I before E, except after C...

 I before E, except after C,

Or when sounded like A, as in “freighter” or “weigh,”

Or when sounded like I, either zeitgeist or height,
And when wishing a feisty geisha gesundheit.

Or when sounded like E, as in “Seize the sheik’s reindeer!”
A task to perform at your leh-zure (or leisure).

Seeing words come from French, it’s more academic:
A “counterfeit ancient cuneiform relic,”

Will give any speller a pain in the keister,
(Albeit, French words almost always sound fancier.)

And lest we forget, the time a financier,
Surveilling a proximate sovereign glacier
Dressed up like a poltergeist, ambushed his neighbours,
And forced them to forfeit their eight heirloom heifers.

I know you’ll agree, if you’re Keith, Neil, or Sheila,
Or gaze at the stars up in Cassiopeia,

Partake in abseiling or dancing capoeira,
Or happen to like a fine glass of Madeira,

That we, in good conscience, should start a campaign
Our species abolish this heinous rule’s reign.

Exceptions abound! There’s no disagreeing!
So right here and now, I’m firmly decreeing:

The old policies should not be revered!
There’s no rhyme or reason, it’s all very weird.

Of course, problem being, once done with our yelling,
Inefficiently needing to memorise spelling.

AUTOHYPONYMY, VERTICAL POLYSEMY, OR Q-BASED NARROWING

AUTOHYPONYMY, VERTICAL POLYSEMY, OR Q-BASED NARROWING is a feature of the English language that still baffles me in our days.
It's when a word itself is its own hyponym, depending of context. The cases referring to living beings and their anatomy below particularly puzzled me, since, having been born and raised in Spain, I grew up solely with the term being used for the hypernym, the so-called general sense, (not as a hyponym, for which there existed another, more scientific word, in Spanish) due to Linnean taxonomy being the most prominent influence on the "street-Spanish" (as opposed to "science-Spanish", in fact, both contexts use the same words)
To disambiguate, philologists usually number the words, using 1 for the hypernym or general sense and 2 for the hyponym or specific sense (by the way, each one of the senses of the word is known as an allosemon). Which I think is rather smart, not to get mixed up with both meanings.
It's such a shame that the words can't be numbered in everyday contexts...
I will never get this feature of the English language...

EXAMPLES

SHAPES

rectangle 1 (every quadrilateral with four ninety-degree angles)
rectangle 2 (every NON-EQUILATERAL quadrilateral with four ninety-degree angles)

LIVING ORGANISMS

fingers 1 (all digits of primates)
fingers 2 (NOT all digits of primates, opposable thumbs EXCLUDED)

animals 1 (whole kingdom Animalia, or all fauna)
animals 2 (ONLY TERRESTRIAL FAUNA: mammals and reptiles)

plants 1 (whole plant kingdom, or all flora)
plants 2 (ONLY HERBACEOUS FLORA: herbs, flowers, and vegetables)

Every case when the generic name of a species overlaps with the name of gender, for instance:
cow 1 (cattle, Bos primigenius taurus, regardless of gender)
cow 2 (ONLY ADULT FEMALE cattle or Bos primigenius taurus)

OBJECTS

shoes 1 (footwear in general)
shoes 2 (LOW footwear that COVERS THE WHOLE FOOT)


COLOURS
purple 1
purple 2 (a DARK shade, not mauve, not lilac, et cetera)

etc. (the list of colour autohyponyms is endless)


VERBS

close 1
close 2 (SOFTLY, AND WITHOUT LOCKING THE DOOR)

drink 1 (swallow any liquid)
drink 2 (swallow any ETHYLIC liquid)

etc.

Yet you can't number the words constantly for an ever-confused and baffled foreigner to realize which sense of the word is being used. Which means these words above are vague. VAGUE as in vague as hell. Not calling a spade a spade, or being something speciesist.