The Search for the Lost Husband

The Search for the Lost Husband (East of the Sun and West of the Moon) - AT 425 and 425A

AT 425 is called The Search for the Lost Husband. 

A handsome man and his young wife lived together happily, even though they could only meet in the dark -he had something against appearing in broad daylight-, but with time she became homesick. So he gave her leave to visit her family, but warns her against listening to her mother's advice. The young wife listens to her mother anyway, and as a result breaks the "contract" at hand. When she on the advice of her mother looks at him in the light of a candle during the night, drops of wax awakened her sleeping husband, and the man resolutely goes away because of a spell cast on him by his stepmother: He would now have to go to a castle east of the sun and west of the moon and marry a woman with a nose three ells (cubits) long. With that he disappears. Hence, the first part of the tale revolves around young love and its whereabouts - including staying away from the in-laws and parents in fair ways to get a "thing" going with one's sleep partner in the long run, which is fit for a couple.

Undaunted, his true wife set out to find him anyway, and undergoes a sorrowful wandering to recover him. The second part of the tale is about that, and how it ends. The young wife sets out for a long and difficult quest for him, in part using iron shoes for climbing. On her way she is given directions and precious gifts by helpful people. She arrives at her bridegroom's far-away residence by climbing a mountain. She takes service as maid and trades her precious things for three nights by the side of her lost husband. She wants to awaken his memory of her, but two times he is drugged by a soporific. He spills the soporific on the third night, stays awake, and recognizes her as his true bride. The false bride is unveiled and dies.

❋ The tale is about finding ones true mate and keeping him too, getting independent enough for that. He may not look like a million dollars at first sight, but see what he can do each night as time passes. Much depends on that.

Tipus 425:

He goes away [C932].

The young wife sets out for a long and difficult quest [H1385.4] (in iron shoes [Q502.2], etc.). On her way she is given directions and precious gifts by the sun, moon, and winds or stars [H1232] (helpful old people or animals [H1233.1.1, H1235]). She arrives (sometimes by climbing a glass mountain [H1114]) at her bridegroom's far-away residence. She finds that her husband has another (supernatural) bride.

She takes service as maid [Q482.1j and trades her precious things (golden implements for spinning, jewels, magnificent clothes, etc.) for three nights by the side of her lost husband [D2006.1.1]. She wants to awaken his memory of her, but two times he is drugged by a soporific. He spills the soporific on the third night, stays awake, and recognizes her as his true bride [D2006.1.4]. (Death of the false bride.) Cf. Type 313.

The husband leaves her, sometimes giving her vague instructions as to where she may find him. She sets out immediately on a long and sorrowful wandering. Sometimes she wears iron shoes which must be worn out before she reaches the end of her journey. She gets magic objects from an old woman (or frequently from three in succession); she asks her direction from the winds and/or stars; she climbs a steep glass mountain at the top of which she finds her husband. Before being reunited she still has to win him from the wife that he is about to marry and especially to cause him to recognize her, since he has forgotten all about her. To do this she sometimes takes service as a maid and buys with three jewels the privilege of sleeping with her husband three nights. The story always ends with the reunion of the couple and a happy marriage.

The husband disappears. Looking for her husband, in some versions, the wife has to wear out three pairs of iron shoes and three iron staffs; one after another, she reaches three cottages where her husband’s sisters live and obtains magical objects (a ball of wool, a tablecloth, a golden spinning wheel) from them. The wife trades the objects for the right to spend three nights with her husband. The man is made drunk and he remains asleep on the first two nights. On the third night the man stays awake and meets his wife. He is then disenchanted and they start living together.  

Tipus 313C:

But it is usually followed by the episode of the Forgotten Fiancée (Type 313C). In such case, after the young people have escaped, the hero tells his fiancée, or bride, that he must leave her for a short visit to his own family. She warns him against certain specific acts which will bring on magic forgetfulness: kissing his mother/grandmother/sister (female relative), or tasting food while at home. He breaks the prohibition, and loses all memory of his bride. She realizes what has hap pened and undertakes to overcome the magic forgetfulness. Frequently this does not occur until after the hero is about to marry again or even until after his marriage. In one series of tales she bribes the new bride to let her sleep beside her husband. He awakens on the third night and recovers.

"Auf ihrer Suche kommt sie zu einem alten Häuschen mit kleinen dicken Kröten. Die alte Kröte gibt ihr drei Nadeln, drei Nüsse und ein Pflugrad. Damit überwindet sie einen gläsernen Berg, drei schneidende Schwerter und reißendes Wasser und lässt sich im Schloss des Prinzen als Magd anstellen. Sie erhandelt sich von seiner neuen Braut dreimal die Erlaubnis, in seiner Kammer zu schlafen im Tausch gegen die schönen Kleider aus den drei Nüssen. Zweimal erfährt er nur von den Dienern von ihrem nächtlichen Jammern, so dass er beim dritten Mal den Schlaftrunk nicht nimmt und mit ihr flieht. Das Haus mit den Kröten ist zu einem Schloss geworden mit Kindern. Sie heiraten."

Im Märchen macht sich die Prinzessin auf die Suche nach dem verlorenen Geliebten, es ist der Teil des narzißtischen Menschen, der sich auf die Suche nach seiner Liebesfähigkeit macht. Sie nimmt alle Mühen auf sich, scheut keine Gefahr und doch macht ihr Verhalten irgendwie einen kindlichen Eindruck. Wie kann man nur, so möchte man fragen, seine eigene Persönlichkeit so vollkommen aufgeben? Wer tut so etwas? Kleine Kinder! Sie tun einfach alles, um die Liebe der Eltern zu gewinnen, überhaupt Liebe zu gewinnen. Notfalls stellen sie sich selbst und ihre Bedürfnisse zurück, um den Erwartungen der Eltern gerecht zu werden. So bleibt die Prinzessin kindlich, sucht die Abhängigkeit und glaubt, ohne diese nicht leben zu können. In ihrem Verhalten erkennt man eine Form der Abhängigkeit, die nur zu oft verwechselt wird mit reifer, partnerschaftlicher Liebe.

Nur die Frage: „Wer bin ich wirklich?“ führt weiter. Die Suchwanderung der Königstochter ist ein Bild dafür. Die Suche nach sich selbst braucht viel Anstrengung und einen enorm hohen Einsatz. Die Königstochter beginnt ihre Suche erst in der größten Not, oft ist es so, dass Menschen erst zu einer Veränderung bereit sind, wenn es ihnen sehr schlecht geht. So wie es auch ganz deutlich ist bei den Suchterkrankten, erst wenn sie ganz am Boden sind und keine Hilfe mehr ihr Leiden verlängert, dann erst bekommen sie die Chance, in ihrer Not neu zu beginnen, manche ergreifen sie dann.

Das Märchen zeigt beide Seiten der Medaille: die Königstochter, die alles hingibt, sich veräußert, alle Äußerlichkeiten opfert, um beim Königssohn zu sein. Ihre Trauer ist tief, und ich Treue hat kindlich anhänglichen Charakter. Auf der anderen Seite der Königssohn, betäubt durch Erfolg, Prestige, Macht, Einfluß und die Jagd danach. Alles wird perfektioniert, mit viel Energie erreicht, mit allen möglichen Mitteln erkämpft. Lieben zu erlernen ist da kein erstrebenswertes Ziel, das soll von alleine kommen, in der Form des richtigen Partners.