jueves, 3 de diciembre de 2015

REELING AND WRITHING III: DISSES

REELING AND WRITHING
or,
Miss Dermark's 2015 Advent Calendar

DAY THREE

DISSES
or,
HOW TO DISS ONE'S OPPONENTS DERMARK STYLE

Today, we'll be looking at disses, showing you my Othello parody, a rap battle I have written, and one of my favourite Swedish songs done into English (by myself): Evert Taube's "Seventeenth Ballad", written in his youth as a bohemian... a caustic, Voltairian "take that" at Stockholm high society that has had an interesting history as a song.


First we'll look at Othello: the Shakespearean play, Charles Lamb's short story, Boito's libretto, Kalbeck's translation of said libretto into German, and my own parody, the Travesty. To see how Iago disses Cassio in all of these versions and how I manufactured my own Dermark brand of Iago's rant of disses to Cassio:

SHAKESPEARE:
A fellow almost damn'd in a fair life;
That never set a squadron in the field,
Nor the division of a battle knows
More than a spinster; unless the bookish theoric,
Wherein the toged consuls can propose
As masterly as he: mere prattle, without practise,
Is all his soldiership. But he, sir, had the election…
He, in good time, must his lieutenant be,
And I--God bless the mark!--His Moorship's ensign.

CHARLES LAMB:
This promotion gave great offence to Iago, an older officer who thought he had a better claim than Cassio, and would often ridicule Cassio as a fellow only for the company of ladies, and one that knew no more of the art of war or how to set an army in array for battle, than a girl. Iago hated Cassio, and he hated Othello as well for favouring Cassio, as for an unjust suspicion, which he had lightly taken up against Othello that the Moor was too fond of Iago’s wife Emilia.

BOITO:
Quell'azzimato capitano usurpa 
il grado mio, il grado mio che in cento 
ben pugnate battaglie ho meritato; 
tal fu il voler d'Otello, 
ed io rimango 
di sua Moresca Signoria.... l'alfiere! 

KALBECK:
das aufgestutzte Offizierchen, 
Verdrängte mich vom Platz, von meinem Platz, 
Den ich in hundert ehrlich geschlag'nen Schlachten 
Verdiente. Das war das Werk Othellos. 

Ich bin der Fähnrich seiner Mohrenschaft 
geblieben. 

THE TRAVESTY:
IAGO (to himself): I have fought by his side in countless battles, on the frontline itself, risking life and limb by his side, and yet... (Pause.) That frilly little upstart... that stripling of this new kind of "educated officers", who knows as much of tactics as a novice in a nunnery... has just usurped the rank which is mine by right! He should rather die! Er... Why not? (He gives the audience a mean death glare)

And there you have it. The Shakespearean mention of Cassio as a book-learned officer without the field experience Iago has, scare-quoted for irony; the "frilly little (officer)" from Kalbeck's translation; the word "stripling" for a young man, especially a slender and/or feminine seeming one, which I learned from a Joyce story (used to describe English artiste Weathers, one of my favourite Joyce characters); and "upstart", which, referring to Cassio as a newcomer suddenly risen to power, has all the connotations of a slur. How eclectic a combination! As for Cassio's field experience... Shakespeare compares it to an old maid's, Lamb's to a young girl's, while my Iago goes the extra mile by comparing it to a novice nun's, quoting à propos a verse from the Modern Major General Song in The Pirates of Penzance. The climax, the jewel of the crown, comes from Iago saying Cassio "has usurped the rank which is mine by right." the use of "usurp", a pretty loaded verb, is from Boito's libretto, while Iago's entitlement and defense of his claim recall Stannis Baratheon's attitude towards his brother Renly ("The Iron Throne is mine by right."). There you have my version of the lieutenancy rant, an eclectic, intertextual, intelligent, ironic, and savvy rant so typical of the Travesty Iago.


Now on to the next example: Joffrey "Baratheon" vs. Dellinger.


