The title comes from the fact that they're all traumatized by the offences they have commited. It's a fine pun with the original title, don't you think?
The following filk contains violence (you ought to watch this with discretion), a crackship or two (maybe even more!), and gratuitous German.
Readers beware!
THE SHELL SHOCK TANGO
Dedicated to everyone at class
[Captain of the Corona Royal Guard]
And now, the Six Merry Murderesses of Corona State Prison
in their rendition of the Shell Shock Tango!
THE SHELL SHOCK TANGO
Dedicated to everyone at class
[Toothiana]
Freeze!
[Calhoun]
Six!
[Astrid]
Thrust!
[Rapunzel]
Uh-uh!
[Elsa]
Weselton!
[Mavis]
Once-ler!
[Toothiana]
Freeze!
[Calhoun]
Six!
[Astrid]
Thrust!
[Rapunzel]
Uh-uh!
[Elsa]
Weselton!
[Mavis]
Once-ler!
[Captain of the Corona Royal Guard]
And now, the Six Merry Murderesses of Corona State Prison
in their rendition of the Shell Shock Tango!
[Toothiana]
Freeze!
[Calhoun]
Six!
[Astrid]
Thrust!
[Rapunzel]
Uh-uh!
[Elsa]
Weselton!
[Mavis]
Once-ler!
[Toothiana]
Freeze!
[Calhoun]
Six!
[Astrid]
Thrust!
[Rapunzel]
Uh-uh!
[Elsa]
Weselton!
[Mavis]
Once-ler!
[All]
They had it coming,
they had it coming,
they only had themselves to blame...
If you had been there,
if you had seen it,
I bet my life you'd done the same!
[Toothiana]
You know how people have these little habits that get you down.
Like... Jack Frost.
Jack loved to freeze things.
No, not frost. FREEZE.
So I come to headquarters this one day, and I'm really irritated,
and I'm looking for a little more sympathy.
And there's Jack Frost, lying on a couch, freezing the glass he's drinking from.
No, not frosting. FREEZING.
So, I said to him:
"Jack, you freeze something one more time..."
And he did.
So I summoned two Baby Teeth, and I fired them as a warning
INTO HIS EYES.
He had it coming,
he had it coming,
he only had himself to blame...
If you had been there,
if you had seen it,
I bet my life you'd done the same!
[Calhoun]
I met Honey Lemon at San Fransokyo University, about two years ago.
And she told me she was single.
And we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
She'd go to her research, she'd come home, I'd fix her a drink, we'd have supper...
And then I found out.
"Single", she told me...
Single my arse!
She had six significant others.
One of those sentai, you know.
So that night, when she came home from her research, I fixed her a drink, as usual.
You know, some scientists just can't hold their iocaine!
She had it coming,
she had it coming,
she took a hot shot in her prime,
and then she used her,
and she abused her...
It was a murder, but not a crime!
[Astrid]
Now, I'm standing in the stables,
checking out our dragons before training,
minding my own business,
and in storms my rival Snoutlout in a jealous rage!
"You've been screwing Hiccup!", he says.
He was berserk, and he kept on screaming:
"You've been screwing Hiccup!"
And then, he ran into my battle axe.
He ran into my axe ten times.
If you had been there,
if you had seen it,
I bet my life you'd done the same!
[Rapunzel]
Aber warum bin ich eigentlich hier?
Die Leute sagen, dass ich meinen Geliebten in einer Falle lockte
und dass ich ihm in den Rücken gestossen habe.
Das ist nicht wahr! Ich bin unschuldig!
Ich weiss nicht warum Frau Gothel sagt, dass ich es getan habe.
Ich versuchte dem Königspaar alles zu erklären.
Aber sie haben es nicht verstanden.
[Astrid]
Yeah, but did you do it?
[Rapunzel]
Uh-uh! Not guilty!
[Elsa]
My sister Anna and I had this double act,
and my fiancé Hans travelled around with us.
Now, for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row:
one, two, three, four, five,
somersaults, triple flips, back flips, flip flops,
one right after the other.
So this one night before the show,
we're down at the Hotel Weselton.
The three of us, quaffing and laughing together...
And we ran out of ice.
