THE RED KEEP TANGO

THE GREATEST CELL BLOCK TANGO FILK SONG SO FAR!

I never thought of it myself, and it surpasses my own works!

LYRICS:

MURDERESSES:

Dracarys! 

Sip! 

Squeal! 

Uh uh!

Westeros!

Lannister!

Dracarys! 

Sip! 

Squeal! 

Uh uh!

Westeros!

Lannister!

MOCKINGBIRD (PETYR BAELISH):

And now the six merry murderesses of The Seven Kingdoms

In their rendition of 'The Red Keep Tango’

MURDERESSES:

Dracarys! 

Sip! 

Squeal! 

Uh uh!

Westeros!

Lannister!

Dracarys! 

Sip! 

Squeal! 

Uh uh!

Westeros!

Lannister!

CHORUS

Winter is coming, winter is coming

They only had themselves to blame

If you’d have been here, if you’d have lived it

I betcha you would have played the game

Dracarys! Sip! Squeal! Uh uh! Westeros! Lannister!

(REPEAT)

DRACARYS (DANY TARGARYEN):

You know how people have these little habits that get you down? 

Like... Kraznys. 

Kraznys liked to sell people. 

No, not sell -- Enslave!

So, I came to Astapor this one day

And I'm feeling disrespected 

and I’m looking for 8,000 Unsullied,

and there's Kraznys

Speaking low Valyrian and selling...

No, not selling -- Enslaving!

So, I said to him, I said

"You enslave a man one more time..." and he did.

So, I took control of them all, brought in Drogon, and with one word 

Burned off his head.

MURDERESSES:

He had it coming, he had it coming

He deserved to be in flames

If you’d have been there, if you’d have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!

SIP (MARGAERY TYRELL):

I met Joffrey Baratheon from King's Landing after the Battle of Blackwater

And he told me he was a king and we were married right away

So, we had our wedding

There was a feast, a dwarf play, he’d sip wine, we had a pie.

And then I found out, king he told me.

King, my ass!

Not only was he not Baratheon, oh no.  He had BLONDE hair.

One of those Lannisters, ya know?

So, later when he was sipping his wine

He realized his drink was a little unusual

You know, some guys just can't hold their Strangler!

MURDERESSES:

He had it coming, he had it coming

He crushed a flower growing strong

I didn’t do it, but if I done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

SQUEAL (CERSEI LANNISTER):

Now, I'm standing in the castle, having a drink before dinner

Minding my own business

In storms my husband Robert in a jealous rage!

"You been screwin' your brother!” He says

He was crazy, he kept screaming

"You been screwin' your twin brother!"

Then he ran into that boar.

He ran into that boar ten times.

MURDERESSES:

If you’d have been here, if you’d have lived it

I betcha you would have played the game

UH-UH (BRIENNE OF TARTH):

What am I doing here?  They say I stabbed Renly in the back.  But, it’s not true.  I am innocent.  I was guarding his tent.  I loved him.  I defended him.  I don’t know where the shadow came from but it just vanished.  How do you fight a shadow?  I tried to explain to his Kingsguard but they didn’t believe me.  I had to run.  

SQUEAL (CERSEI):

Yeah, but did you do it?

UH-UH (BRIENNE):

Uh uh! not guilty!

MURDERESSES:

Valar Morghulis, Valar Morghulis

WESTEROS (ARYA STARK): 

My captor, The Hound and I are heading to my aunt’s

And my sword, Needle is out there somewhere

Now every night before I go to bed 

I have this little prayer I say

Joffrey, Cersei, Ilyn Pyne, the Hound, Polliver, The Mountain

Six names, one right after the other

So, this one day in our journey

We’re traveling around Westeros

The two of us arguing, he’s demanding chickens, and I want a horse

So we go out to get one

We go to a tavern, open the door

And there’s Needle with this Lannister guard

It’s Number Five: 
Polliver!

Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out.

I can’t remember a thing, 
it wasn’t until later

When I was washing the blood off of Needle

I even knew he was dead

MURDERESSES:

Dracarys! 

Sip! 

Squeal! 

Uh uh!

Westeros!

Lannister!

Dracarys! 

Sip! 

Squeal! 

Uh uh!

Westeros!

Lannister!

LANNISTER (SHAE):

I loved Tyrion Lannister more than I could possibly say

He was a real romantic guy, sensitive, a dwarf

But he was always trying to find himself

He’d go out every night looking for himself

And on the way, he found Tysha, 
Alayaya, 
Sansa, 
and Bronn.

I guess you’d say we broke up because of irreconcilable differences.

He set me aside

And I set him up.

MURDERESSES:

The Game of Thrones, thrones, thrones, thrones, thrones 

The Game of Thrones, thrones, thrones, thrones, thrones

Valar Morghulis, Valar Morghulis 

In the end all men must die

If the Iron Throne, was yours to own

I’d betcha you woulda killed a guy

They had it comin', they had it comin'

You shouldn’t have to ask us why

‘Cause when you play it, you can’t forsake it

You either win it or you will die

DRACARYS (DANY):

You enslave a man one more time...

SIP (MARGAERY):

Baratheon my ass!

SQUEAL (CERSEI):

Ten times.

UH-UH (BRIENNE):

How do you fight a shadow?

WESTEROS (ARYA): 

Number five, Polliver.

LANNISTER (SHAE):

Irreconcilable differences.

MURDERESSES:

Dracarys! 

Sip! 

Squeal! 

Uh uh!

Westeros!

Lannister!