ROBERT BURNS - TO A LOUSE (ON A LADY'S BONNET)

 Imagine this: you're calmly sitting in your pew at church until you realise the girl in front of you is wearing a puffy hat full of frills and lace (inspired by the hot-air balloon/Montgolfier craze), and OMG, WAS THAT A BUG ON HER HAT?

Robert Burns felt really inspired and this is the result - it's far funnier than the Haggis and Mouse poems I have previously analysed:

Robert Burns

To a Louse

On Seeing One on a Lady’s Bonnet, at Church
1786

Ha! whaur ye gaun, ye crowlin ferlie?

(where are you going, you crawling miracle?)
Your impudence protects you sairly;

(sairly: greatly)
I canna say but ye strunt rarely,
Owre gauze and lace;

(lice like you strut very rarely on frilly, lacy hats --because the wealthy care much more about their hygiene)
Tho’, faith! I fear ye dine but sparely
On sic a place.

Ye ugly, creepin, blastit wonner,

(blasted --"bloody"-- wonder)
Detested, shunn’d by saunt an’ sinner,

(hated by saint and sinner alike)
How daur ye set your fit upon her-

(fit: feet)
Sae fine a lady?
Gae somewhere else and seek your dinner
On some poor body.

Swith! in some beggar’s haffet squattle;

(haffet: temple --the part of the head--; squattle, squat, occupy)
There ye may creep, and sprawl, and sprattle,
Wi’ ither kindred, jumping cattle,

(cattle: here, beasts)
In shoals and nations;

(shoals: schools, like those of fish - in the heads of the poor, there are whole schools and nations of lice)
Whaur horn nor bane ne’er daur unsettle

(where neither horn hairbrushes nor bug poison --bane-- dare unsettle your colonies; ie in the scalps of the poor)
Your thick plantations.

Now haud you there, ye’re out o’ sight,

(haud: halt. Halt/stop you there!)
Below the fatt’rels, snug and tight;

(fatterels: the frills of the hat/bonnet)
Na, faith ye yet! ye’ll no be right,
Till ye’ve got on it-
The verra tapmost, tow’rin height

(the very topmost, towering height)
O’ Miss’ bonnet.

My sooth! right bauld ye set your nose out,

(bauld: boldly)
As plump an’ grey as ony groset:

(groset: gooseberry; he's exaggerating the size of the louse)
O for some rank, mercurial rozet,

(rozet: resin. Mercurial roset: resin laced with mercury - to poison the louse)
Or fell, red smeddum,

(smeddum: makeup - Burns intends to poison our bug with it)
I’d gie you sic a hearty dose o’t,
Wad dress your droddum.

(droddum: breeches, trousers. I'd give you so much poison that you'd soil your breeches!)

I wad na been surpris’d to spy
You on an auld wife’s flainen toy;

(on an old lady's flannel cap)
Or aiblins some bit dubbie boy,

(on a small ragged boy, a street-rat)
On’s wyliecoat;

(on his underwear)
But Miss’ fine Lunardi! fye!

(Lunardi: puffy hat, inspired by a hot-air balloon. He's referring to Jenny's frilly hat, with the louse on it. Fye: EWWW!!)
How daur ye do’t?

(how dare you do it?)

O Jenny, dinna toss your head,

(Jenny is the girl in the Lunardi hat, the poem's addressee)
An’ set your beauties a’ abread!

(set your beauties in public, show off your looks)
Ye little ken what cursed speed

(ye little ken: you barely know)
The beastie’s makin:
Thae winks an’ finger-ends, I dread,

(there's people looking at you and stretching out their fingertips to catch the louse)
Are notice takin.

O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!

(may Heaven/the gods give us the gift to see ourselves as others see us)
It wad frae mony a blunder free us,

(mony: many)
An’ foolish notion:

(that gift would spare us many blunders and many foolish notions)
What airs in dress an’ gait wad lea’e us,
An’ ev’n devotion!

(putting on airs would leave us in a worse state. Jenny thinks that the others are admiring her hat and hairstyle; but really all eyes are on that louse)