So I go out to get some.
I take off my gloves, I concentrate...
Let it go! Let it go!
The cold never bothered me anyway!
I come back, open the door...
And there's Anna and Hans, doing Number Seventeen:
Love is an Open Door!
Well, I was in such a state of shock...
I completely blacked out.
I don't remember a thing.
Absolute zero.
It wasn't until later,
when I was putting on my gloves to conceal the blood on my hands,
I even knew they were dead.
They had it coming
they had it coming
they had it coming all along...
I didn't do it,
but if I'd done it,
how could you tell me that I was wrong?
they had it coming all along...
I didn't do it,
but if I'd done it,
how could you tell me that I was wrong?
[Mavis]
I loved the Once-ler more than I can probably say.
He was a really artistic guy... sensitive... a musician.
But he was always trying to find himself.
He'd go out every night looking for himself,
and on the way...
he found Merida, Ruffnut, Tara... and Jamie.
I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him DEAD.
they had it coming all along...
I didn't do it,
but if I'd done it,
how could you tell me that I was wrong?
They had it coming,
they had it coming,
they only had themselves to blame...
If you had been there,
if you had seen it,
I bet my life you'd done the same!
Annotations:
People say that I tricked my lover into a trap,
and that I stabbed him in the back.
That is not true! I'm innocent!
I don't know why Frau Gothel says I did it.
I've tried to explain it to the royals,
but they didn't understand!"
[All]
They had it coming,
they had it coming,
they only had themselves to blame...
If you had been there,
if you had seen it,
I bet my life you'd done the same!
[Toothiana]
You know how people have these little habits that get you down.
Like... Jack Frost.
Jack loved to freeze things.
No, not frost. FREEZE.
So I come to headquarters this one day, and I'm really irritated,
and I'm looking for a little more sympathy.
And there's Jack Frost, lying on a couch, freezing the glass he's drinking from.
No, not frosting. FREEZING.
So, I said to him:
"Jack, you freeze something one more time..."
And he did.
So I summoned two Baby Teeth, and I fired them as a warning
INTO HIS EYES.
He had it coming,
he had it coming,
he only had himself to blame...
If you had been there,
if you had seen it,
I bet my life you'd done the same!
[Calhoun]
I met Honey Lemon at San Fransokyo University, about two years ago.
And she told me she was single.
And we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
She'd go to her research, she'd come home, I'd fix her a drink, we'd have supper...
And then I found out.
"Single", she told me...
Single my arse!
She had six significant others.
One of those sentai, you know.
So that night, when she came home from her research, I fixed her a drink, as usual.
You know, some scientists just can't hold their iocaine!
She had it coming,
she had it coming,
she took a hot shot in her prime,
and then she used her,
and she abused her...
It was a murder, but not a crime!
[Astrid]
Now, I'm standing in the stables,
checking out our dragons before training,
minding my own business,
and in storms my rival Snoutlout in a jealous rage!
"You've been screwing Hiccup!", he says.
He was berserk, and he kept on screaming:
"You've been screwing Hiccup!"
And then, he ran into my battle axe.
He ran into my axe ten times.
If you had been there,
if you had seen it,
I bet my life you'd done the same!
[Rapunzel]
Aber warum bin ich eigentlich hier?
Die Leute sagen, dass ich meinen Geliebten in einer Falle lockte
und dass ich ihm in den Rücken gestossen habe.
Das ist nicht wahr! Ich bin unschuldig!
Ich weiss nicht warum Frau Gothel sagt, dass ich es getan habe.
Ich versuchte dem Königspaar alles zu erklären.
Aber sie haben es nicht verstanden.
[Astrid]
Yeah, but did you do it?
[Rapunzel]
Uh-uh! Not guilty!
[Elsa]
My sister Anna and I had this double act,
and my fiancé Hans travelled around with us.
Now, for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row:
one, two, three, four, five,
somersaults, triple flips, back flips, flip flops,
one right after the other.
So this one night before the show,
we're down at the Hotel Weselton.
The three of us, quaffing and laughing together...
And we ran out of ice.
So I go out to get some.
I take off my gloves, I concentrate...
Let it go! Let it go!
