WESTEROSI NEOLOGISMS I

Here are some more expressions I use for my expanded Westerosverse.

-Leftcarlot: old rank for lieutenant in most kingdoms of Westeros. Was traditionally a high officer of the military. The Reach used "lieutenant" instead of "leftcarlot," which can be considered a form of shibboleth.
Etymology... "Left:" obvious (the opposite of "right"). "Carlot:" from an old Swedish word for "free man," English form taken for a Wilde tale, used to refer to landowners: "[···] and the carlots would not suffer [···] even to sleep in the byres lest [···] on the stored corn, [···] and their hired men drave [···] away, [···]." The inspiration was the rank of "lyftcarl" (same etymology) in the Calvarian army from Witanowski's The Reynard Cycle.
-Maiden's cunt! An oath that refers to the goddess of love and her private parts. Can be an exclamation of rage, surprise, or any other intense emotion.
-Sunflower/Snakeflower/Sandflower: slurs to refer to a person of mixed Dornish and Reachish descent; "sandflower" is used if the mixed-race person was conceived outside wedlock, by the lovechild surname of both regions.
-Firewater: brandy (term used mostly among non-Reachers and in the military).
-The Uns: the Dornish (Reach slur, due to the tripartite motto of Dorne and House Nymeros Martell).
-Lightriders: Dornish officers (Reach expression), due to their lighter scale armour.
-Sun-snakes/southern snakes/snakefolk: the most common slurs for Dornish people in the Reach and Stormlands (from the Dornish scale armour, use of chemical warfare, and ethnic stereotype).
-The Dornish sickness: refers to the consequence of a common strategy in Dornish warfare among the enemy. Upon invasion, the Dornish usually resort to scorched earth tactics, fleeing their communities, taking their crops with them, and poisoning their sources of freshwater to take on the thirsty enemy. The combination of sunstroke and this neurotoxic poisoning is what Reacher maesters call "the Dornish sickness." It is generally lethal.
-Lightning smite them!: The typical Stormlands curse.
-May a left-handed Dornish spear pierce their heart!: far less common curse, more common in literature such as wartime and romance ballads.
-Flower-eaters: Reachers, Dornish slur to refer to them.
-Fairfaces: another Dornish slur for Reachers.
-Kettleheads/Kettlechests/Kettlemen: a third slur for Reachers used in Dorne, due to their heavy armour. "Kettlemen" is the most common Dornish slur for Reachers.

THE CLIFFSIDE ASYLUM

The Cliffside Asylum.

Isolated. Impressive. Sinister.

Seriously, this is the most impressive setting in a modern-day-setting Disney film.

I mean, this is the first present-day institution Disney Pictures has ever created, and I was raised at an institution...

They manage not only to make it country-esque and set it in a Sturm und Drang landscape...

it's even turned out ominous.

Cliffside Asylum is positioned atop a waterfall, and (to judge by the rusted equipment) is pretty old...

Well, my main institution setting, Strawberry Fields in The Stars' Tears, is on the Cornish coast, and it is one day sunny and full of colour, the next day sinister and stormy. One day it's the spitting image of the Cliffside Freaking Asylum, the next one it's just like the Reach or the Shire. Near the institute, there is a regiment's quarters, as well as an upper-class village (with a military academy, an all-female boarding school, oodles of mansions, a shopping palace, a country club...), and a typically Cornish local community with a port nearby. It all plays a huge part in the end, when it is revealed that the backstory of most of these settings dates back to the pre-war tensions of the Late Victorian-Edwardian era, unfurling a regional history that spans through both World Wars and the Cold War. 

The other country-esque setting of Disney's latest film, Bunnyburrow, is an idyllic backwater community. Think the Reach or the Shire, populated by anthropomorphic rabbits. As cute as it sounds. The other side of the coin, one can say.

The quaint local community and the fearsome mental institution. Two settings I know like the back of my hand, for I was born in the former and raised in the latter.

I was taken from a place like Bunnyburrow to the nearby Cliffside Asylum. Well, but imagine that both the community and the asylum are, like, in Dorne. Sunny, warm places without warm winter or lush vegetation... it was and is eastern Spain, after all!

SAVAGES FILKS AND PARODIES

Disclaimer:
Not any of these parodies is meant to be offensive. 
No French, Nazis, Dornish, Reachers, Serbs, Croats, or any other collectives were harmed or meant to be harmed by these filks, whose purpose is, like that of the original song, to be critiques of war and discrimination.

I. THE WW2 VERSION OF "SAVAGES": THIRD REICH VS. FRENCH RÉSISTANCE
(Nothing here of mention except a reference to the French Revolution that most of you readers will get.)