Honestly, rap battles haven't been my cup of tea until, a month ago, I saw Romeo and Juliet vs. Bonnie and Clyde. Then came Julius Caesar vs. Shaka Zulu, Marilyn Monroe vs. Cleopatra, Asian philosophers vs. Western philosophers, Shakespeare vs. Doctor Seuss, Gandalf vs. Dumbledore, Rasputin vs. Stalin (feat. Lenin, Gorbachov, and Putin), Donald Trump vs. Ebenezer Scrooge (feat. J.P. Morgan as the Ghost of Xmas Past, Kanye West as Xmas Present, and the Grim Reaper as Xmas Future), Mrs. Claus vs. Mary Poppins (feat. Santa and Bert), Maleficent vs. Daenerys, and most recently Hermione vs. Katniss.

Why I chose Joffrey and Dellinger? Because they're uncannily similar and yet foils to one another. Both of them are arrogant blond male teenage sociopaths, yet there are contrasting differences: Joff is the fruit of twincest, while Dellinger is half-human (and half-fishman). Joff had a tough childhood with his dysfunctional royal family, while Dellinger was happily adopted since early infancy by a pirate crew/syndicate. Joff is always sharply dressed, while Dellinger wears pretty eccentric attire (a baseball cap, a turtleneck, shorts, and... stiletto heels?). Joff sticks to gender roles, while Dellinger was raised as a girl and, though identifying himself as male, is pretty effeminate. Moreover: Dellinger's pumps are purple just like Joffrey's wedding, and he's got an attack called Decapitation High Heel, which can reference the fate of Ned Stark (for revealing Joff's true parentage)... and Dellinger is horned, while Joff wears a crown of antlers (referring to his "Baratheon" heritage, but also subtly to his own bastardry and "los cuernos" Cersei put on Robert). Also, Dellinger is bull-horned like the helmet of Joffrey's blacksmith stepbrother Gendry (who may be, in turn, a reference to the Cretan Minotaur), who is a royal bastard though on Robert's side instead of Cersei's.
With all of this in mind, no surprise that I wrote the rap battle...


(Before you continue: this rap battle contains SPOILERS for the Dressrosa arc of One Piece, and EVEN MORE SPOILERS for A Storm of Swords and Game of Thrones Season 4. If you wish not to have any of these stories spoiled, skip the rap battle entirely and go on to the next reference.)


EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MISS DERMARK!

JOFFREY BARATHEON!
VERSUS!
DELLINGER!

BEGIN!

Joffrey:
Hehehe, I get the feels, a fop clad in stiletto heels.
So come at me, you fairy boy, face to face...
Bend the knee before His Grace!

  1. Dellinger:
    Look in my eyes, 'Your Majesty',
    Sure, you go 'Westeros, that's me!'
    We rule Dressrosa
    ,
    live la vida loca,
    it's all Art Nouveau like in Catalonia!
    Though we shoot SAD,
    we always SMILE,
    it's the brand new drug with style!
    Kyahahahaha!
  2. Joffrey:
    Give me, missy, give me your fruit:
    I don't give a Dornish freaking hoot!
    No matter if you're seeing red, you creep,
    I'll have my Kingsguard lock you in the Red Keep!
    Oodles of sharp teeth, but no swag? Come on!

    Mine is the Fury, Baratheon!
  3. Dellinger:
    "Ba-ra-the-on"? So bring it on!
    Was adopted by Doffy and Corazón,
    never knew my parents, but was adored
    by the loving motley family of a great lord!
    To you, Father's Day must be a real pain...
    do you know who your dad is, if you have a brain?

    Here's a clue
    for you:
    he wasn't that fat bearded arse who beat you and drank himself to death!

