INGLORIOUS CHAPTER TITLES

So I am making up this historical fic without a title (so far).
It takes place throughout Northern Europe in the 17th century and features themes such as love, war, power, freedom, neoteny, vampirism (I AM NOT KIDDING. There is a neotenic female character and a bunch of real vampires!!)...
The plot is the following: it is the life of Elfrieda, born a child of performers but adopted and raised (a foundling) by aristocrats. She is purple-haired and odd-eyed, with long, pointy ears. And neotenic, meaning she stays a teenager in appearance and health throughout her life. So, she finds a place as a court entertainer, then accompanies the electoress's daughter to Sweden upon her marriage to Gustavus Adolphus. Aside from Elfrieda, there is Karlis, one of her nephews, a university student turned lieutenant. He is obviously described as the epitome of male Nordic cuteness. And the backdrop is the war front... there is a huge cast, magical events, etcetera...
It is my tribute to (and also my slight parody of) Victorian door-stoppers like Les Miserables, Moby Dick, and War and Peace.

Here are a few of the best chapter titles:

• Entertainers in Early Modern Times
• Kaiser Ferdinand at his Court in the Viennese Hofburg, and Lord Wallenstein at his Court in Schloss Friedland
• One Eye of a Different Colour
• The Difference between Beauty and Cuteness
• An Old Walloon and a Young Friedlander
• An Ascetic and an Aesthete
• A Redoubtable Alliance, Dissolved due to Irreconcilable Differences
• The Breitenfeld Debacle: the Catholic View
• The Breitenfeld Landslide: the Protestant View
• Elfrieda's First Confession to Karlis
• Wallenstein in his Tower in Schloss Friedland, by Midnight
• A Thorough Description of the Lech-Danube Confluence
• Crossing the Lech Proves Crossing the Rubicon
• The Kaiser's Left-Hand Man Rises Beyond his Expectations
• A Thorough Description of the Plains of Lützen
• The Fatal Sixth of November
• Mary Eleanor of Hohenzollern Vs. the Council of Regents
• The Flight from Gripsholm
• A Digression on the Viability of Resurrection
• Karlis Makes a Difficult Decision
• Fräulein von W*********n becomes Frau Schulze, therefore Losing her Disgraceful Surname
• A Young Clergywoman, with the Mind of a Philosopher, visits Versailles