COLONEL (OBERST) VON STROHM:
What can you expect
from filthy little Frenchmen?
Their whole idea of liberty's a curse!
They cut their royals' heads!
They're only good when dead!
They're vermin, as I said, or worse!

NAZIS:
They're savages, savages, barely even human!
Savages, savages, drive them from our shore!
COLONEL (OBERST) VON STROHM:
They're not like you and me,
which means they must be evil...
We must sound the call to war!
NAZIS:
Savages, savages, leftish sans-culottes!
We must sound the call to war!

(FEMALE) LEADER OF THE VAUCLUSE RÉSISTANCE:
This is what we feared,
the Führer's men are demons,
they just care for revenge on us and greed...
RÉSISTANT I:
Beneath their milky hide,
there's emptiness inside...
RÉSISTANT II:
I wonder if they even bleed!

RÉSISTANTS:
They're savages, savages, barely even human!
Savages, savages, killers at the core...
(FEMALE) LEADER OF THE VAUCLUSE RÉSISTANCE:
They're different from us,
which means they can't be trusted...
RÉSISTANT I:
We must sound the call to war!
RÉSISTANTS:
Savages, savages, enemies of freedom!
We must sound the call to war!

(FEMALE) LEADER OF THE VAUCLUSE RÉSISTANCE:
Savages! Savages! Let's go kill a few men!
COLONEL (OBERST) VON STROHM:
Savages! Savages! Now it's up to you, men!
EVERYONE ON BOTH SIDES:
They're savages, savages, barely even human!
We must sound the call to war!


II. THE BALKAN VERSION OF "SAVAGES": CROATIAN USTASHE VS. SERBIAN CHETNIKS
(Annotation: The expression "Themselves they cannot cross" refers to the difference between the Catholic and Orthodox versions of the sign of the cross: Catholics like Croats cross themselves from left to right, while Orthodox like Serbs cross themselves from right to left.)

CROATIAN COLONEL:
What can you expect
from filthy li'l heretics?
This happens when confessions are diverse!
Themselves they cannot cross!
What better than their loss?
They're there for us to toss, and worse!

CROATS:
They're savages, savages, barely even human!
Savages, savages, drive them from our shore!
CROATIAN COLONEL:
They're not like you and me,
which means they must be evil...
We must sound the call to war!
CROATS:

Savages, savages, dirty cursed heretics!

We must sound the call to war!

SERBIAN COLONEL:
This is what we feared,
the Croats are all demons,
they only thing they care for is their creed...
SERBIAN CAPTAIN:
Beneath their milky hide,
there's emptiness inside...
SERBIAN LIEUTENANT:
I wonder if they even bleed!

SERBS:
They're savages, savages, barely even human!
Savages, savages, killers at the core...
SERBIAN COLONEL:
They're different from us,
which means they can't be trusted...
SERBIAN LIEUTENANT:
We must sound the call to war!
SERBS:
Savages, savages, down with those heretics!
We must sound the call to war!

CROATIAN COLONEL:
Savages! Savages! Let's go kill a few men!
SERBIAN COLONEL:
Savages! Savages! Now it's up to you, men!
EVERYONE ON BOTH SIDES:
They're savages, savages, barely even human!
We must sound the call to war!


III. THE WESTEROS VERSION OF "SAVAGES": REACHERS VS. DORNISH
(This takes place in the past, sometime between Aegon's Conquest and the conquest of Dorne. The Warden of the South and Princess of Dorne in this story are both my OC:s.)

PAXTER TYRELL:
What can you expect
from filthy little Rhoynar?
Their whole race of lewd sinners is a curse!
Their skins are dark and hot!
They rarely tie the knot!
They're all a wicked lot, and worse!

REACHERS:
They're savages, savages, barely even human!
Savages, savages, drive them from our shore!
PAXTER TYRELL:
They're not like you and me,
which means they must be evil...
We must sound the drums of war!
REACHERS:
Savages, savages, dirty cursed heretics!
We must sound the drums of war!

ELIA NYMEROS MARTELL:
This is what we feared,
the Reachers are not people,
they only thing they feel at all is greed...
LORD DAYNE:
Beneath their milky hide,
there's emptiness inside...
LORD YRONWOOD:
I wonder if they even bleed!

DORNISH:
They're savages, savages, barely even human!
Savages, savages, killers at the core...
ELIA NYMEROS MARTELL:
They're different from us,
which means they can't be trusted...
LORD YRONWOOD:
We must sound the drums of war!
DORNISH:
Savages, savages, closing in on our lands!
We must sound the drums of war!

