LA SANDRA DERMARK - Paròdia de LA VACA CEGA

 LA SANDRA DERMARK - (PARÒDIA)

Per Ídem

21 de novembre - MMXVIII

(Els meus humils respectes a en Joan Maragall)

Topant de cap en una i altra moda,

avançant d’esma pel camí dels cultes,

se’n ve la Sandra tota sola. És Dermark.

D’un colp de Nord llançat amb massa traça

el Luter va buidar-li fe, i en l’altra

se li ha posat un tel. La Sandra és Dermark.

Ve a abeurar-se al local com ans solia,

mes no amb el ferm posat d’altres vegades,

ni amb ses companyes: no, ve tota sola.

Ses companyes, pels clubs i per les discos,

fan sonar reggaeton mentre remuguen

el “Sálvame” a l’atzar… Ella cauria.

Topa de morro en l’ampolla de Loki

i recula afrontada… però torna,

i empina el colze a dins, i beu ansiosa.

Beu molt, amb força set. Després aixeca

al cel, amb gel, la copa de cassalla

amb un gran gesto tràgic; tota vessa

a dins la morta gola, i se’n torna,

orfe de Llums sota els ritmes de dembow,

vacil·lant pels camins inoblidables,

brandant llànguidament les llargues cames.

Nihil obstat

Joan Maragall

La vaca cega (1893, hipotext)

Topant de cap en una i altra soca,
avançant d’esma pel camí de l’aigua,
se’n ve la vaca tota sola. És cega.
D’un cop de roc llançat amb massa traça,
el vailet va buidar-li un ull, i en l’altre
se li ha posat un tel. La vaca és cega.
Ve a abeurar-se a la font com ans solia;
mes no amb el ferm posat d’altres vegades
ni amb ses companyes, no: ve tota sola.
Ses companyes, pels cingles, per les comes,
pel silenci dels prats i en la ribera,
fan dringar l’esquellot mentres pasturen
l’herba fresca a l’atzar... Ella cauria.
Topa de morro en l’esmolada pica
i recula afrontada... Però torna
i abaixa el cap a l’aigua i beu calmosa.
Beu poc, sens gaire set... Després aixeca
al cel, enorme, l’embanyada testa
amb un gran gesto tràgic; parpelleja
damunt les mortes nines, i se’n torna
orfe de llum, sota del sol que crema,
vacil·lant pels camins inoblidables,
brandant llànguidament la llarga cua.

Joan Maragall, La vaca cega. 

WE ARE RINGSTETTENS

So here it is, my first B-Movie Show filk, which is also my first filk based upon my own original works:

WE ARE RINGSTETTENS

(Küstrin, summer 1631. The Ringstetten siblings take leave of their parents)
GUSTAVUS (laughs): You see, we fight for freedom and we need a sterling lad like you...
HEDWIG (embracing Gerhard): I'll miss you, even though I have become a court lady.
GERHARD: And I will miss you, sis. I want to be at least a lieutenant!

(The Swedish camp at Werben, summer 1631)
(Gustavus Adolphus sings the first verse of Verzage nicht. Enter Gerhard, obviously lost.)

OFFICERS' DAUGHTERS, CAMP FOLLOWERS: Watch yourself!
You seem to have much pelf!
LISELOTTE: You must be the new ensign lad!
GERHARD: Who's that girl?
What starts now to unfurl?
COL. VON TARLENHEIM: Swear the oath to the flag...
Let the cat out of the bag!
GERHARD: Wait a minute... I feel great!
I just hope it's not too late...
RECON OFFICER: Magdeburg has been overrun!
(At Breitenfeld, 7th of September 1631, while fighting the Leaguers and chasing Tilly):
TILLY, WALLOONS: It's too late!
Swedes we should overrate!
GERHARD: We cannot relax!
Give the old count some whacks!
(In winter, in the Rhineland)
ALOIS: Oh... Aaaaaaaaaah... remember Wallenstein,
for he is next in line... oh-oh!
GERHARD: He must be redoubtable...
ALOIS: That is undoubtable... oh-oh!

(Springtime 1632, before crossing the Lech)
GUSTAVUS, SWEDES: Who will go
to the capital, below?
GERHARD: White waters are bubbling in the stream...
SWEDES: And, ere we get there, old Count
Jean Tilly
is there, upon that lea!
You think it would seem
that he'd let us? Dream!
He'll get in a fix...
It's cross the Lech or cross the Styx!

GERHARD, HEDWIG, LISELOTTE, ALOIS: We are Ringstettens
and Tarlenheims in this war...
We are Ringstettens...
fighting and drenched in gore...

(En route to the Old Holdfast, summer 1632)
LISELOTTE: Right when we were about to cross the Austrian border, there was a message from the Elector of Saxony. Wallenstein has invaded those lands!

(Summer 1632, at the Old Holdfast. Wallenstein has just released Gerhard and other subaltern POWs as his fire decimates the Swedes on the slope. Then, Wallenstein burns the holdfast to the ground. Gerhard rejoins the Swedes on the plain below, as the holdfast is burning)
HEDWIG: Was it weird?
GERHARD: Much weirder than I feared...
KURTIUS: I shut my eyes, and all will disappear... (He dies)
GERHARD, LISELOTTE, HEDWIG, ALOIS: This is strange...
LISELOTTE: Now things begin to change...
GERHARD, LISELOTTE, HEDWIG, ALOIS: Will we make it through
after such a coup?

