RUNAWAY PENGUINS SIGHTED IN LA FONTETA

Three penguins, two males and a female, who disappeared from L'Oceanogràfic this Palm Sunday, have been found wandering the streets of Fonteta de Sant Lluís and the nearby countryside.

The waterfowl, who bear the names Frodo, Sam, and Arwen, were found refreshing themselves in a water canal (acequia) near Mrs. Elena Primera Broma's vegetable plot.

Her grandson Rodrigo and his boyfriend Jinu, both students at the University of Valencia, had already spotted the penguins in the Turia riverbed, not far from the Palace of the Arts (Opera House) and taken them home to Rodrigo's maternal grandmother Elena, who, after feeding them with fish sticks from her fridge, has just dialled 112 and is waiting for Oceanogràfic staff to take the penguins home to the Antarctic habitat.

"Penguins in our acequias is the kind of thing that you see once in a blue moon, and I saw in the news that these three have disappeared. It will be great for them to return home from their travels," the old lady says.

JUPITER ON A COLLISION COURSE

Observatories in Cape Cañaveral, Florida, USA, have noted how the Jupiter system (the massive gas giant, known for its Red Spot, and its over fifty moons, the largest of which, Ganymede, is way larger than Mercury) has begun moving into the Asteroid Belt and the massive gravity of Jupiter begins to absorb asteroids, left, right, and cenre.

Astronomer Uno de Abril predicts that, within five or six years, Jupiter will have left the Asteroid Belt and swallowed up Mars, with its two potato-like moons, and our Earth, with its single Moon. 

"We have very little time, our priority will be to settle other terraform planets in other star systems, in order to survive this cataclysm," Uno de Abril explains.

NATURGESCHICHTE DES NASOBEMS

 Nasobema lyricum

Artname: Nasobema lyricum Str. zu den Rhinogradentia gestellt. Kennzeichen: Die vierhöckrige Nase, auf der sich das braun bis goldbraune und scheue Tier sehr bequem fortbewegt, macht es unverkennbar. Augen: dunkel- bis nachtbraun, Ohren und Schwanz nach außen unsichtbar, Hinterläufe etwas stärker entwickelt. Höhe bis 80 cm (davon die Höcker rd. 20 %). Vorkommen: Mitteleuropa, auf dem Grunde des Luftmeers, vorwiegend auf Wiesen, Fluren, Triften. Sehr selten geworden (ausgestorben?); ein rezenter Nasobemschädel wurde 2005 an der mitteldeutschen Schleife

 im Rippach-Tal (nahe der BAB 9) freigepflügt. Das letzte Exemplar seines nächsten Verwandten, des Nasobema ferox L., wurde 1914 im Oberen Lötschtal gewildert. Paart sich ganzjährig, jedoch setzt die Hinde immer im März. Das Kalb steht nach einer Stunde und kann nach einer weiteren die Mutter begleiten, die es bis zur Geschlechtsreife führt. Dämmerungsaktiv. Nahrung sind zumeist Asphodelen, doch nimmt es auch junge Tatzelwürmer auf. Keine natürlichen Feinde.

SANDRA DERMARK HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE

 SANDRA DERMARK HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE:

The UJI University has nominated Sandra Dermark, considering her interesting blogging activities and current idleness at the present time, Alumnus NEET of the Year. She is free to claim the award in the University Paranymph at 19:00 today the 1st of April of 2022.

I'M BUYING A CATAMARAN...

 Yes, you hear it right, I'm buying a seaworthy catamaran boat in perfect shape; and her name will be Éponine. Furthermore, this summer I am sailing all over the Mediterranean with a few trusted friends of mine. We'll mostly look at ancient ruins all over the place, starting with Valencia where we set sail and the nearby Roman-based town of Sagunto.

We will baptise Éponine in real Moët et Chandon - and put Killer Queen as background music - in late June 2021. Throughout the summer I am most likely to blog and post pictures of the ruins we visit and other places of cultural/literary interest there will be to see...

Ljudlösa vagnar med mördarsniglar i spåren

De italienska spårvagnarna kommer i vår att glida ljudlöst genom kurvorna. Lösningen: mördarsniglar i spåren.