ELIA NYMEROS MARTELL:
Savages! Savages! Let's go kill a few men!
PAXTER TYRELL:
Savages! Savages! Now it's up to you, men!
EVERYONE ON BOTH SIDES:
They're savages, savages, barely even human!
We must sound the drums of war!

THE ARRIVAL OF SPRINGTIME

THE ARRIVAL OF SPRINGTIME
A Game of Thrones fic by Sandra Dermark (main ideas)

Yara Greyjoy marries Loras Tyrell of convenience, as agreed by Loras's older brother Willas, killed in action against Stannis Baratheon. Yara feels like a stranger in the Reach, wonders at everything...  They can't have any children (she's too cold and he's queer). Suggestions to adopt children. A young orphan Robin Arryn (last living Arryn) is found and adopted.
They understand the meaning of their engagement. Ironborn navigation + Reach power on land = great alliance. Both decide to take part in the war. Truce breaks. Loras as "Renly" stabs Stannis in right side during battle for Storm's End, won by the Tyrell-Greyjoy alliance. Wounded Stannis and few survivors, Meli included, flee to Dragonstone.
War council amidst the heroes. Loras stays at Storm's End while Yara aims for Dragonstone, where the last stand is going to take place.
At Dragonstone, the Fury has landed already. Stannis dying (pneumothorax, described in detail, he's also weakened by enchantments Mel has cast) on Painted Table. Mel can heal his wounds... with blood from Shireen. Relevant dilemma: his daughter's life or his own?
Storm's End: Loras thinking of Renly and of what to do after the war.
Dragonstone: Stannis still dying, confronted by deaths of Renly and countless "heretics", faith crisis. No longer the promised saviour. Selyse left him (for parts unknown) due to his relationship with Mel. Shireen has not received any love or care. Arrival of a military surgeon, with distilled liquor. Fighting with Mel, the flagon falls: part of the liquor falls through Stannis's lips, part on Mel's skirt, the flagon shatters and shards hit both of them. For the first time in his life, he is intoxicated, and he smiles. Incensed, he demands that Shireen be spared. Throws candlestick at Mel: skirt catches fire, whole priestess catches fire, Stannis takes her for Shireen and dies suffocated before charred Mel.
Shireen in bedroom listens: "Should we warn the child?" "We have no time to drape the halls in black. The foes are coming".
Ironborn land, garrison surrenders, return to birthplaces (Essos, Stormlands, Reach). Prisoners in dungeons (Stormlanders and people of the Reach) freed. Ironborn warrior discovers Shireen "maybe the daughter of some officer". Pictures drawn by child confirm she's Stannis's daughter.  Uprising: prisoners want to kill Shireen, prevented by Yara ("what would Loras do?"). Shireen arrives at Storm's End on the Fury, now captained by Yara. Encounter with Loras, who recognizes her Baratheon features. Shireen adopted and betrothed to Robin, both enjoy a happy childhood at last. Springtime has finally arrived in Westeros!

THAT PEACH FROM THE REACH

The Game of Thrones series would have been somewhat better if there had been one nigh irrelevant minor detail.

A PEACH FROM THE REACH.

The peach that Renly offered Stannis during their confrontation in the novel series. 

Li'l bro Renly was treating a peach like a cup of Cabernet, then giving onii-sama another. Like "Take that, Dragonstone! We have fruit in the Reach!" Either like that or like "Carpe diem!" 

Which did not show up on TV.

I'm so disappointed!!

ALICE OF WESTEROS SACRIFICE - II

ALICE OF WESTEROS SACRIFICE - II

The second Alice was a gentlemanly one.

Singing a song, he entered Wonderland...

The ruler of those lands was in love with the beauties and charms of life. From the clifftop tower where he was born and raised, Renly Baratheon delighted in the warm colours of the sun setting behind the woods, the glitter of sunlight on the waves, the soft spring flowers, and the falling of the autumn leaves. From beyond the woods, from the fertile Reach, came Loras, his good friend, to whose sister Margaery he was betrothed. Renly was as pleased with Loras as Loras was with Renly.
Now Margaery wasn't that homely to say the least, but it wasn't for her that Renly's young heart beat in such a febrile way. It was hazel-eyed Loras, with his cascades of golden locks and soft cheeks of peach-fuzz, that Renly loved. He had recently left his birthplace to live on the Tyrells' stately chateau, surrounded by the high ramparts and beautiful gardens that gave the estate such a wonderful name. The lady of Highgarden loved him like she loved her own children, and she hoped that Renly and Margaery, having tied the knot, could give her hopeful grandchildren. 