The cold never bothered me anyway!
I come back, open the door...
And there's Anna and Hans, doing Number Seventeen:
Love is an Open Door!
Well, I was in such a state of shock...
I completely blacked out.
I don't remember a thing.
Absolute zero.
It wasn't until later,
when I was putting on my gloves to conceal the blood on my hands,
I even knew they were dead.
They had it coming
they had it coming
they had it coming all along...
I didn't do it,
but if I'd done it,
how could you tell me that I was wrong?
They had it coming
they had it comingthey had it coming all along...
I didn't do it,
but if I'd done it,
how could you tell me that I was wrong?
[Mavis]
I loved the Once-ler more than I can probably say.
He was a really artistic guy... sensitive... a musician.
But he was always trying to find himself.
He'd go out every night looking for himself,
and on the way...
he found Merida, Ruffnut, Tara... and Jamie.
I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him DEAD.
[All]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!
They had it coming
they had it comingthey had it coming all along...
I didn't do it,
but if I'd done it,
how could you tell me that I was wrong?
They had it coming,
they had it coming,
they only had themselves to blame...
If you had been there,
if you had seen it,
I bet my life you'd done the same!
[Toothiana]
You freeze something one more time...
[Calhoun]
Single my arse!
[Astrid]
He ran into my axe ten times.
[Rapunzel]
Warum wurde ich eingelocht?
[Elsa]
Number Seventeen: Love is an Open Door!
[Mavis]
Artistic differences.
[Toothiana]
Freeze!
[Calhoun]
Six!
[Astrid]
Thrust!
[Rapunzel]
Uh-uh!
[Elsa]
Weselton!
[Mavis]
Once-ler!
[Toothiana]
Freeze!
[Calhoun]
Six!
[Astrid]
Thrust!
[Rapunzel]
Uh-uh!
[Elsa]
Weselton!
[Mavis]
Once-ler!
Annotations:
- 0: Six is an intertextual shout-out to new film Big Hero 6, from which Honey Lemon comes. Weselton is for the Dukedom of Weselton in Frozen. Corona is Rapunzel's, Flynn's, and Gothel's homeland.
- 1: A Baby Tooth is one of Toothiana's hummingbird-sized mini fairy servants.
- 2: Calhoun/Honey sounds like a crack pairing, yet, as foils to each other, they may have a good start.
- A sentai (Japanese for "regiment") is a team of colour-coded superheroes, like the Pretty Cures, Sailor Senshi, or Power Rangers. Honey Lemon is the Smart Gal of the titular sentai in Big Hero 6. And yes, a seventh member joins them in the end.
- Iocaine is a poison, in the form of powder, which kills the drinker like lightning, featured in the classic fantasy The Princess Bride. There is some irony here, because Honey Lemon is a Chemistry student.
- 3: Astrid's weapon of choice is a battle axe.
- A berserk is a Viking warrior in drug-induced rage. Snoutlout, anyone?
- 4: Translating Rapunzel's German-language rant:
People say that I tricked my lover into a trap,
and that I stabbed him in the back.
That is not true! I'm innocent!
I don't know why Frau Gothel says I did it.
I've tried to explain it to the royals,
but they didn't understand!"
- 5: Elsa would have no problem in fixing more ice with her powers.
- "Love is an Open Door" is the title of Hans and Anna's love duet in Frozen, during which they romance each other.
- Absolute zero: the lowest temperature that can be attained, 0 degrees Kelvin, -273.5 degrees Celsius. A nice self-referential pun with Elsa's ice powers.
- 6: The MavisxOnce-ler crossover ship, or Mavler, is rather popular, and I ship them sometimes (when I don't make Oncie gay)
- The Once-ler is a sensitive guy to the core, and he enjoys singing and playing the guitar.
- Oncie's alleged lovers: Merida from Brave (obviously), Ruffnut from How to Train your Dragon (the female of the fraternal twins), Tara the Leaf Queen from Epic (a more dignified and mature, older lover)... and Jamie the muggle boy from Rise of the Guardians. I usually make Oncie gay or bi, and this filk is a perfect example.
- Coda: Rapunzel's German needs translation once more: "Why have I been imprisoned?"
