DEATH OF A PRICK

The greatest prick in the Good Book, IMOHO, was a posh landowner called Naval or Nabal, id est, F-O-O-L.

The manner in which he died is priceless: a self-induced heart attack...

Before David left his camp in the forest of Ziph to pass over 
to Philistia, an interesting incident occurred.
I have already alluded, your Majesty, to Nabal, betrothed to 
the lovely village maiden Abigail, who gave David water when, 
the year before, a fugitive, he sat thirsty and weary by the well 
under the palm-trees. The bridegroom, who was much her 
senior, and whom she had married by compulsion on the part 
of her parents for his great wealth in flocks, herds, and lands, 
proved an avaricious and churlish man, and treated her rather 
as his slave than his wife. While David and his followers were 
encamped between Maon and Carmel, where Nabal dwelt with 
his young wife, he would have lost a portion of his flocks by 
the incursion of a band of desert robbers, but for the assistance 
of David's men, who drove them away, and gave protection to 
the herdsmen. 

Some weeks afterwards, David being greatly in want of pro 
visions for his garrison, and recalling the service his people had 
done the rich Nabal, he sent to Nabal ten men to bring what 
soever he could spare, bidding his messengers say to him, 
"Peace be both to thee, and peace be to thine house, and peace 
be unto all thou hast. Whatsoever cometh to thine hand give 
unto the servants of thy son David." 

When the men came to Nabal, and delivered their captain's 
gracious words, he roughly answered them :

" Who is David, and who is the son of Jesse ye speak of ? 
There be many servants nowadays that break away from 
their masters. Shall I take bread, and flesh, and water, and 
give it unto men whom I know not whence they be ? " 

When the young men returned to David, and reported his 
words to him, his indignation was justly kindled at this treat 
ment by Nabal of one who had done him service. 

" Gird ye on every man his sword," he cried, buckling on his 
own sword ; and, at the head of four hundred of his men of 
war, he hastened to punish Nabal for his inhospitable conduct. 
News of his march came to the ears of his young and beautiful 
wife, and when she knew all (for she had not seen David's 
messengers, who had met Nabal in the field), in great alarm 
she secretly made haste, and took two hundred loaves of bread, 
two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five measures of parched 
corn, a hundred clusters of raisins, and two hundred cakes of 
figs, and lading several beasts with them, she went forward witli 
her servants to meet David. When she came near she alighted, 
and bowed herself to the ground, and when he raised her veil, 
he, with surprise and pleasure, recognised the fair face of the 
maiden he had seen at the well. Eloquently she entreated him 
to forego his vengeance, and accept the peace-offering she had 
brought. The young captain received of her hand her gifts, 
and said, " Go in peace to thine house. Thou hast prevailed, 
and for thy sake I spare thy offending lord." 

When Nabal, on her return, was informed by her how David 
in fierce wrath was coming upon him, with four hundred armed 
men, to destroy him, and how she had averted the danger, his 
heart sank within him, and struck as with lightning, he fell 
back paralysed. Ten days afterwards he died. 

When David heard of the death of Nabal, and the days of 
her mourning were passed, he sent to Abigail and asked her to 
become his wife : and not long before the departure of David 
to pass over to the court of Achish, he married the beautiful 
widow of Nabal, and took her with him into the land of the 
Philistines.