COPIA MOTORUM BORUM

Now it's time to have some fun with Latin!

First, there's this carol, sung when a pig's head was traditionally served on Christmas Eve:

THE BOAR'S HEAD CAROL

The boar's head in hand bring I,
Bedeck'd with bays and rosemary.
I pray, my masters, merry be,
Quod estes in convivio (As many as are in the feast)

Caput apri defero (The boar's head I offer)
Reddens laudes Domino (Giving praises to the Lord)

The boar's head, as I understand,
Is the rarest dish in all this land,
Which thus bedeck'd with a gay garland
Let us servire cantico. (serve with a song)

Caput apri defero (The boar's head I offer)
Reddens laudes Domino (Giving praises to the Lord)

Our steward hath provided this
In honour of the King of Bliss;
Which on this day to be served is
In Reginensi atrio. (In the hall of Queen’s [College])

Caput apri defero ( The boar's head I offer)

Reddens laudes Domino (Giving praises to the Lord)

And here's how some Latin verses were translated by students, traditonally:

Versio I:

Caesar adsum iam forte,

Brutus aderat.

Caesar sic in omnibus,

Brutus sic in at.

Caesar had some jam for tea,

Brutus had a rat.

Caesar sick in omnibus,

Brutus sick in hat.

Versio II:

Caesar et erat forte,

Brutus et sum iam.

Caesar sic in omnibus,

Brutus sic intram.

Caesar ate a rat for tea,

Brutus ate some jam.

Caesar sick in omnibus,

Brutus sick in tram.

Speaking of buses...

When 1920s Oxford was invaded by motor buses, a professor wrote the following satire:

THE MOTOR BUS

What is this that roareth thus?

Can it be a Motor Bus?

Yes, the smell and hideous hum

Indicat Motorem Bum!

Implet in the Corn and High

Terror me Motoris Bi:

Bo Motori clamitabo

Ne Motore caedar a Bo---

Dative be or Ablative

So thou only let us live:---

Whither shall thy victims flee?

Spare us, spare us, Motor Be!

Thus I sang; and still anigh

Came in hordes Motores Bi,

Et complebat omne forum

Copia Motorum Borum.

How shall wretches live like us

Cincti Bis Motoribus?

Domine, defende nos

Contra hos Motores Bos!

Another poem, more favoured by drinkers, goes a little like this:

Foster’s Lager

Ice-cool, at the bar, in glasses,
Foster’s lager wins all classes.
Utinam, relinquens agrum,
Biberem Fostertem lagrum!
Oh, for sure, they can cause aggro
Qui parent Fosterti lagro:
Lagri Fostertis amore
Victus quidam (goes the story)
Stole. Ebrios multos, certe,
Lagro capit lex Fosterte.
Yet I love thee, amber nectar:
Foster’s lager, te complectar!
And when circum me Fostertes
Lagri sunt, animadvertes,
Fostertum laudes lagrorum
I must sing. What’s more, decorum
Urges me ne parcam largis
Fostertibus illis lagris.
Sic, Fostertes lagros sinking,
Donec day breaks I’ll be drinking.


If you like chocolate, try this one:

MARS BAR

Est praedulcis esu Mars Bar.

Nil est cibo tuo, Mars, par.

Tune vis beatum larem?

Habe promptum Martem Barem.

Captus dono Martis Baris

Helenam liquisset Paris.

Dum natabunt ponto scari,

Dentur laudes Marti Bari!

There's this poem about a pair of brothers on an opossum hunt:

CARMEN POSSUM

The nox was lit by lux of luna,

And 'twas a nox most opportuna

To catch a possum or a coona;

For nix was scattered o'er this mundus,

A shallow nix, et non profundus.

On sic a nox with canis unus,

Two boys went out to hunt for coonus.

The corpus of this bonus canis

Was full as long as octo span is,

But brevior legs had canis never

Quam had hic dog; et bonus clever.

Some used to say, in stultum jocum

Quod a field was too small locum

For sic a dog to make a turnus

Circum self from stem to sternus.

Unus canis, duo puer,

Nunquam braver, nunquam truer,

Quam hoc trio nunquam fuit,

If there was I never knew it.

This bonus dog had one bad habit,

Amabat much to tree a rabbit,

Amabat plus to chase a rattus,

Amabat bene tree a cattus.

But on this nixy moonlight night

This old canis did just right.

Nunquam treed a starving rattus,

Nunquam chased a starving cattus,

But sucurrit on, intentus

On the track and on the scentus,

Till he trees a possum strongum,

In a hollow trunkum longum.

Loud he barked in horrid bellum,

Seemed on terra vehit pellum.

Quickly ran the duo puer

Mors of possum to secure.

Quam venerit, one began

To chop away like quisque man.

Soon the axe went through the truncum

Soon he hit it all kerchunkum;

Combat deepens, on ye braves!

Canis, pueri et staves

As his powers non longius carry,

Possum potest non pugnare.

On the nix his corpus lieth.

Down to Hades spirit flieth,

Joyful pueri, canis bonus,

Think him dead as any stonus.
"Ain't his corpus like a jelly?
Quid plus proof ought hunter velle?"

Now they seek their pater's domo,

Feeling proud as any homo,

Knowing, certe, they will blossom

Into heroes, when with possum

They arrive, narrabunt story,

Plenus blood et plenior glory.

Pompey, David, Samson, Caesar,

Cyrus, Black Hawk, Shalmanezer!

Tell me where est now the gloria,

Where the honors of victoria?

Nunc a domum narrant story,

Plenus sanguine, tragic, gory.

Pater praiseth, likewise mater,

Wonders greatly younger frater.

Possum leave they on the mundus,

Go themselves to sleep profundus,

Somniunt possums slain in battle,

Strong as ursae, large as cattle.

When nox gives way to lux of morning,

Albam terram much adorning,

Up they jump to see the varmin,

Of the which this is the carmen.

Lo! possum est resurrectum!

Ecce pueri dejectum,

Ne relinquit track behind him,

Et the pueri never find him.

Cruel possum! bestia vilest,

How the pueros thou beguilest!

Pueri think non plus of Caesar,

Go ad Orcum, Shalmanezer,

Take your laurels, cum the honor,

Since ista possum is a goner!

Anonymous, student humour, early modern UK:

Patres conscripti took a boat, and went to Philippi;

Boatum est upsettum, magno cum grandine venti.

Omnes drownderunt qui swim away non potuerunt.

Trumpeter unus erat, qui coatum scarlet habebat;

Et magnum periwig, tied about with the tail of a dead pig.

This one is old seventeenth-century German university humour:

Certamen studiosorum cum vigilibus nocturnis, anonymous, 1689

Bursa Studentorum cum tempore finstere noctis

Cum Cytharis Gigisque gaßatim lauffen et Harpffis

Inque steinis hawen, thuot feir ausspringen ab ipsis.

Non aliter rabidi Vigiles quam reißende Welfi

Accurrunt celeres cum Prüglis, Penglis et Heblis,

Hisque Studiosos antasten ilico verbis:

„Ite domum, Schelmi! sonuit jam zwelfen ab uris.“