Ulf Nyström

 07:00 - 1 apr, 2020

Den stela infästningen av hjulen i de italienska spårvagnarna ger upphov till hjärtskärande skrik när vagnarna passerar genom de tvära kurvorna i innerstan och på vändplatserna. Efter en gedigen utredning har nu Spårvägen hittat en lösning på problemet: spanska skogssniglar, AKA mördarsniglar.

- Vi slår två flugor i en smäll, säger Bertil Bergdahl, chef för SG Banteknik som sköter spårvägsspåren i Göteborg åt trafikkontoret. Mördarsniglarna blir mycket färre, spårvagnarna mycket tystare.

Spåren fettas regelbundet in för hand eller med en särskild smörjbil men sedan Göteborgs Stad införde krav på användning av miljövänligt, vattenlösligt fett har problemen ökat, när det regnar sköljs fettet bort.

Sniglar har under århundraden används som smörjmedel i vagnshjul för att minska friktionen och därmed gnisslet.

- Det var när jag läste om hur man förr i tiden använde sniglar i vagnshjulen som jag kom på att vi borde kunna göra samma sak på spårvagnarna och testerna gav mig rätt, säger Bergdahl.

- Det är enkelt att smörja in rälserna i kurvorna med snigelmassa och massan blir kvar väldigt länge, även när det regnar. Jag tror det räcker att vi kör smörjbilen en gång i veckan.

Problemet är att få tag på tillräckligt många sniglar. Enligt Bergdahl krävs det troligen 100-200 kilo sniglar i veckan.

- Egentligen är det ju inget problem, säger han. Under sommarhalvåret plockar alla vi som har trädgård i Göteborgsområdet tonvis med mördarsniglar varje vecka.

- Men det gäller ju att få trädgårdsodlarna att lämna sniglarna till oss.

Och den sena våren spelar SG Banteknik i händerna. Det är just nu, när sniglarna är på väg att vakna, som de är som allra bäst.

- Yngre mördarsniglar har betydligt högre elasticitet än de äldre, som drar mer åt det klibbiga hållet, säger Björne Svensson på magasinet Nytt i tekniken.

Tidningen skrev för ett år sen om ett liknande projekt i Norge, även där med Ansaldos spårvagnar.

I början användes importerade mördarsniglar från just Italien, men det var först när teknikerna testade unga, norska exemplar som resultaten blev riktigt bra.

- Kvaliteten på de italienska sniglarna var för dålig helt enkelt, säger Svensson.

För att snabbt komma igång öppnar SG Banteknik i dag två snigelinlämningar, den ena vid Gustaf Adolfs torg och den andra vid kontoret på Gullbergs Strandgata i Gullbergsvass. På båda ställena ställs en enkel container av samma typ som används vid återvinningsstationerna i Göteborg.

- Kan vi bara få några hundratal göteborgare att lämna mördarsniglar varje vecka har vi smörjmedel så det räcker, säger Bergdahl och uppmanar göteborgarna att sätta igång redan i dag.

SG Banteknik har också planer på att starta en snigelfarm i Delsjöområdet för att bli självförsörjande på smörjmedel i framtiden. Slår det väl ut kan det, enligt Bergdahl, till och med bli överskott på sniglar som kan användas till export.

- Många länder tittar på oss med stort intresse just nu, säger han.

Ulf Nyström

NEWS FROM THE EUROPEAN UNION

European Parliament Planning Motor Law

The safety crusade had been well done at first. The few harebrained schemes were quickly ruled out and a sense of rationality developed. But [···] The regulations concerning safety became tougher. 

The Motor Law mentioned in that Rush song --ie outlawing personal internal combustion engines-- may no longer be the stuff of science fiction. Scandinavian MEPs concerned about global warming and climate change are thinking of making it a reality before 2021, "if everything goes down smoothly."
"The damages and injuries will actually decrease; the new school of personal vehicles will save your life (usually) in a 50-mph crash. They will give even less thought than before to the possibility of being injured in a crash. As a result, the damages and injuries will actually decrease a steady six percent every year, so the governments will be happy, the insurance industry will be happy and most of the owners will also be happy -- not to mention the Earth or, for instance, the polar bears," has said Kustaa Huhtikuu of the Finnish Green Party to a happy few leak channels on the Net, including our source for this article.

