FIRST WE TAKE KING'S LANDING (THEN WE SMITE TYWIN)

The idea for this filk came after listening to the Cohen song closely and thinking of my favourite Dornishman. It's a bunny as old as three quarters of a year, but I was trying to make the words and the rhyme fit Oberyn's character arc, like solving a puzzle of which I only had got a few pieces, and was trying to find the others everywhere to fit them and get the big picture. At last, the puzzle is now complete.
This song is set around the Purple Wedding, and shipping Oberyn/Cersei (as my first Othello Westeros retelling proves) is involved. But mostly it's about Oberyn's thirst for revenge...
(PS. This filk was also written to illustrate my support of the Oberyn-poisoned-Tywin theory, in which I firmly believe.)

FIRST WE TAKE KING'S LANDING (THEN WE SMITE TYWIN)

A Westeros filk by Sandra Dermark

24th of September 2015

OBERYN:

They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom,

seized with the pain that rent me from within...

I'm coming now... I'm coming to reward them...

First we take King's Landing...

Then we smite Tywin!

I'm guided, not by signals in the heavens...

ELLARIA:

Guided...

OBERYN:

I'm guided by the colour of our skin...

ELLARIA:

I am guided by...

OBERYN:

I'm guided by the beauty of our weapons...

ELLARIA:

Ooooh...

OBERYN:

First we take King's Landing...

Then we smite Tywin!

CERSEI:

I'd really like to live beside you, by your side...

I love your body, and your spirit, and your clothes!

But you see the fair ones sitting by the bridegroom?

I told you... I told you...

I told you I was one of those!

OBERYN:

You loved me as a loser,

but now you're worried that I just might win!

You know the way to stop me...

but you lack the discipline!

How many nights I've prayed for this,

to let my show begin? 

First we take King's Landing...

Then we smite Tywin!

OBERYN & ELLARIA:

I don't like your war repression, mister...

and I don't like that rank that keeps you thin...

OBERYN:

I don't like what happened to my sister...

First we take King's Landing...

Then we smite Tywin!

CERSEI:

I'd really like to live beside you, by your side...

I love your body, and your spirit, and your clothes!

But you see the fair ones sitting by the bridegroom?

I told you... I told you...

I told you I was one of those!

OBERYN:

And I thank you for that pardon that you sent me... (Ironic laugh)

The Red Keep seems now pleased to let me in...

I've practiced every night... and now I'm ready...

First we take King's Landing...

Then we smite Tywin!

ELLARIA:

I am... guided...

OBERYN:

Remember me? I used to live for passions.

Remember me? I never reined them in...

Well, it's wedding day, and everybody's wounded...

First we take King's Landing...

Then we smite Tywin!

POST SCRIPTUM:

The first pieces of the puzzle I had were the following:

---FIRST WE TAKE KING'S LANDING (THEN WE SMITE TYWIN) (the title/refrain)

---They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom,

seized with the pain that rent me from within...

I'm coming now... I'm coming to reward them...

First we take King's Landing...

Then we smite Tywin!

---I'm guided by the colour of our skin...

---I'm guided by the beauty of our weapons...

---You loved me as a loser,

but now you're worried that I just might win!

You know the way to stop me...

but you lack the discipline!

How many nights I've prayed for this,

to let my show begin? 

First we take King's Landing...

Then we smite Tywin!

---and I don't like that rank that keeps you thin...

---I don't like what happened to my sister...

---I've practiced every night... and now I'm ready...

---Remember me? I used to live for passions.

Remember me? I never reined them in...

Well, it's wedding day, and everybody's wounded...

First we take King's Landing...

Then we smite Tywin!

Then I had to put the pieces together. The few pieces I had on my mind, plus thinking of the missing pieces and how to piece them together. The whole Oberyn part of the song being the Dornishman's secret rant for Tywin Lannister. The thoughts on his mind as he secretly laces his opponent's every drink. The whole plan meant to succeed even if Oberyn gets killed in that Clegane showdown.

THE BLACK CELL TANGO (WESTEROS FILK)

[MELISANDRE]
Peach! 
[CERSEI]
Skin! 
[ARYA]
Gold! 
[MARGAERY]
Uh-uh! 
[QUEEN OF THORNS]
Wedding Feast! 
[CATELYN / LADY STONEHEART]
Freys!

[MELISANDRE]
Peach! 
[CERSEI]
Skin! 
[ARYA]
Gold! 
[MARGAERY]
Uh-uh! 
[QUEEN OF THORNS]
Wedding Feast! 
[CATELYN / LADY STONEHEART]
Freys!

[JEOR MORMONT]
And now, the Six Merry Murderesses of Westeros
in their rendition of The Black Cell Tango!

[MELISANDRE]
Peach! 
[CERSEI]
Skin! 
[ARYA]
Gold! 
[MARGAERY]
Uh-uh! 
[QUEEN OF THORNS]
Wedding Feast! 
[CATELYN / LADY STONEHEART]
Freys!

[MELISANDRE]
Peach! 
[CERSEI]
Skin! 
[ARYA]
Gold! 
[MARGAERY]
Uh-uh! 
[QUEEN OF THORNS]
Wedding Feast! 
[CATELYN / LADY STONEHEART]
Freys!