    I will reveal your true heritage ere your royal lungs draw their last breath!
    Lannister!
  4. Joffrey:
    Dellinger!
    Well, I don't believe that one-liner!
    If I am truly inbred, I am no fighter dancing through the fire!
    Champion! Hear me roar!
    Rising even higher than before!
    At least my blood is purer than yours,
    spawn of interracial two-back-beasting, called the kettle black, of course!
    Untermensch, half-human vermin, you would better say farewell!
    I will keep your head as trophy for my bride, Margie Tyrell!
  5. Dellinger:
    The bride not chosen by love, chosen by the State!
    She is pleased with you and you with her, or so I heard relate!
    Had you been raised not by dysfunctionals, you'd have chosen well...
    but Grandad has to pay his debts, and thus, you'll wed a Tyrell!
    Don't you think she's too good to be true?
    Well, here are a few words of caution for you!

    In the ways of love, I take no chance,
    thus, I've spared revenge and a bad romance!
    I love my sweetie like a sister,
    and, when we've parted, freaking missed her!
    Take a lesson from me and my blueberry,
    don't get fooled by the looks or the wit of your Du Barry!
    My sweet teddy bear is sugar; yours is sharp, bitter strychnine,
    and you're unaware till you have drunk her Reach-pressed Arbour wine!
    So Joff the Toff, what do you think?
    We all know that you can't hold your drink...
  6. Joffrey:
    Sugar... ooh ooh, honey honey,
    bet your candy girl costs a lot of money,
    And besides, she's below the age of consent!
    At least, Sansa was nubile, and thus, I am more than a gent!
    Sibling love, you feel for a child...
    I make all the ladies at court go wild!
    Though your Sugar baby's too young for me, I just love pain,
    I don't care what future maesters will say about my reign!
  7. Dellinger:
    What do I hear? His Grace hard on gals?
    Do you have the guts to face your spear-side pals?
    For picking on women is a sign of a coward,
    maybe as retaliation for the stepchild who once cowered!
    I know Lannisters shit gold, but not at the other end!
    You're a spoiled royal brat without a single friend!

    We Donquixotes are family,
    I've got all my nakama and me,
    more than friends, though not bound by blood ties,
    dreaded through the New World and Paradise!
    All you Lannisters are literally fucked up! See what inbreeding has wrought! This receding at court,
    losing all that you sought!
    That whole story's kind of corny,
    but you'll see how I get horny!
    Puny mock antlers on your crown: it is clear
    your golden mane can't make you pass for a Baratheon deer (/dear)!
    Oh, that's so see-through!
    Wait till I'm done with you!

    These horns do grow on this head so fair,
    and they're meant for goring royals Gods know where!
  8. Joffrey:
    This crossbow is loaded, and the trigger is to move!
    Surely, today His Grace will his marksmanship skill prove!
    I'm not going to kill you, for I need a new Clegane
    to replace the stray that left us at Blackwater Bay!
    Only when I have grown weary, I'll go "off with his head!"
    Send you to Ilyn Payne ---not before tortures and dread---
    "Fighting fish..." I will set your severed dome on a pike,

    and besides, I'm sure that my drink they'll never spike.
    And my Tyrell wife and me'll behold the head of a traitor,
    like I once showed Sansa Stark. So bend the knee, agitator!
  9. Dellinger:
    Joff, you toff, you keep me seeing red!
    I swear that soon, Your Grace, you will fall heels over head!
    Kyahahaha!
    My high heels will decapitate you like Lord Ned!
    The North remembers its fallen, and your karma lies ahead!
    Ere you pull that trigger and fire that dart into my chest,
    my stilettos kick like pistols, and you'll get that needed rest!
    Pumps purple as your wedding will bring on your beheading...
    (Pause.)
    For these pumps are made for walking, and that is what they'll do!
    Today, Your Grace, these pumps are gonna walk all over you!
  10. Dellinger:
    Kyahahaha!
    Joffrey:
    So the sissy grew a fin, that he kept under his skin,
    symbol of that painful sin not caused by our breeding in!
    Oh, treason of the blood! And, speaking of blood,
    heard the crimson liquid makes you fill with dread. Oh, Seven Gods!