LANNISTER: A WESTEROSI MUSICAL

How does an awkward orphan,
son of a womanizing drunkard,
dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot of the far Westerlands by Seven Gods, impoverished, in squalor,
grow up to be a hero and a scholar?

COMING SOON TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU 

(AT JAIME I UNIVERSITY, TO BE MORE PRECISE)

This Easter's sensational fan-made fusion filk parody of the groundbreaking rap musical.

This time, not about the rise and fall of a man, but of three or four generations --

IN WESTEROS!

Starring Sandra Dermark (premise, lyrics, production) as Young Tywin / Young Cersei / Joffrey.

Featuring: Uttam Paudel (invited all the way from Kutztown, PA) as Oberyn Martell

Andreu Ciscar as Steffon Baratheon / Young Robert / Renly 

Liza Pluijter as Young Aerys / Margaery Tyrell

Playing outdoors at the Agora of Jaime I University, right outside Castellón (Region of Valencia, Eastern Spain)

throughout this Easter season:

the ur-première is on Holy Wednesday, the evening of the 12th of April 2017!!

And... If there's a reason you should pass by, and watch some Thronies rehearse their lines...

Don't be willing to wait for it!

STEFFON, BARRISTAN, AERYS:

We fought with him!

EDDARD:

Me? I died for him!

AERYS:

Me? I trusted him!

JOANNA, CERSEI, SHAE:

Me? I loved him!

OBERYN:

Me? I poisoned him!

TYRION:

And me? I'm the bloody fool that shot him!

EVERYONE:
There's a million things I haven't done,
but just you wait, just you wait...

YOUNG AERYS:
What's your name?

EVERYONE IN CHORUS:
Tywin of the Lannisters!!

MISS DERMARK UPS THE ANTE

MISS DERMARK UPS THE ANTE

Jaime I University, 1st of April 2016

This month of this year, to celebrate the 400th deathday of William Shakespeare, the Translation Department of Jaime I University has announced the University Press's special release of the Bard's four great Stuart-era tragedies, Hamlet, Othello, Macbeth, and King Lear, done in a four-pack golden edition, bilingual with the original English version on the even-numbered left pages and a translation into Spanish or Catalan on the odd right pages.
Both the Spanish and Catalan translations of all four plays have been penned single-handedly by university prodigy Sandra Elena Dermark Bufí, who has spent most of her time, both day and night, of this year's Easter break in such a Herculean task.
Says Pilar Ezpeleta, Literary Translation Professor and resident Shakespeare expert, known for her Spanish translations of more obscure Shakespearean dramas (such as Coriolanus, Measure for Measure, and The Comedy of Errors): "Dermark is truly a diamond in the rough. Not only has she got the knowledge and the linguistic and musical intelligence needed to translate Shakespearean tragedy, but also the zest and the passion that it takes. She has made this whole university proud by taking up such a challenge."
The 24-year-old half-Swedish student, still irritable due to the effects of sleep deprivation, is looking forward to see her translations, the most challenging task she has gone through in her short life, on print on the shelves of bookshops across the Valencia Region, which will be scheduled for the golden date of the 23rd day of this month.

ADMINISTRATIUM

The heaviest element known to science has been recently discovered by investigators at a major US research university. The element, tentatively named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Sandra Dermark is dead.
The hitherto mistress of this blog, upon discovering that Joffrey Baratheon-Lannister would finally be dethroned in Season 4 of her favourite series, was so excited that she skipped and fell to the ground, breaking a half dozen ribs and her spine.
The end of The Ringstetten Saga, a secret she has zealously kept, will thus never see the light of day.
The late Sandra Dermark will be cremated, and her ashes scattered about Universitat Jaume I.
As her will states, this blog will be handed over to Juan Carlos Ruiz, who will turn it into a philology resource.

NAIVE READERS!!!

1. Did you fall for the last post? 
2. Have you tried to contact the titular "Underworld's website"? 
3. Do you like the mythical character of Persephone/Proserpina (she's one of my favourites, though I didn't invite her, or Enjolras, to the "dinner for thirteen"!)?