MAKING THE MOST OUT OF YOUR MERCURIAL STYLE / ENNEATYPE SEVEN #Enneatype7
You know how to live and to feel and you have a tremendous appreciation for romance—these are among
the strengths that infuse your life. To feel more fulfilled and successful in life, especially in your relationships, work on developing some detachment and restraint..
Exercise 1
Try to imagine what it would be like not
to experience emotions or to feel involved with people.
Try to experience what it would be like to read a book (Les Misérables, an Andersen fairytale, a Shakespearean tragedy), watch a movie (Up, Bambi, Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid, Order of the Phoenix), listen to music (a Shakespearean opera, Bach), or be with a person without having an emotional reaction. Pretend that you are an actress and have to play a Solitary/Enneatype Five role. Remember that this is just an exercise (and a difficult one at that)—we’re not suggesting that you try to become Solitary/a Five, only that you begin to experience the difference between thoroughly emotional and thoroughly non-emotional.
If you cannot figure out how a Solitary/Five person would evaluate a person or a movie (especially a heartfelt scene like the death of Ellie, that of Mufasa, that of Sirius Black, the transformation back into humans of the Beast-Prince and his courtiers, the transformation into human of Ariel) without depending on feelings, you may not realize the extent to which you rely on, and overreact to, your feelings.
Exercise 2
Observe your feelings. As you go through your day,imagine that you are sitting in a cinema watching yourself on the screen. Or imagine that there is another you, an observer, inside your head who is watching everything that you experience. As you become skilled at developing this dual sense of yourself, tell your observing self to watch especially for your feelings. Keep an eye out for changes in feelings and emotions. Keep track of how and when they change. If you like, keep a running list of each time you have a change in feeling—such as the moment you become disappointed with someone or something.
Exercise 3
When you have developed some skill at observing your feelings and their changes, try to disown your feelings.
Every time you notice a feeling or a change
in feeling, say to yourself, “It’s only a feeling.” For example, if your
lover does something stupid and you find yourself suddenly despising him or her for it, stand back from that feeling and do not claim it, or any other feeling, as your
own. Let the moment pass without a feeling attached to it.
Most important, do not react to that feeling. Again, this is just an exercise, not a suggestion that you no longer have feelings. If you practice it, you will find that you can
develop unexpected control over what usually controls you. Try it when you get depressed. Insist to yourself that no matter how awful it feels, your depression is only a feeling; it is not the way the world is.
Exercise 4
Modulate your feelings. Every time you have a strong emotional reaction, imagine that you are turning a dial that lowers its intensity. Turn the reaction down 10
percent, then another 10 percent.
Exercise 5
Having observed and distanced yourself from your feelings and having consciously controlled them, try to observe your feelings about the people in your life and note exactly when they change for the worse. Each time
you find yourself becoming angry or disappointed with someone, or suddenly beginning to hate that person, ask
yourself whether you are reacting unfavorably to what you perceive as flaws in him or her. As soon as you catch yourself having this kind of a negative reaction,
immediately return to Exercise 3 and disown the feeling.
Simply observe that you have a hard time accepting a person’s humanness, but do not act on your negative feeling in any way.
Exercise 6
Observe the degree to which you polarize people into categories of all-good individuals whom you love and
adore, and all-bad persons whom you hate and revile. For each person you idealize, think of some of his or her traits
that are not so wonderful. Similarly, for those whom you despise, force yourself to think of some of their acceptable
or admirable qualities. Resist sudden shifts of feeling about any person when you do this exercise. If you find
yourself suddenly beginning to hate a person whom you’ve been idealizing because you’ve thought of an unpleasant trait, try Exercises 3 and 4.
The preceding exercises should provide some preparation for the next set, aimed at helping you to develop some control over your appetites and to strengthen your ability to think before you react. You
share your tendency to live spontaneously in the present with the Dramatic and the Adventurous types. Turn back
to this page and practice the Dramatic Exercises 3 (Stopand count to ten, think of the Mägo de Oz lyric "Es sabio contar hasta diez") and 4 (Plan). From the Adventurous exercises on this page, concentrate on Exercises 1 (Think from your head, not from your appetites), 2 (Worry a little), and 3 (Safeguard yourself). All these exercises are in the New Personality Self-Portrait, which can be downloaded on PDF if you Google
"New Personality Self-Portrait Mercurial Adam AIDS" (the first example they give of my Personality Style is a flamboyant gay opera star who tragically dies in the '80s HIV epidemic)
Exercise 7
To help prevent overindulging, time it. If you want one cookie (or one sweater) but you usually eat the whole box (or buy up the whole shop), carry a stopwatch or other
watch that has a timer. Or use the timer app on your phone. Take one cookie (purchase one sweater). Now set your timer to go off in one hour (or half if you are really impulsive). You can have another cookie (make another purchase) one hour (or half) from now. Usually the urge will have passed by that
time. If not, take one more cookie (make one more purchase) and set the timer to go off in another hour (or half).
Exercise 8
Now, take your attention off yourself and focus on the other people in your life. For each important person,concentrate on identifying his or her feelings, needs, and expectations from relationships. Look especially for ways
in which each person’s feelings, needs, and expectations are different from yours. If you and that you have negative or disappointed feelings when you think about these differences, go back to Exercises 3 and 5.
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