CHRISTINA, GRANTAIRE, AND THE GREAT COMET OF 18**

This is just a crack AU; I made it under the influence of the hot sun, and I don't ship Daaétaire... Christaire... :'( but Chris*Raoul and Enjoltaire, obviously. The only canon pairing here is maybe Iassio...
So anyway it's a steampunk/gaslamp fantasy crossover filk (maybe an outright filk opera)... real people (mostly Queen Victoria), Les Mis, Shakespeare, Leroux... BTW, the Marianne who stars here is NOT the personification of France, but the fallen woman in Shakespeare's not-so-famous tragicomedy Measure for Measure, published at around the same time as Othello ;) (her name is most commonly rendered Mariana, but I altered it to fit the scansion!) oh, if I made her and Cassio siblings and Grantaire her husband and all that, blame the hot sun as well! BTW, Zéphine is here the Count de Chagny's mistress, in spite of being a plain jane in this AU, and they cohabit...


There's a war going on out there, somewhere...
And Raoul isn't here...
There's a war going on out there, somewhere...
And Raoul isn't here...
There's a war going on out there, somewhere...
And Raoul isn't here...

Ett-tu-tre!

This is all in your programme;
we are all at the opera,
you ought to have studied up a little bit
if you've got to keep with the plot...
This is a complicated crack crossover,
everyone's from one universe,
so please look it up in your programme,
we appreciate it thanks a lot,
da-da-da- da-da-da- da-da-dah...

Christina is young...
She loves Raoul with all her heart...

Christina is young,
and Raoul isn't here!

Luna is (Love-)good,
Christina's roommate and closest friend...

Luna is good,
Christina is young,
and Raoul isn't here!

Victoria is old-school, a grand widowed ruler,
Christina's guardian, and strict yet kind...

Victoria is old-school,
Luna is good,
Christina is young,
and Raoul isn't here!

This is all in your programme;
we are all at the opera,
you ought to have studied up a little bit
if you've got to keep with the plot...
This is a complicated crack crossover,
everyone's from one universe,
so please look it up in your programme,
we appreciate it thanks a lot,
da-da-da- da-da-da- da-da-dah...

Cassio is HOT!!
He spends his money on women and wine...

Cassio is HOT,
Victoria is old-school,
Luna is good,
Christina is young,
and Raoul isn't here!

Marianne is a SLUT!!
Cassio's half-sister, married to Grand'R...

Marianne is a SLUT,
Cassio is HOT,
Victoria is old-school,
Luna is good,
Christina is young,
and Raoul isn't here!

Iago is FIERCE,
but not too important...
Cassio's friend, and a very good shot...

Iago is FIERCE,
Marianne is a SLUT,
Cassio is HOT,
Victoria is old-school,
Luna is good,
Christina is young,
and Raoul isn't here!

Chandeliers and caviar,
THE WAR CAN'T TOUCH US HERE!!

--minor characters!--

Count Phil de Chagny is crazy,
and Zéphine is plain...
Raoul's family, totally messed up... (oh, that's an understatement...)
AND FRED WEASLEY'S JUST FOR FUN!!

Fred Weasley is FUN,
Philippe is CRAZY,
Zéphine is plain,
Iago is FIERCE,
Marianne is a SLUT,
Cassio is HOT,
Victoria is old-school,
Luna is good,
Christina is young,
and Raoul isn't here!

What about Grand'R?
Dear, bewildered, and awkward Grantaire...?
Wot about Grand'R?
Sarcastic, unhappily married Grantaire...
What about Grand'R?
What about Grand'R?
What about Grand'R?

SANSA, (LORAS) TYRELL, AND THE GREAT FIRE-RED COMET OF 299

So I realised that the cast of A Song of Ice and Fire was tailor-made for a Great Comet AU (there is an ingénue, her female best friend, their grande dame mentor, a slut sister to the hard-drinking womaniser, and -of course- a great comet!), et voilà! It wound up being Loransa-centric, so maybe this turns out as a parody... PS. I know Loras isn't straight, but again, this is AU, and the fusion might allow us some licences, so here he is bi!

SANSA, (LORAS) TYRELL, 

and
the

GREAT 

FIRE-RED 

COMET

of

299

There's a war going on out there somewhere,
and Jon Snow isn't here...
There's a war going on out there somewhere,
and Jon Snow isn't here...

There's a war going on out there somewhere,
and Jon Snow isn't here...

Raz-dva-tri!

This is all in your programme:
You are at the opera!
Gonna have to study up a little bit
if you wanna keep with the plot
'Cause it’s a complicated Westerosi novel
Everyone’s got nine different names
So look it up in your programme;
we’d appreciate it, thanks a lot!
Da da da
Da da da
Da da da...

--#SANSA!!--

Sansa is young,
she loves Jon Snow with all her heart...

Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

Margaery is good,
Sansa's handmaid and closest friend...

Margaery is good,
Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

Olenna is old-school, 
a grand dame of Highgarden,
and Sansa's mentor, strict yet kind...

Olenna is old-school,
Margaery is good,
Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

This is all in your programme:
You are at the opera!
Gonna have to study up a little bit
if you wanna keep with the plot
'Cause it’s a complicated Westerosi novel
Everyone’s got nine different names
So look it up in your programme;
we’d appreciate it, thanks a lot
Da da da
Da da da
Da da da...

--#TYRION!!--

Tyrion is HOT!!
He spends his money on women and wine...

Tyrion is HOT,
Olenna is old-school,
Margaery is good,
Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

Cersei is a SLUT!!
Tyrion's sister, married to Tyrell...

Cersei is a SLUT,
Tyrion is HOT,
Olenna is old-school,
Margaery is good,
Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

Oberyn is FIERCE,
but not too important,
Tyrion's friend, a crazy good shot...

Oberyn is FIERCE,
Cersei is a SLUT,
Tyrion is HOT,
Olenna is old-school,
Margaery is good,
Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

Tapestries and Dornish red;
THE WAR CAN'T TOUCH US HERE!!

--minor characters!--

Old Lady Catelyn is crazy,

and Arya is plain...

Jon Snow's family, totally messed up...

AND THEON GREYJOY'S JUST FOR FUN!!

Theon Greyjoy is fun,

Catelyn is crazy,

Arya is plain,

Oberyn is FIERCE,
Cersei is a SLUT,
Tyrion is HOT,

Olenna is old-school,
Margaery is good,
Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

What about Tyrell?
Dear, bewildered and awkward Loras Tyrell?
What about Tyrell?
Rich, unhappily married Loras Tyrell?
What about Tyrell?
What about Tyrell?
What about Tyrell?