DESINTOXICARSE

 DESINTOXICARSE,

o

UNA JORNADA MUSICAL EN EL CENTRO BETTY FORD

Ganadora del Annie por Súmmum Individual en Producción Animada Televisiva y del Emmy por Súmmum Individual en Música y Letras (ambos premios en 1998)

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ACTO PRIMERO

Un juzgado, en Los Ángeles

Juez:

¿Cómo declaran al acusado?

Miembra del Jurado:

Culpable de exhibicionismo indecente…

Miembro del Jurado 1º:

Conducta desviante crónica y reciente…

Jurado:

Tenencia de drogas, conducción ebria…

Miembro del Jurado 2º:

Él escribió diez hojas, ésto es la primera.

Juez:

Tendrías que estar entre rejas, facineroso,

pero esto es L.A.

y eres rico y famo-o-o-oso…

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ACTO SEGUNDO

El Centro Betty Ford

Drogadicto:

¡Me vengo a

desintoxicar!

Personal del Centro:

Se viene a

desintoxi-toxicar…

Drogadicto:

¡No más píldoras ni alcohol!

¡No más hierba o demerol!

¡Nada más de diversión!

(Pausa)

¡Me vengo a

desintoxicar!

Personal y Pacientes del Centro:

Se viene a

desintoxi-toxicar…

Enfermero 1º:

¡Nada más de palidez!

Enfermero 2º:

¡Ni hormigueos esta vez! (Le saca al Drogadicto la aspirina del bolsillo y la arroja lejos)

Drogadicto:

¡Mi aspirina, no, pardiez!

Personal y Pacientes del Centro:

¡Tírala!

¡Te desintoxicaré!

KICKIN' IT

This post is a sequel to "Stop the Planet of the Apes", which I published earlier this month.
In said post, I broke the ice with the following intro:

I just said to myself one day not long ago... "I have to post the lyrics to this musical theatre parody (the first of its kind in The Simpsons, followed by Kickin' It and King of the Cats) for any dear Rambles readers who want to do at least an audio version of this impressive show:

Well, larvae of all stages, adolescents of every gender, here is Kickin' It, also known to me by its Castilian title Desintoxicarse. Set in 1990s Los Angeles, the plot focuses on the rehabilitation of a young drug-addicted media star. Idem eadem idem as for Stop the Planet of the Apes: any of you can at least record the audio version if you remember the tunes (if not, there is always YouTube).

KICKIN' IT

A MUSICAL JOURNEY THROUGH THE BETTY FORD CENTRE



SCENE THE FIRST: A COURTROOM

Judge:

How do you find the defendant?

Female Juror:

He's guilty of mayhem, exposure indecent...

First Male Juror:

Freaked-out behavior both chronic and recent...

Ensemble (Jury):

Drinking and driving, narcotics posession...

Second Male Juror:

And that's just page one of this ten-page confession.

Judge:

I should put you away where you can't kill or maim us,

but this is L.A. and you're rich and fa-a-a-amous...

SCENE THE SECOND: THE BETTY FORD CENTRE

Drug Addict:

I'm checkin' in!

Ensemble (Betty Ford Staff):

He's checkin' in.

Drug Addict:

I'm checkin' in!

Ensemble (Betty Ford Staff):

Checkin', checkin' in.

Drug Addict:

No more pills or alcohol,

no more pot or demerol,

no more stinkin' fun at all!

(Pause.)

I'm checkin' in!

Ensemble (Betty Ford Staff and Patients):

He's checkin' in.

He's checkin' in.

Male Nurse I:

No more lookin' pale and thin...

Male Nurse II:

No more bugs beneath your skin...

Drug Addict:

Hey, that's just my aspirin!

Ensemble (Betty Ford Staff):

Chuck it out!

Ensemble (Betty Ford Staff and Patients):

You're checki-i-i-in' i-in!

And now, FYI: The musical number, in real life (outside the show, on our side of the fourth wall), won both an Annie award for Outstanding Individual Achievement for Music in an Animated Television Production and an Emmy award for Outstanding Individual Achievement in Music and Lyrics in 1998.