed was adorned with large petals that made it look like the person laying in it had been swallowed by a flower. One was red like a rose, and in it lay the princess. The other was white like a daisy, and in that one lay the one.
How peaceful he looked as he slept in his palace bed!
to find the princess towering over, and she was just as fearsome... She had a robe red as blood and long, blond hair that streamed downward in curls.
But then the princess smiled, and asked very sweetly what was the matter...
When he turned his head to blink at her...  It was merely the prince. One thought he was not quite so handsome as everyone said.
...to discover that the princess was as kind as she was fierce, for she asked what had brought the palace at such a late hour...
"I see," said the princess, "but you cannot continue this journey when the world is covered in snow. You must stay here with me until spring, and you may spend each day in my library and read more books than you ever dreamed of. I have always longed to have a student of my own."

Truly, one could not imagine the wealth of knowledge in a possessed by a princess as clever as she. 

"You poor little thing," said the princess. "Well, if that is the case, I will help you on your way. You will need a new coat, and some boots, and a carriage to take you to Finmark. A woman lives there, who is a greater warrior even than I, and she will help if she knows I have sent you."

The princess, of course, was not startled at all.

Both quickly agreed that the princess was indeed very clever, and by the time the sun rose that morning, Gemma was dressed from head to toe in new clothes, and sent off into the wide word to continue her journey.

ON MY OBITUARY FOR GUSTAVUS ADOLPHUS

Inspired by thirst

for glory, on the field of battle quaffed

instead death's bitter draught.

Thus read the words that grace this site on every 6th of November, as obituary for the Hero King of Lützen.
But where did they come from?

They actually describe the demise of the second young man in the La Fontaine fable, illustrating warfare as a bringer of death in general and of death to young people in particular. The verses applied to Gustavus are the translation of this character's fate as Englished by Paul Hookham.
The original French has:

[···] afin de monter aux grandes dignités, 
par un coup imprévu vit ses jours emportés. 

While the more famous English translation by Elizur Wright has:

In quest of dignity at court,

[···] met his country’s foe,

and perish’d by a random blow.

A third English translation has:

[···] filled with martial zeal,

bore weapons for the common weal,

and in a battle had the lot

of falling by a random shot.

The official Swedish version by has:

[···] ville uppnå den högsta värdighet,

och tjänade [···] som en av Ares' fränder,

men träffad av ett skott han snart i gräset bet.

The Italian translation:

[···] non meno ardente
d'onor, per la sua patria
pugnando, entro la mischia
d'un colpo al suol restò.

The German translation:

[···] der im Dienst des Kriegs bewährt und brav,
stolz, in der Republik ruhmreichem Heer zu stehen,
verlor das Leben, als ein Schuss ihn plötzlich traf;

And last but not least, in Spanish, my own mother tongue:

[···] deseoso de altos timbres,

sirviendo a la república en lucidos

y marciales empleos, vio sus días

terminados por un golpe imprevisto.

Long story short: all of the versions deal with the death of a young man upon the battlefield, due to a gunshot, stressing the fatality of warfare and that of firearms.
Notice how the French original stresses both of these facts as succinctly as can be, while the Italian translation stresses the young man's passion, his patriotism, and the fierceness of the combat (after all, Italians had had to give it all for their freedom during the nineteenth century). The Spanish translation stresses the high ambition and the brightness of the young warrior. The German version speaks of national pride and sense of duty: the typically Prussian attitude to warfare for both lieutenants and rankers.

But it was the Hookham English version that struck me. Not only does it low out the gun altogether, but it portrays his death as for a nobler cause, by using the metaphor of a bitter drink of poison that has to be drained to the last drop for the drinker to go down in history and eternity. Of the ambitious young man as, hot-blooded as he is, unquenchably thirsty (for renown, for excitement, for power, for conquest, for feats of derring-do), and only refreshed with that last cold draught of poison at the end of the day. Whether a drop of liquid, a stab, or a gunshot, something slight yet lethal winds up sealing the hero's fate and satisfying all of his desires (irony, considering his achievements in wartime and peacetime, which have not been able to "quench his thirst"), crowning the quest of a short lifetime and raising that person's name to posterity.
To quench his thirst for glory, he quaffed death's bitter draught. That metaphor speaks volumes. It goes beyond the national character boundaries of the Spaniard, "deseoso de altos timbres y lucido"; of the Prussian, "bewährt, brav und stolz"; of the Italian, "ardente d'onor, per la sua patria pugnando, entro la mischia"... of the Swede, who "tjänar för att uppnå den högsta värdighet"; and of the Frenchman who started it all, with a desire "de monter aux grandes dignités" slightly more pronounced and passionate than the Swede's. Not to mention the other Anglos, one "ready to meet his country's foe in quest for dignity at court"; the other, less ambitious and more passionate, "filled with martial zeal." Beyond all of these differences, Hookham's are words that could be said of any wartime martyr. And thus, I chose them as my personal obituary for Gustavus Adolphus.