The young dark-haired lord, whose cheeks and upper lip had started, unlike those of his beloved, to be decked with little strands of raven hair, still saw her as a friend, remaining steadfast in his feelings for Loras. Though their religion forbade such a relationship, it did not inflict any punishment. The young men kissed under trellises of golden roses, they shook peach blossoms on each other's heads... they slept in the same bed, in the same bedchamber, tickling each other under green coversheets embroidered with golden roses. They loved each other passionately all spring and summer long (and though Renly had wed the auburn and green-eyed Margaery in midsummer). But autumn had to come, the rainbows had to fade away, and such love had to pay its due.

Leaden clouds darkened the skies, the golden roses started to wither, and many other flowers had pined away. Cold winds from the east made the leaves fall, and warriors from the Stormlands visited Highgarden. Their leader was a tall and freckled lady knight with short, fair hair and steel-blue eyes.

The Stormlanders wanted their lord to be their king and deliverer. For Stannis Baratheon, Renly's stern and cold-hearted older brother, had left the harsh island fortress he ruled to claim his ancestral lands at Storm's End, where he had imposed a foreign religion by fire and sword. If left unchecked, the flames of war could smite the peaceful Reach.

The farewell knew no equal. Though Renly merely loved her as a good friend, he kissed his young consort and dried up her unchecked tears. Westward did the Stormland host ride: dark-eyed Renly before his ranks, soft-cheeked Loras Tyrell by his right side, fair-haired Brienne carrying the standard of the golden stag to the left. When they arrived, Stannis had already taken Storm's End, and burned the sacred godswood to the ground. The heroes could do nothing but encamp by the ramparts and await the garrison's surrender.

From the window in the chamber that once was his brother's, Stannis watched the enemy lay siege to the Baratheons' ancestral seat. That evening, two young men lay huddled together by the campfire. The dark-eyed, clean-shaven conqueror recognized young Renly and Loras Tyrell.

Having converted to another religion, Stannis couldn't forgive his younger brother's sins. Defying nature by making love to his own gender! Such a notorious deed should not be left unpunished!

Restraining the rage that surged within him, Stannis Baratheon announced that he would make a sortie into the enemy camp on his own. The sharp longsword at his side remained sheathed, but his firm hand was on the hilt.

Half-drunk on sweet Reach fruit wine, two young warriors lay half-asleep in the middle of the Renlyian encampment. One of them was raven-haired and bearded, while the other had golden locks and downy cheeks. A tall and dark figure, wielding a longsword, stepped silently by the campfire. A flash of moonlight reflected on the blade. Renly felt a sharp, stabbing pain in his back, piercing his vital organs, and then the tip of the sharp steel sprung up in the middle of his chest. The young lord didn't have time to look over his shoulder and recognize his clean-shaven and lean older brother as the one who had run him through the chest with his sword, for the blade had pierced his heart: with one last sigh, dark-haired Renly ceased to breathe and shut his eyes forever. The blood that surged from his pierced heart spread like the scattering petals of crimson roses.

When Loras woke up, he burst into tears that couldn't be restrained. The news of his beloved's death had spread through the encampment like wildfire. And the rage of the Stormlanders couldn't be more justified.

They rushed forth to avenge their liege lord, the hazel-eyed Loras himself slaying the enemy's lieutenants with his own sword in a fit of grieving rage, but to no avail: most of the Renlyian officers had already defected to the enemy side or been taken prisoner. "I can't avenge him if I'm dead", the young Tyrell thought, as his ranks deserted him:  the stronghold on the cliff did not fall at the end of the day. But the slayer of Renly had already left. And a teary-eyed Loras had fled the Stormlands, returning home to the Reach on his own, with the lifeless form of his beloved. 

I won't delve on how fair Brienne, to convince Loras of her innocence, fled the camp during the siege. What is worth of mention is that the lifeless form of Renly Baratheon was brought to the peaceful Reach, then earthed beneath the rose trees where he had so frequently kissed his darling, as Highgarden was draped in black. 

When spring came, the roses at his grave bloomed neither golden nor blood red, but the colour of copper. And the memory of his untimely death would linger within the hearts of the Tyrells, as long as the Reach existed.
The most experienced veterans in Westeros say that a rider on a white steed, wearing an antlered helmet and a shining breastplate, led the cavalry charge on the frontline at Blackwater. The battle was lost, but the charge would never be forgotten. The veteran soldiers say it was Renly Baratheon, whose death may not have been what happened in real life. Only a few people, the Tyrells of Highgarden, know the truth: the leader of the charge was Loras Tyrell, dressed in Renly's suit of armour and riding his liege lord's steed.