(The 6th of November 1632, at Lützen, in the heat of battle. Gustavus is recognized and shot in the back by a Croat. Pappenheim and Gerhard shoot each other in the chest.)
GUSTAVUS, GERHARD, PAPPENHEIM, BERTHOLD V. WALLENSTEIN: There goes the sun,
here comes the mist,
I can no longer resist...
Somebody tell me that I'm going to live...
(At twilight, Liselotte finds Gerhard in the trench)
LISELOTTE (putting the canteen to his lips): Drink up, Lieutenant, this liquor I give...

(Winter 1632, on the Christmas marketplace in Leipzig)
HEDWIG, LISELOTTE: We are Ringstettens,
in Leipzig, we sell our lace...

(Spring 1632, back in camp)
HEDWIG, LISELOTTE, GERHARD: We are Ringstettens,
and fight for the Swede Banér...

(Autumn 1634, post-Nördlingen):
HEDWIG, LISELOTTE, GERHARD: We are Ringstettens,
and live on shrooms, nuts, and fruit...

THE RINGSTETTEN SAGA XII: ARRIVAL IN SWEDEN

As the French beat up the Habsburgs on the front, René attempts to return into the fray by moonlight. He doesn't go too far: he is struck by searing pain and falls to the ground. Yvonne's maidservants discover his lifeless body in the garden, beneath a trellis of crimson roses. The young lady is about to give the instructions for his funeral, and the whole shire is in mourning, when Yvonne notices that the lieutenant's heart is still faintly beating, and he has slightly quivered. So, René has got to lay in bed some more. He sleeps soundly and drinks heartily, having learned his lesson. And he even starts to make some lace!
In winter, Alois and Gerhard show up once more with their unit, their wives and three children (Karl Hermann and Elsa, as well as Hedwig's so far only child Eleonora) to garrison at the young couple's place once more. Having dislocated his right shoulder when he collapsed beneath the trellis, the young Frenchman can't return to the war front a disabled officer, deciding to stay in his homeland with his spouse plus best friend.
On the other hand, Tellagorri, who lost his right hand at Rocroi, is determined to become Gerhard’s servant… after having told the Ringstettens a secret in private, a secret that they won’t tell anyone on behalf of the sergeant’s life: he was actually in unrequited love with his lieutenant, to whom he says farewell with a passionate kiss before joining the Ringstetten-Tarlenheim entourage.
Having heard Koldo explain that Queen Christina of Sweden, who has meanwhile come of age, is seeking peace... our heroes wonder what will happen next. Unlike René and Yvonne, they have nowhere to go, and more children for each year. Luckily, due to Cromwell's persecution of entertainers, a new kind of business is growing big in France...
Cut to 1649. The Protestants and their French allies have finally won the great war.
A performing troupe is giving a show on the main square in Varennes.
The motley group is composed of Gerhard and Liselotte with their five children, and Alois and Hedwig with their three children, plus retired sergeant Koldo Tellagorri and some tag-along orphans of war. They have also frequented their good friend René, his dear Yvonne, and their five little children, three girls and two boys.
The play deals with the exploits of Gustavus Adolphus, played by Gerhard's eldest son Hermann. His best friend, Hedwig's and Alois's eldest daughter Eleonora (a straw wig on her raven hair) plays her namesake the Queen of Sweden. The veterans themselves star on the enemy side as Tilly and Wallenstein, respectively (characterized as an exaggeratedly devout Catholic and a bloodthirsty sociopath). Liselotte doubles as Pappenheim and as Johan Banér, acting over the top in both parts. Hedwig herself is brilliant as Lady Fortune, who serves also as a Winged Victory, a Voice of Conscience, and the Lemony narrator of the tale. The Ringstetten and Tarlenheim children have grown up in carriages travelling all over France, having learned to read and write on their travels. 
In the commandant's residence, where they reside before hitting the road for the umpteenth time, they receive a visit from an unusually blond and pale envoy: he has sought them far and wide across France on behalf of Queen Christina, carrying some deeds to give Alois and Gerhard as reward for their services to the Swedish state.
Such an unexpected opportunity takes both families up north to their respective estates: the Ringstettens' shire is located in Värmland, on the shores of Lake Vänern, and the Tarlenheims' in the more northern and industrialized province of Dalecarlia.
Amidst dark firwood, glittering lakes and scattered wooden cottages, two whitewashed chateaux have found their rightful owners by royal decree.
Though the Tarlenheims have had, the whole clan (including Koldo), to convert to Protestantism to reside in Sweden, where Catholicism is banned.
The Ringstetten patriarch employs his spare time in making lace and writing his memoirs. In hindsight, the battles and other confrontations he has taken part in appear like massacres. One late autumn day in 1654, when riding in the woods, Gerhard meets the Queen herself, who is currently staying at Läckö, on the southern shore of the lake. He is invited by Her Majesty to visit her at the La Gardie residence on Läckö before she returns to court.

THOSE DAYS WHEN YOUNG PEOPLE READ INSTEAD OF WATCHING

Not so long ago, I published my review of a Thirty Years' War documentary on YouTube.
Translated from the Spanish, it reads like this:

"My Swedish ancestors didn't grow up on epic films or anime:

Gustavus Adolphus was their Natsu (a firebrand from the anime Fairy Tail), Tilly was their Jiraiya (the sympathetic old mentor in Naruto), Wallenstein was their Hitsugaya (a character in Bleach, whose alignment and morality are never made clear), and the pages of history books and adventure novels were the screens where they saw their adventures.

And I have decided to follow in the footsteps of those pre-WW2 generations.
In my humble opinion, the Thirty Years' War is better than Star Wars, LOTR, Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, or any adventure anime.