THIS WINTER'S WESTEROS FAIRYTALE

THIS WINTER'S WESTEROS FAIRYTALE:
WHILE THE SUN AND MOON ENDURE

After "The Queen Beyond the Wall" and "Not Today!", our blog will host a third Westeros fairytale for Christmas (this is becoming a tradition, after all). This time, we get our first Grimm tale done as a Jaimienne story of hope lost and regained.

"While the Sun and Moon Endure" is the story of a man who lost it all: fame, fortune, friends, family, hope, courage, and his sword-hand. When sinister strangers save his life on the battlefield, he enters a covenant with them: never to groom himself, smile or laugh, shed any tears or say any prayers to any gods, for seven years and seven days. Neither must he take off his bear-skin coat. As a result, his dexter hand grows back, now made of solid gold, and his pockets are always full of gold dragons. Yet, due to his hideous appearance and odour, he becomes far more of an outsider than after he was crippled.
After helping a lord's widow with three daughters out of dire straits, Lady Catelyn offers the bear-skinned man one of her daughters in marriage. While Arya jeers and Sansa is frightened, Brienne agrees to her (adoptive) mother's wishes, seeing a heart of gold beyond the filthy skin. And thus, when they have to part ways, she gives Jaime the sun half of her sun-and-moon locket, the only keepsake she has from her real parents, keeping the moon for herself, as a token of their promise... Will Jaime and Brienne see one another again?

CAST

• Jaime Lannister as our hero ("Bärenhäuter").
• Brienne of Tarth as our heroine
• Roose Bolton as the mysterious stranger (man in green)
• Qyburn as a military surgeon
• Catelyn Stark as our heroine's (adoptive) mother
• Sansa Stark as our heroine's (adoptive) sister
• Arya Stark as our heroine's (adoptive) sister
• The Lannisters as our hero's hard-hearted family
• The Bear of Harrenhal as herself

PS. This story makes reference to the Bolt-On theory that Roose Bolton may be the Night's Prince (the estranged child of the Night's King and Queen) and that he needs a younger vessel to rejuvenate every now and then (think Orochimaru), with the implication that he wants Jaime as his next vessel.

GENTE HECHA AL REVÉS

Un joven Francisco de Quevedo, en el Sueño del Infierno, cuando un demonio le presenta a los zurdos:

Estaban tras de una puerta unos hombres, muchos en cantidad, quejándose de que no hiciesen caso dellos aun para atormentarlos, y estábales diciendo un diablo que eran todos tan diablos como ellos, que atormentasen a otros. 
-¿Quiénes son? -le pregunté. 
Y dijo el diablo: 
-Hablando con perdón, los zurdos, gente que no puede hacer cosa a derechas, quejándose de que no están con los otros condenados; y acá dudamos si son hombres u otra cosa, que en el mundo ellos no sirven sino de enfados y de mal agüero, pues si uno va en negocios y topa zurdos se vuelve como si topara un cuervo o oyera una lechuza. Y habéis de saber que cuando Scévola se quemó el brazo derecho porque erró a Porsena, que fue no por quemarle y quedar manco, sino queriendo hacer en sí un gran castigo, dijo: '¿Así que erré el golpe? Pues en pena he de quedar zurdo.' Y cuando la Justicia manda cortar a uno la mano derecha por una resistencia, es la pena hacerle zurdo, no el golpe; y no queráis más que queriendo el otro echar una maldición muy grande, fea y afrentosa, dijo: 

Lanzada de moro izquierdo 
te atraviese el corazón.

Al fin, es gente hecha al revés y que se duda si son gente.

HOUSE OF LINEAGES - CALDERÓN

More lefty jokes from the Siglo de Oro. I mean, I am not offended by lefty jokes (or carrothead jokes, or freckle jokes, or mannish woman jokes) from the early modern period; in fact, I find them funny as a kind of self-deprecation.

In La casa de los linajes/House of Lineages, by Pedro Calderón de la Barca, there are a southpaw, a hunchback, a tailor (they were notorious for snatching from their customers), a Moor (actually, a Turk), a Negro, a dueña (the kind of lady we in our days call a cougar), a mondongo seller... the cast is, long story short, a rag-tag motley crew of outsiders, who pop out of the blue in front of a pair of young noblemen, giving the chance for endless jokes about lefties, Turks, tailors, cougars, mondongo sellers, and so on...

(ZURDO) Este personaje, junto con el corcovado, parecen entrar en el campo de las «figuras de capricho», de neta influencia quevedesca. Vid. M. Gendreau-Masaloux, «Le gaucher selon Quevedo: un homme à l'envers», en L'image du monde renversé, citada. La visión de la muchedumbre de zurdos en el Sueño del Infierno (vid. ed. cit., pp. 131-132) es definitiva para la caracterización moral negativa del personaje, que entronca así perfectamente con la sátira de los «linajes» que pretende Calderón. Vid. también n. a vv. 140-141 del entremés Las jácaras. Para la comprensión de este sistema de inversiones morales remitimos asimismo a las notas del entremés Las Carnestolendas.

