SANSA, (LORAS) TYRELL, AND THE GREAT FIRE-RED COMET OF 299

So I realised that the cast of A Song of Ice and Fire was tailor-made for a Great Comet AU (there is an ingénue, her female best friend, their grande dame mentor, a slut sister to the hard-drinking womaniser, and -of course- a great comet!), et voilà! It wound up being Loransa-centric, so maybe this turns out as a parody... PS. I know Loras isn't straight, but again, this is AU, and the fusion might allow us some licences, so here he is bi!

SANSA, (LORAS) TYRELL, 

and
the

GREAT 

FIRE-RED 

COMET

of

299

There's a war going on out there somewhere,
and Jon Snow isn't here...
There's a war going on out there somewhere,
and Jon Snow isn't here...

There's a war going on out there somewhere,
and Jon Snow isn't here...

Raz-dva-tri!

This is all in your programme:
You are at the opera!
Gonna have to study up a little bit
if you wanna keep with the plot
'Cause it’s a complicated Westerosi novel
Everyone’s got nine different names
So look it up in your programme;
we’d appreciate it, thanks a lot!
Da da da
Da da da
Da da da...

--#SANSA!!--

Sansa is young,
she loves Jon Snow with all her heart...

Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

Margaery is good,
Sansa's handmaid and closest friend...

Margaery is good,
Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

Olenna is old-school, 
a grand dame of Highgarden,
and Sansa's mentor, strict yet kind...

Olenna is old-school,
Margaery is good,
Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

This is all in your programme:
You are at the opera!
Gonna have to study up a little bit
if you wanna keep with the plot
'Cause it’s a complicated Westerosi novel
Everyone’s got nine different names
So look it up in your programme;
we’d appreciate it, thanks a lot
Da da da
Da da da
Da da da...

--#TYRION!!--

Tyrion is HOT!!
He spends his money on women and wine...

Tyrion is HOT,
Olenna is old-school,
Margaery is good,
Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

Cersei is a SLUT!!
Tyrion's sister, married to Tyrell...

Cersei is a SLUT,
Tyrion is HOT,
Olenna is old-school,
Margaery is good,
Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

Oberyn is FIERCE,
but not too important,
Tyrion's friend, a crazy good shot...

Oberyn is FIERCE,
Cersei is a SLUT,
Tyrion is HOT,
Olenna is old-school,
Margaery is good,
Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

Tapestries and Dornish red;
THE WAR CAN'T TOUCH US HERE!!

--minor characters!--

Old Lady Catelyn is crazy,

and Arya is plain...

Jon Snow's family, totally messed up...

AND THEON GREYJOY'S JUST FOR FUN!!

Theon Greyjoy is fun,

Catelyn is crazy,

Arya is plain,

Oberyn is FIERCE,
Cersei is a SLUT,
Tyrion is HOT,

Olenna is old-school,
Margaery is good,
Sansa is young,
and Jon Snow isn't here!

What about Tyrell?
Dear, bewildered and awkward Loras Tyrell?
What about Tyrell?
Rich, unhappily married Loras Tyrell?
What about Tyrell?
What about Tyrell?
What about Tyrell?