EL SIGNIFICADO DEL ASEREJÉ

 Quien haya nacido y crecido millennial (y yo vi la luz del día en ese año prodigioso con Expo y Olimpiadas que fue para España el 1992, cortesía de Colón) recordará un año de su niñez con el debut de las Ketchup y la coreografía que acompaña al estribillo sin sentido del Aserejé… o… espera… ¿tiene sentido?

Y aserejé-ja-dejé
De jebe tu de jebere seibiunouva majavi an de bugui an de güididípi
Aserejé-ja-de jé
De jebe tu de jebere seibiunouva majavi an de bugui an de güididípi
Aserejé-ja-dejé
De jebe tu de jebere seibiunouva majavi an de bugui an de güididípi

Si sabes inglés y conoces tu cultura popular como la palma de tu mano, sí lo tiene. Son los primeros versos de “Rapper’s Delight”, un rap ochentero de The Sugar Hill Gang, y rezan así en su idioma original:

I said-a hip, hop, the hippie, the hippie
To the hip hip hop-a you don’t stop the rock
It to the bang-bang boogie, say up jump the boogie
To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat

Lo que las Ketchup, y su personaje Diego, hacen en el Aserejé es cantar la letra original en inglés tal y como suena a su oído español andaluz. “I said-a hip” se vuelve “/aserehé/”, Aserejé. Esta clase de momento teniente bilingüe (diferente del momento teniente monolingüe o “pomporruta imperial”, del “voy por rutas imperiales” franquista malentendido como “pomporrutas imperiales”) se llama “soramimi“, palabra prestada del japonés. Otros ejemplos de soramimi serían:

• En la canción de Bon Jovi “Livin’ on a Prayer”, el verso “Gina works the diner all day” (Gina trabaja en el local todo el día) se escucha en español para quien no sepa inglés como “China va insultando a los gays”.
• En “El ciclo sin fin”, primera canción del musical El Rey León, la frase inicial “Nants’ Ingonyama” (Aquí viene un león, en zulú) se escucha en español como “La cigüeña va”. Muchas aves y el nacimiento del personaje protagonista aparecen en la escena, razones de más para justificar este soramimi erróneo.

Origen de la palabra "tino"

 Origen de la palabra TINO, empleada sobre todo cuando no lo hay. Dos ejemplos:

(Los leñadores) cortaron los árboles sin tino (un libro de texto).

Con (…) berza, castaña (el cerdo de la lechera) engordará sin tino (Samaniego).

Obviamente este “tino” quiere decir “moderación” y no tiene nada que ver con el nombre propio masculino homónimo (mira la inicial minúscula). Pero vamos a averiguar su origen.

Según la RAE, “tino” es de origen INCIERTO. Wiktionary añade como posible etimología: “tal vez de atinar, probablemente del latín destino, -are (“destinar”) mediante suplantación del prefijo des- por a- (siendo que des- pudo haberse percibido como significado opuesto).”

THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF DARK SUBJECT MATERIAL

There are, in my own humble opinion, four main criteria necessary to make a fiction extremely dark and edgy, or rude and crude, or unsuitable for people below their mid-teens, which is the same. Since there are four of them and they tend to crop up together and be wicked, I call them the Four Horsemen of Dark Subject Material. All four of them are more or less taboo to a younger target demographic. And who are these Horsemen? They are (in no particular order): Foul Language, Drug Use, Sex, and Death.

1. Foul Language involves all instances of swearing and using taboo words, including (but not limited to) the famous seven dirty words: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cock, motherfucker, and tits. One that did not make this list but is also quite common is ass, or arse. These are only the tip of the scheissberg...
2. Drug Use involves the consumption not only of illegal drugs (cocaine, maryjane, meth...) but also of the so-called legal or social drugs (nicotine and alcohol), and even of fictional drugs (rauha, tracker jacker venom...); long story short, any substance that stimulates the mind and creates a habit that can spiral into addiction.
3. Sex involves anything related to erotica, be it straight or LGBTQ+, from the first foreplay of curious late-teens to the presence of sex toys and shops where one is able to purchase them, from the presence of dominatrixes and S&M dungeons in villains' dens of iniquity to the practice of "dropping the soap" in the men's shower at the county jail (Highlight if you didn't get the "dropping the soap" joke yet.) The joke here is that, when the guy that dropped the soap bends down to pick it, naked, in the shower, a more muscular and taller cellmate ambushes and ass-rapes him from behind. It's a very distasteful and painful joke that, nevertheless, Hollywood has not wearied of.
4. Death refers to those deaths that are more impactful than others. The death of a child or adolescent, a violent murder, the carnage of war or of a Mafia shootout, poisonings with graphic effects like arsenic or strychnine... That kind of deaths that it actually hurts to watch or to read about. Unless you have watched and/or read so much dark subject material that you have become desensitized.

OWL HUSBANDS, REBECCA'S CAMELS, THE 7TH COMMANDMENT

 The title of this post has to do with errata that crop up in some editions of sacred texts, the Holy Books of Judaism and Christianity in particular. Wherever there have been printing presses, or keyboards in more recent times, you can be certain that the Typo Fairies and the literal printers' devil (as in, a small imp from Hell that causes typos and errata) Titivillus will seize that chance to make some mischief. Here are four major examples that have caught my attention:

OWL HUSBANDS?

Apparently zoophilia was condemned in the Old Testament but not in the New? 1 Peter 3:5, from a 1944 edition (WW2-era, printing presses were then still in use):

"For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their owl husbands."