    While I sip my Arbour red, without fear of dropping dead,
    thinking of on which pike of the Keep I'll fix your head!
  11. Dellinger:
    This preposterous young royal keeps on so smug and secure,
    upon facing an opponent who's equally immature.

    I may be afraid of blood, and I acknowledge this flaw,
    but, Lannister, you've just met your Trafalgar D. Water-Law!
    Now guess who's the real me, and who's the replicate!
    Probability decreases, if you find out, it will be too late!
    Kyahahaha!
    I will dodge your every shot, with these eyes glowing red hot,
    riddling your chest with stiletto holes ere you get to tie the knot!
    Guess your wedding won't pay the debts of Lord Tywin,
    when I slap your lifeless pale face, just like the Imp, and roar "I win!"


    WHO WON?
    WHO'S NEXT?

    YOU DECIDE.
Pay heed to the disses (though the swag is also worth the pain). The things both Joff and Dellinger spew at one another.

"The Seventeenth Ballad", Sjuttonde balladen, has a fascinating story to tell:
When Evert Taube was a young man recently arrived in the capital to seek his fortune as a bohemian poet, it did not last long from the time he found a sponsor that he began to receive society commissions for writing songs and poetry and performing them in public at high class events. Like the Art Professor at the University in the Wilde tale, and like most other Art Nouveau figureheads of the West, young Evert was an angry rebel who supported art for art's sake. To call a spade a spade and prove that he would not prostitute himself and execute commissions to earn money, but express himself freely, he wrote the seventeenth poem/song of his complete works as his own creed, full of caustic disses towards Stockholm high society. Indeed, he felt out of place in this context. And Taube never sang the song in public, recorded it, or published it in any book, to avoid controversy, during his own lifetime. In 1969, the year of the moon landing, at the height of the youth revolution and counterculture, singer-songwriter Cornelis Vreeswijk discovered the song and recorded it, and, ever since, other Swedish bands like the Hootenanny Singers (1974), Eldkvarn (1990)... in 2011, Evert's son Sven Bertil Taube performed the song live for the first time in his life on TV.
As a child, I was introduced to the Cornelis version of the Seventeenth Ballad when I was around 8-10, at the turn of the millennium, but my translation is far younger, in fact, it was planned and typed in Gothenburg in the summer of this year 2015.
Now note how caustic Evert Taube is against Stockholm high society (my translation captures the spirit of the original Swedish poem perfectly). Every stanza until the last one (on Evert's artist pride) is chock-full of disses...:

It's really hard, I confess, to agree,
with one who begs me to amuse him singing
and flatters me before th' auditory,
but whose backstabbing whispers I hear ringing.
It's really hard to accept and drink his wine...
I put the cup to my lips hesitating...
He boasts he's payed for all the celebrating,
and, behind my back, he calls me a swine!

But I am free, you old and wicked fox,
and you, Your Ladyship, with all your cackle...
I'm free to sing for you, old poppycocks.
With poetry, your balderdash I tackle.
I drink your health now with the gods, with all,
and bring the angel of peace down even quicker,
after I show you who has held her liquor,
and told you the truth, and saved my soul.

Because the truth is healthy, and it is true
that if one in this land defies tradition,
not chirping constantly like chicks like you,
like all the others in their superstition,
but walks one's own way, on one's own two feet,
forgetting common sense, worshipping beauty,
some old hen cackles always about duty
and about being dreadfully indiscrete.

But cackle you tomorrow! For today,
the chance is mine: I'll sing a louder din, nice:
"Cock-a-doodl-doo! Your Lordship, pleased you may!"
For you, I've put my life upon the thin ice.
Think more of happiness than wealth or gold,
for you've got many ways to stay elated...
E'en if that I've sung intoxicated
is as my eternal reputation told!

I stand alone, though in good company,
and that by right, since my own path I follow.
The light and the goal day by day I see,
far from all of these bottles that I swallow.
And thus, by tunes of silver cords amused,
by voices only known to poets' hearing,
I forget all small trifles and all jeering...
and, proud, drink to the health of my own Muse!


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