DON TRISTÁN ¡Vara de medir, picaño! Vos debéis de presumir que con algún zurdo habláis.

(Sale un ZURDO, rebozado, con la espada a zurdas.)

-285-

ZURDO ¿Y qué tienen, me decid, los zurdos, para que no 90 deba el mismo Belianís hablar muy cortés con ellos?

DON TRISTÁN ¿Qué han de tener más, si vi que aun menos derechos son que un corcovado?

(Sale un CORCOVADO.)

CORCOVADO Mentís: 95 que un corcovado no puede ser derecho; un zurdo sí.

DON TRISTÁN ¡Mentís a mí!

(Danse de palos.)

DON GIL ¡Deteneos!

UN ZURDO Y UN JOROBADO: DE AVELLANEDA

Una negra (sin ánimo de ofender: sólo cito al autor) sordomuda, un cojo, un zurdo y un jorobado... En resumen: personajes marginados en las Españas del Siglo de Oro, se dan cita en el breve paso teatral Los N***os... Los Negros (sin ánimo de ofender: sólo cito al autor), de Avellaneda.

Ponemos como fragmento el diálogo entre el zurdo y el jorobado (para que vean la fama que teníamos nosotros los zurdos en los viejos tiempos):

		Hicieron las amistades
		un zurdo y un corcovado,	65
		sujetos todos los dichos,
		en el mundo señalados".
Van saliendo un Zurdo, y un Corcovado,
y otros ridículamente vestidos [10].
Zurdo		¡Primo!
Corcovado		¡Primo!
Zurdo		¿Qué es aquesto?
Corcovado		¿Ahora riñendo os hallo?
Zurdo		Yo he de hacer las amistades.	70
Corcovado		¿No miras que yo he llegado?
Zurdo		¿Pues tú te metes conmigo?
Corcovado		Dejemos dingolondangos [11],
		porque yo no soy altivo.
Zurdo		No es altivo... ¡Más: no es blanco! [12]	75
Corcovado		Pues, ¿cómo habla desa suerte,
		si tú aún no sabes, menguado,
		cuál es tu mano derecha?
Zurdo		Yo, en ofreciéndose el caso,
		sé salir bien de un empeño	80
		con lo que hallo más a mano,
		pero tú, por bien que salgas,
		siempre te quedas cargado [13].

---

[2] el mismo tipo de chistes aparecen más abajo destinados al zurdo y al corcovado; unos y otros remiten a expresiones que, por ser actuales, no precisan mayor explicación.

[10] Compárese la siguiente escena con la que se desarrolla en el entremés La casa de los linajes, de Calderón: "Zurdo. ¿Y qué tienen, me decid, / los zurdos, para que no / deba el mismo Belianís / hablar muy cortés con ellos? / don tristán. ¿Qué han de tener más, si vi / que aún menos derechos son / que un corcovado? Corcovado. Mentís: / que un corcovado no puede / ser derecho: un zurdo sí" [Teatro cómico, 662]. En el teatro breve abundan los ejemplos de personajes cuyo rasgo definitorio único es una tara física (como tara se consideraba también no ser diestro). Haciendo uso de repetitivos juegos de palabras, a los zurdos se les achaca no saber "cuál es su mano derecha", no hacer nada "a derechas", eran objeto de supersticiones sobre el contagio de su "mala mano" en los negocios u oficios y, en fin, se les reprochaba su "mala condición". Cfr.: "has de saber, ¡oh, Sancho!, que no saber un hombre leer, o ser zurdo, arguye una de dos cosas: o que fue hijo de padres demasiado humildes y bajos, o él tan travieso y malo que no pudo entrar en él el buen uso ni la buena doctina" [Quijote, II, xliii, 903-904]; véase al respecto Herrero Herrero García [1925: 170-173].

[11] dingolondangos: "palabra arbitraria y del uso sólo de la ínfima plebe que no tiene significación fija, y se aplica variamente según la idea" (Aut.).

[12] altivo...blanco: se llamaba "hombre blanco" al que pertenecía a la aristocracia, por eso el Zurdo insiste en que el Corcovado no puede ser altivo, porque no tiene motivos para serlo. Cfr. Avisos, de Jerónimo de Barrionuevo: "el conde Molina es el que los lleva, caballero muy bien quisto, con que no queda hombre blanco que no quiera embarcarse, cosa que ninguno hiciera si fuera el de Medinaceli, por ser odiosísimo á todos su modo de proceder, y se dice que á los 20 deste se harán á la vela" [en CORDE].

[13] cargado: dilógico, 'cargado de espaldas', es decir, corcovado, pero también "entre el vulgo se llaman así los valentones y rufianes que se encorvan y agobian para parecer fieros" (Aut.).