Actually it's supposed to be "their OWN husbands." The error was caused by a damaged letter lower-case n in the printing press.

REBECCA'S CAMELS (OR ARE THEY DAMSELS?)

Genesis, 24:61, an 1823 edition (in between the Regency and Victorian era). Picture the scene: Eliezer, a manservant to Abraham and Sarah, comes to town looking for a bride for their son Isaac. He finds Rebecca, daughter of a local wealthy household, who, after quenching their thirst from their long journey, agrees to become Isaac's bride, scouted by the servant Eliezer for her kindness to him and his entourage. As the heiress she is, Rebecca travels from her hometown to her fiancé's nomadic campsite lock, stock, and barrel, with all her camels and damsels (handmaids). How does this nineteenth-century edition tell it?

"And Rebecca arose, and her camels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man (ie Eliezer): and the servant took Rebecca and went his way."

What a balancing act! It should have been "And Rebecca arose, and her DAMSELS, and they rode upon the camels..." But it could have been worse. It could have been the second "camels" that was replaced with "damsels" instead, yielding: "And Rebecca arose, and her damsels, and THEY RODE UPON THE DAMSELS," leaving readers to ponder if those poor damsels broke their spines or even straight out died at the end of the day.

SUBVERTING THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT

In 1631 King James editions known as Wicked Bibles, a crucial little word, ie NOT, is missing from the Seventh Commandment (Exodus 20:14), so that it appears as:

"Thou shalt commit adultery."

In other words: Cheating on your marital partner is encouraged by the Word and Law of the LORD.

The publishers/printers of the Wicked Bible lost their book-printing license to the British Crown for a lifetime due to this little critical blunder and the one below:

THE LORD HIMSELF... MOONING?

Speaking of the Creator, those same Wicked Bibles appear to have been messed up by Typo Fairies at a spot in Deuteronomy 5:24 where He shows up in His greatness, let the word "greatness" sink in, and replaced "greatness" with something far more ludicrous:

"the LORD our God hath shewed us His glory and His great-asse."

The thought of the LORD mooning at the Israelites, His Chosen Ones, is hilarious.

MUNDO DEL AMOR (SOAP WITHIN A SHOW)

 

NARRATOR: Previously on Mundo del Amor…

(PAUSE)

NARRATOR: One-eyed orphan, Alejandro,

is thrown out of the orphanage for being different.

Rejected by all, Alejandro lives alone in the streets of Tijuana.

Until one day, he becomes a man…

NARRATOR: Alejandro starts his new company,

El Solo Lobo... (OFFSCREEN WOLF HOWL: Auuuuu!)

and makes a million pesos!

He buys a jet,

he buys a tiger,

and becomes Tijuana's greatest lover!

CROWD OF FANGIRLS: ¿Te casarías con todas nosotras?

ALEJANDRO: ¡No! ¡Yo soy El Solo Lobo!

(OFFSCREEN WOLF HOWL: Auuuu!)

NARRATOR: Will Alejandro ever find true love or is he destined to be alone forever?

LADYLOVE: Sounds like a pretty good destiny to me, Alejandro.

NARRATOR: Find out on the next Mundo del Amor.

IN MEMORIAM GUSTAVI ADOLPHI - MMXXII

 To the memory of Gustavus Adolphus Karlsson of Vasa

*Nyköping, Sweden, 9th of December 1594 
 + Lützen, Saxony, 6th of November 1632

His spouse Mary Eleanor (next to the throne), their daughter Christina Augusta 
(in his arms), his right-hand man Chancellor Axel Oxenstierna (next to the throne),
 his courtiers and his people, his officers and soldiers, will always
 keep his memory alive, as long as Sweden and freedom exist.

Beloved ruler of nations and leader of armies,

consort, father, friend, and lover

We were lost when the dark descended and the light gathered into a storm You appeared like a sunlit morning at the winds of a world at war...

Inspired by thirst

for glory, on the field of battle quaffed

instead death's bitter draught.

The last word was missing in his epic song:

the word that crowns every achievement.

The mourners have done their duty, right or wrong:

they wrote it in blood and bereavement.

He left us when we (and he) expected it the least, 
in the prime of his life and at the climax of his career,
before he could be tarnished by the failing vigour of an older age
or by the corruption brought upon him by success. 
A single bullet, just like any other, 
suddenly struck his back and entered his noble chest, 
to quench a flame that never could or should have burned brighter.

WULF AND EADWACER: SAXON, FROM THE EXETER BOOK

This is an old elegiac poem from Saxon times, found in the Exeter book. The name Eadwacer is pronounced "OWD-watcher," while Wulf is pronounced like wolf. Fens are wetlands. The "pup" is obviously the child of the female narrator and Wulf, who is taken to be abandoned in the woods maybe because of illegitimacy? She was having an affair with Wulf, who was on the enemy side in this war, and married to Eadwacer, or so it appears...

It is to my people as if someone gave them a gift.
They want to kill him, if he comes with a troop.
It is different for us.
Wulf is on one island, I on another.

That island, surrounded by fens, is secure.
There on the island are bloodthirsty men.
They want to kill him, if he comes with a troop.
It is different for us.
I thought of my Wulf with far-wandering hopes,

whenever it was rainy weather, and I sat tearfully,
whenever the warrior bold in battle encompassed me with his arms.
To me it was pleasure in that, it was also painful.
Wulf, my Wulf, my hopes for you have caused
my sickness, your infrequent visits,

a mourning spirit, not at all a lack of food.
Do you hear, Eadwacer? Wulf is carrying
our wretched pup to the woods,
that one easily sunders which was never united:
our song together