He had it coming, he had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same

[MELISANDRE]
Peach! 
[CERSEI]
Skin! 
[ARYA]
Gold! 
[MARGAERY]
Uh-uh! 
[QUEEN OF THORNS]
Wedding Feast! 
[CATELYN / LADY STONEHEART]
Freys!

[MELISANDRE]
You know how people have these little habits that get you down. 
Like... Renly.
Renly liked to be a rebel. Not just a rebel. A TRAITOR.
So he and Stannis had a parley one day,
and there I am witnessing, and I'm telling him to accept his true king 
and there's Renly joking as usual, being rebellious and obnoxious. 
No, not just rebellious. PEACHY. 
So I said to him, I said "the night is dark and full of terrors...", 
and he laughed.
So I just gave birth to a shadow and sent it after Renly... 
a dark, cold death.

He had it coming, 
he had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you had been there, 
if you had heard it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[MELISANDRE]
Peach! 
[CERSEI]
Skin! 
[ARYA]
Gold! 
[MARGAERY]
Uh-uh! 
[QUEEN OF THORNS]
Wedding Feast! 
[CATELYN / LADY STONEHEART]
Freys!

[MELISANDRE]
Peach! 
[CERSEI]
Skin! 
[ARYA]
Gold! 
[MARGAERY]
Uh-uh! 
[QUEEN OF THORNS]
Wedding Feast! 
[CATELYN / LADY STONEHEART]
Freys!

[CERSEI]
I met Robert Baratheon from Storm's End about thirteen years ago. 
And he vowed to make me Queen, 
so we got married right away.
So, we started living together. 
He'd go hunt, he would come home, I'd pour him a drink, we'd have dinner.
And then, in bed, 
"Lyanna" he told me???
Lyanna, Seven Hells! 
Not only he loved her... oh no, he had several mistresses. 
One of those male whores, you know. 
So that morrow, when he left home to hunt, 
I gave his skin of wine to Lancel as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold their strong wine.

He had it coming
He had it coming!
He took a lioness in its prime!
And then he used it
And he abused it!
It was a murder, but not a crime!

[ARYA]
Now, I'm standing in this Inn, 
drinking some ale with the Hound,
minding my own business...
In storms the Tickler in a murderous rage!
"Is there gold in the village?", he says.
He was crazy, and he kept repeating,
"Is there gold in the village?"
And then he ran into my Needle.
He ran into my Needle a hundred times.

If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[MARGAERY]
Qu'est-ce que je fais ici?
On dit que j'ai eu des affaires jusqu'a ce que 
mon époux royal atteint la majorité sexuelle.
Mais ce n'est pas vrai. Je suis innocente.
Je ne sais pas pourquoi la Cour entière dit qui j'ai eu des affaires.
J'ai essayé de l'expliquer au clergé, mais on ne me croit pas.
[CERSEI]
(Yeah, but did you do it???)
[MARGAERY]
Uh-uh... NOT GUILTY!!!

[QUEEN OF THORNS]
My granddaughter Margaery and I had this powerful plan, 
and her betrothed, Joffrey, was an integral part of it.
Now, while having dinner in King's Landing, Lady Sansa told us the raw, ugly truth... 
lies, sins, pain, evil, dread... 
beatings, mental abuse, cruelty, madness, 
one right after the other.
Well, this one night in their wedding feast, 
all were happy, boozing and having a few laughs,
and Joff ran out of wine. 
So he sent Tyrion to get some.
And so he did, Joff drank 
and there's this frightening, awful, thin sound...
a closing throat.
Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. 
I couldn't remember a thing. 
It wasn't until later, when I recalled straightening Sansa's hairnet, 
I realized why he was dead.

They had it coming!
They had it coming!
They had it coming all along!
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong???

They had it coming!
They had it coming!
They had it coming all along!
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong???

[CATELYN / LADY STONEHEART]
I knew Freys were scum more than I can possibly say.
They were just those kind of guys... proud... really prickly.
They were trying to get back at my son Robb.
Then on Edmure's wedding night they stood up for themselves 
and on the way,
they murdered Robb, Dacey, Raynald, and me.
I guess you can say they're dying by the dozen due to warfare differences.
They saw themselves as alive
And I saw them dead.

The dirty scums, scums, scums, scums, scums!
The dirty scums, scums, scums, scums, scums!

They had it coming!
They had it coming!
They had it coming all along!
'Cause if they used us
And they abused us
How could you tell us that we were wrong?

He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame!
If you'd have been there?
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[MELISANDRE]
The night is dark and full of terrors...
[CERSEI]
Lyanna, Seven Hells!
[ARYA]
He ran into my Needle a hundred times.
[MARGAERY]
Pourquoi suis-je prisonnière ici?
[QUEEN OF THORNS]
This frightening, awful, thin sound - a closing throat.
[CATELYN / LADY STONEHEART]
Warfare differences.

[MELISANDRE]
Peach! 
[CERSEI]
Skin! 
[ARYA]
Gold! 
[MARGAERY]
Uh-uh! 
[QUEEN OF THORNS]
Wedding Feast! 
[CATELYN / LADY STONEHEART]
Freys!

[MELISANDRE]
Peach! 
[CERSEI]
Skin! 
[ARYA]
Gold! 
[MARGAERY]
Uh-uh! 
[QUEEN OF THORNS]
Wedding Feast! 
[CATELYN / LADY STONEHEART]
Freys!