TSQ-IV GOOD OMENS - PRINCESS PEPPER AND PRINCE ADAM

 

By augenblickgotter

FOURTH STORY. The Prince and Princess

“In the kingdom where we now are there lives a Princess, who is extraordinarily clever; for she has read all the newspapers in the whole world, and has forgotten them again--so clever is she. She was lately, it is said, sitting on her throne--which is not very amusing after all--and read from her paper that tells her everything to know, 'Have you chosen who to be married?' 

'That type of patriarchal old fashioned thinking is meaningless,' said she, and so then she was determined not to marry unless she found a clever good man; but she would have a husband who knew how to give an answer when he was spoken to--not one who looked only as if he were a great personage, for that is so tiresome. She then had all the ladies of the court drummed together; and when they heard her intention, all were very pleased, and said, 'We are very glad to hear it; it is the very thing we were thinking of.' 

“The newspapers appeared forthwith with a proclamation from the Princess; and therein you might read that every smart young man was at liberty to come to the palace and speak to the Princess; and he who spoke in such wise as showed he felt himself at

home there, that one the Princess would choose to talk to about why marriage was nonsense.

People came in crowds; there was a crush and a hurry, but no one was successful either on the first or second day. They could all talk well enough when they were out in the street; but as soon as

they came inside the palace gates, and saw the guard richly dressed in silver, and the lackeys in gold on the staircase, and the large illuminated saloons, then they were abashed; and when they stood before the throne on which the Princess was sitting, all they could do was to repeat the last word they had uttered, and to hear it again did not interest her very much. It was just as if the people within were under a charm, and had fallen into a trance till they came out again into the street; for then--oh, then--they could chatter enough. There was a whole row of them standing from the town-gates to the palace“They grew hungry and thirsty and looked one missed meal  from devouring each other.

But from the palace they got nothing whatever, not even a glass of water. Some of the cleverest, it is true, had taken bread and butter with them:

but none shared it with his neighbour, for each thought, 'Let him look hungry, and then the Princess won't have him.'”

“Uhm, this is a lot of meandering filler of a backstory..."

“When did he come? Was he among the

number?”

“Patience, patience; we are just come to him. It was on the third day when a little personage without horse or equipage, the young person came calmly right up to the palace; his eyes shone like glass before them, his hair was nice like gold, a...”

 “He had a little knapsack at his back,” 

When he came into the court-yard of the palace, and saw the body-guard in silver, the lackeys on the staircase, he was not the least abashed; he nodded, and said to them,

'It must be very tiresome to stand on the stairs; for my part, I shall go in.' The saloons were gleaming with lustres--privy councillors and excellencies were walking about barefooted, and wore gold keys; it was enough to make any one feel uncomfortable. His boots creaked, too, so

loudly, but still he was not at all afraid.”

“And did he get the Princess?”

And on he went boldly up to the Princess, who was sitting at her desk with her notes that tell her all. All the ladies of the court, with their attendants and attendants' attendants, and all the cavaliers, with their gentlemen and gentlemen's gentlemen, stood round; and the nearer they stood to the door, the prouder they looked. It was hardly possible to look at the gentleman's gentleman, so very smartly did he stand in the doorway before stepping in and saying hello

It is said he spoke as well. He was humbled and nicely behaved; he had not come to woo the Princess, but only to hear her wisdom. She found him smart and pleased it was the first that had been so before her. He apologized and she said not to worry, he did not want to marry either for he was young like her, and they had much to talk of as friends.”

She took it out of the kitchen, where there is bread enough. You are hungry,

no doubt. It is not possible for you to enter the palace, for you are barefooted: the guards in silver, and the lackeys in gold, would not

allow it; but do not cry, you shall come in still. ... A little back stair that leads to the bedchamber, and she knows where she can get the key to it.

And they went into the garden in the large avenue, where one leaf was falling after the other; and when the lights in the palace had all gradually disappeared, 

They were now on the stairs. A single lamp was burning there; and on the floor

“I think there is somebody just behind us,” and something rushed past: it was like shadowy figures on the wall; horses with

flowing manes and thin legs, huntsmen, ladies and gentlemen on horseback.

 

“They are only dreams, They come to fetch the thoughts of the high personages to the chase; 'tis well, for now you can observe

them in bed all the better.”

They now entered the first saloon, which was of rose-colored satin, with artificial flowers on the wall. Here the dreams were rushing past,

but they hastened by so quickly that one could not see the high personages. One hall was more magnificent than the other; one might

indeed well be abashed; and at last they came into the bedchamber. The ceiling of the room resembled a large forest with leaves of glass,

of costly glass; and in the middle of the room was a large tall posted bed surrounded topped with a canopy of gauze to see through.  He bent back one of canopy sides, and saw 

a boyish face.

he called him quite loudly by name, held the lamp towards him--the dreams rushed back again into the chamber--he awoke,

turned his head, and--

 

The Prince was only like him as he was a young boy too. But his hair was not sunshine golden, but golden as a wheat in the field.

And beside him the Princess roused too. She was very lovely to a man, with very dark curling long hair and eyes and skin just as dark.

She was startled but saw nothing to fear in a little boy and two Ravens staring at her, and asked what was the matter.

“Poor little thing!” said the Prince and the Princess. They praised the Ravens very much, and told them they were not at all angry with them,

but they were not to do so again and next time ask them if they were little Azira.  However, they should have a reward.

“Will you fly about here at liberty,” asked the Princess; “or would you like to have an occupation as court ..., with all the broken

bits from the kitchen?”

 

 

The Prince and Princess told Crowley how sorry they were for all his searching, and he should very much rest here that night.

They both got up and let ... sleep in the bed, which he could not say no to.

He folded his little hands and thought, “How good men ... are! I mean, at least they tried.” And he then fell asleep and slept soundly. 

The next day he was dressed from head to foot in silk and velvet which he also couldn't say no to.

They offered to let him stay at the palace, and lead a happy life; but he begged to have a horse, and for a small pair of shoes; then, he said, he would again go forth in the wide world 

 

Shoes and a muff were given him; and a small horse stopped before the door.

It was black, but the tack and saddle had emblems of the Prince and Princess on them, and the saddlebags were filled with supplies. The Prince and the Princess assisted him into the saddle themselves, and wished him all success. 

 

“Farewell! Farewell!” cried Prince and Princess; and Crowley felt sadness at the parting.

 Thus passed the first miles; ... as long as he could see the rider, and bid him well.

"Mind how you go!" he cried after the horse and rider.

Initially, I had the Prince and Princess be Newt and Anathema, but I changed it to Pepper and Adam. It's funnier with the book princess obsessed with marriage and having Pepper in that role. It also makes the ravens earnest mistake more believable AND adds more kid protagonists to the story like a fairy tale.

....

SEVENTH STORY - 

 what Happened Afterward.

, and inquired for the Prince and Princess.

 

“They are gone abroad,” said the other. "Going to see the world."

 

"Oh, I always wanted to see the world," Azira said.