THE PELL-MELL TANGO

THE PELL-MELL TANGO

ALL PERSONS FICTITIOUS DISCLAIMER

This filk is more or less based upon real events in my own life.
I have omitted the surnames of the people involved (except my mother) to protect their identity.
Yet all the events and characters described are fictitious.
Any similarity to real-life people, living or dead,
or to real-life events,
is purely coincidental.

ELENA:
Shut!
ANDREU:
Thrones!
PILAR:
Clutch!
ÉTIENNE:
Oh wow!
MARTA:
El Cau!
YERAY:
Sandra!

KAPO:
And now, the six merry murderers of the Dermark Superego Prison
in their rendition of... the Pell-Mell Tango!

ELENA:
Shut!
ANDREU:
Thrones!
PILAR:
Clutch!
ÉTIENNE:
Oh wow!
MARTA:
El Cau!
YERAY:
Sandra!

ELENA:
Shut!
ANDREU:
Thrones!
PILAR:
Clutch!
ÉTIENNE:
Oh wow!
MARTA:
El Cau!
YERAY:
Sandra!

ALL:

She had it coming,

she had it coming,

she only had herself to blame...

and if you'd been there,

and if you'd seen it,

I bet my life you'd done the same!

ELENA:
Shut!
ANDREU:
Thrones!
PILAR:
Clutch!
ÉTIENNE:
Oh wow!
MARTA:
El Cau!
YERAY:
Sandra!

ELENA:
Shut!
ANDREU:
Thrones!
PILAR:
Clutch!
ÉTIENNE:
Oh wow!
MARTA:
El Cau!
YERAY:
Sandra!

ELENA:

You know how people have these little habits that get you down.

Like... Sandra.

My daughter needs to sleep with the window shut.

No, not closed. Shut.

So this one evening, I'm not in the best of moods,

and I'm really irritated,

and I'm looking for a little sympathy.

And there's Sandra, 

quickly drawing the persienne, crushing my poor impatiens below...

not making the persienne close. Shut.

So I said to her...

"You shut that window one more time..."

And she did.

So I took the impatiens in its pot

and I relocated it 

to another window ledge.

She had it coming,

she had it coming,

she only had herself to blame...

and if you'd been there,

and if you'd seen it,

I bet my life you'd done the same!

ANDREU:

I met Sandra Dermark at James I University about two years ago,

and she told me she was single and she liked Game of Thrones.

We hit it off right away.

So we started broing around together!

She'd come to our place at around one pm, I'd fix her a drink, we'd have lunch...

Then I found out... "Robb Stark", I asked her?

Robb Stark my arse!
Not only was she indifferent to Robb...
Oh, no.

She liked Renly Baratheon.
One of those gay fangirls, you know.

So that night, when she came to us after class,

I fixed her a drink, as usual.

You know, some girls just can't hold their Monster!

She had it coming, 

she had it coming,

she took a Robb fan in his prime...

and then she told me

she preferred Renly...

it was an outrage, but not a crime!

ELENA:
Shut!
ANDREU:
Thrones!
PILAR:
Clutch!
ÉTIENNE:
Oh wow!
MARTA:
El Cau!
YERAY:
Sandra!

PILAR:

Now I'm standing in my office,

correcting a nice stack of exams,

minding my own business...

In storms that half-Swede Sandra in a desperate rage!

"You'd better give me that exam in advance!"

She was crazy, and she kept on screaming:

"You'd better give me that exam in advance!"

And then, she ran into my trachea.

She ran into my trachea four times.

And if you'd been there,

and if you'd seen it,

I bet my life you'd done the same!

ÉTIENNE:

Mais qu'est-ce que j'ai contre Mademoiselle Dermark?

C'est absolutement rien de rien!

J'étais a Saint Paul's Bay, dans ce restaurant...

et le maître d'hôtel n'a compris pas le français...

Alors, cette jeune Suédoise s'a mis a chanter la Marseillaise...

et j'ai monté sur la table et chanté aussi!

Elle me disait qu'elle était "lieutenant"...

est-ce que c'est un nom de guerre?

C'était redoutable!

ANDREU:

Yeah, but did she annoy you?

ÉTIENNE:

Oh wow! She was great!

MARTA:

My significant other Ester and I had this internship at this institution,

and a clever girl called Sandra used to live and study there.

Now, for this crucial phase in our lives, we discussed all of these themes in a row:

anime, classical myths, philosophy, psychology, films, drinking games, romance,

one right after the other.

Now the institution where we had our internship was called El Cau.

The three of us,

talking and having a few laughs...

and Sandra got a secret from Ester,

so I had to get it out of her.

I coax our mutual friend, she clears her throat,

and she tells me Ester has started a new love affair.

It's with a man!

Well, I was in such a state of shock,

I completely blacked out.

I don't remember a thing.

It wasn't until later, 
when Ester stopped talking to me,

I even knew she was right.

I had it coming,

I had it coming,

I had it coming all along...

They didn't do it,

but if they'd done it,

how could you tell me that they were wrong!

I had it coming,

I had it coming,

I had it coming all along...

They didn't do it,

but if they'd done it,

how could you tell me that they were wrong!

YERAY:

I hated Sandra Dermark more than I can possibly say.

She was a real awkward wench... loved to read... a nerd.

But she was always trying to catch me.

She'd go every day to the headmistress trying to catch me

and the headmistress expelled Rogelio, Ulises, Willy, and me.

I guess you could say I stopped teasing her because of cultural differences.

I saw her as a nerd

and she saw me as a perv.

This is the end, end, end, end, end, end!

This is the end, end, end, end, end, end!

ALL:

She had it coming,

she had it coming,

she had it coming all along...

I didn't do it,

but if I'd done it,

how would you tell me that I was wrong?

She had it coming,

she had it coming,

she only had herself to blame...

and if you'd been there,

and if you'd seen it,

I bet my life you'd done the same!

ELENA:

"You shut that window one more time..."

ANDREU:

Robb Stark my arse!

PILAR:

She ran into my trachea four times.

ÉTIENNE:

Je voudrais retrouver cette jeune fille...

MARTA:

A new love affair.

It's with a man!

YERAY:

Cultural differences.

ELENA:
Shut!
ANDREU:
Thrones!
PILAR:
Clutch!
ÉTIENNE:
Oh wow!
MARTA:
El Cau!
YERAY:
Sandra!

ELENA:
Shut!
ANDREU:
Thrones!
PILAR:
Clutch!
ÉTIENNE:
Oh wow!
MARTA:
El Cau!
YERAY:
Sandra!