FREY THÉNARDIERS PARODY

This time, another filk I posted on my Facebook Westeros groups. This is a parody of the Thénardier Song from the Les Mis musical. Because I luv to h8 the Freys, and especially their old sod of a lord.
Monsieur Thénardier is Walder Frey, Madame Thénardier is Catelyn Stark.
And Mrs. Norris makes a cameo (a Cat holds another cat hostage...)

FREY THÉNARDIER PARODY:
MASTER OF THE TWINS

LORD WALDER:
Welcome, monsieur, sit down your arse,
if you should cross, please marry my lass...
As for the rest, fighting their war,
we will stay neutral like e'er before...

Seldom have you seen
honest lords like me,
a gent of good intent who's content to be...

Master of the Twins,
patriarch of the Freys,
ready for a marriage of state come what may.
Some still call me Filch,
others say I'm old...
Few appreciate me, as I have been told.
Everybody loves the Frey lord,
every single guest's a friend...
But watch out if you wed another, 'cause I'll bleed you in the end!

FREY CHORUS:
Master of the Twins,
patriarch of the Freys,
ready for a marriage of state come what may.
Neutral in the war,
great chargé d'affaires,
Lannisters and Starks will be caught unawares!
Though he is octogenarian,
still he keeps fresh as a rose...
But watch out if you cross the Crossing, or he'll force you to propose!

LORD WALDER:
Food beyond compare,
food beyond belief,
lots of Dornish wine so we forget all grief!
See, here comes King Robb,
and Queen Mother Cat,
bridegroom is her brother, and they'll pay for that!
Riverlanders more than welcome...
Bridal suite is occupied...
Wedding at our sept and feast, plus a few extras on our side...

Northerners are ice,
lust has been their vice,
ere Robb wed for love, he'd have to think it twice!
Here a little stab,
there a little cut,
three more for those who can't just keep their mouths shut!
When it comes to fixing prices,
there are lots of tricks I know...
How it rises up to eleven, no safe haven,
Seven Heavens! It's amazing how it grows!

CATELYN STARK, QUEEN MOTHER IN THE NORTH AND SISTER OF THE BRIDEGROOM:
I always dreamed that Robb would wed a Frey...
But... Seven Heavens... have you seen what happened since that day?
Master of the Twins,
only second rate,
though he's in his eighties
he still procreates...
Cunning little shrew,
regular Tywin...
Thinks he's quite His Lordship,
but at all can't win!
What a cruel trick of fortune!
Things did never go my way!
The Seven know how much I'll last with this bastard of a Frey!

DRUNKEN FREYS:
Master of the Twins!
CATELYN:
Master and a half!
DRUNKEN FREYS:
Ready for a marriage of state...
CATELYN:
Don't make me laugh! (holds Mrs. Norris hostage, putting a blade to her throat)
DRUNKEN FREYS:
Neutral in the war,
great chargé d'affaires...
CATELYN:
If it weren't for my dad, you won't be there!
DRUNKEN FREYS:
Everybody bless our good host!
CATELYN:
Everybody curse the Freys!
DRUNKEN FREYS:
Everybody raise a glass!
CATELYN:
Raise it up His Lordship's arse!
DRUNKEN FREYS:
Everybody raise a glass for our good host Lord Walder Frey!
(At the coda of the song, one of them slits Catelyn's throat)