OH, SOLON, SOLON!

OH, SOLON, SOLON!
A play by Sandra Dermark

ACT 1
This is King Croesus (pronounced Kreesus) of Lydia. And Solon, the great Greek sage, is coming over to his court for a while. No surprise he's getting the full guided tour.
CROESUS: Don't I have beautiful gardens?
SOLON: ...
CROESUS: Roses, lilies, plums, peaches, cherries, lemons, peonies...
SOLON: ...
CROESUS: Don't I have wonderful furniture?
SOLON: Erm... I'm fond of walnut wood.
CROESUS: At least we have something in common... And the tapestries...?
SOLON: ...
CROESUS: Pure silk, from the Far East. Dragons and maidens, and shrines...
SOLON: ...
CROESUS: I've got a room full of seashells from all oceans.
SOLON: ...
In the seashell room. The walls, even the ceiling, are covered with diverse shells from different parts of the world.
SOLON: ...
CROESUS: So you're not impressed by my collection? I thought you'd be more talkative...
SOLON: ...
CROESUS (over the top): Prepare the feast!!
In the banquet hall. A huge table laden with diverse cakes and pies. Servants of both genders hurrying and scurrying about. The King and his guest at the table, surrounded by courtiers.
CROESUS: Maids! Eunuchs! Courtiers!
SOLON: ... Pie.
CROESUS: In fact, I have everything a single gentleman can wish for. Except for one thing I lack and you have in excess.
SOLON: ... Brains.
CROESUS: Exactly! Clever-clever-clever!! So I wanted to ask you something... do you know anyone happier than me?
SOLON: ... (silent for 20 seconds)
CROESUS: Don't be shy!! Do you know anyone happier than me?
SOLON: I have in mind two young brothers who toiled hard and honestly to support their ailing mother. And, when she died, both joined the army and fell on the field of glory.
CROESUS: (ironic) Who cares about those poor peasant privates? (pointing at his own chest) So, is THIS royal personage REALLY happier???
SOLON: ... One can only be called happy at the end of the day. No one knows what kind of misfortunes the future may have in store.
CROESUS (over the top): There is the Oracle! I have the Oracle on my side.
SOLON (whispers): Even oracles are fallible...
CROESUS (over the top): What were... you... whispering?? OK. Eunuchs! Send him away!
The sage sneaks out of the hall as the command is issued.

ACT 2

Many years after this there arose in Asia a 
powerful king whose name was Cyrus. At the 

head of a great army he marched from one country 
to another, overthrowing many a kingdom and 
attaching it to his great empire.

Today is the eve of battle. And Croesus, worried about the outcome of the confrontation, is consulting the Oracle. In the King's pavilion in the war camp, on a field before the palace, His Majesty with the Oracle, his aide-de-camp, and a couple of eunuchs.
CROESUS (over the top): So, how will the battle end?
ORACLE: A great power will fall.
CROESUS (over the top): Send away the Oracle! We're going to start the victory celebrations today!!

ACT 3
The decisive battle has been won by one army and lost by the other.

King Croesus with all his wealth was not able to stand 
against this mighty warrior. He resisted as long 
as he could. Then his beautiful 

palace was burned, his orchards and gardens 

were destroyed, his treasures were carried away, 
and he himself was made prisoner. 

"The stubbornness of this man Croesus," said 
King Cyrus, " has caused us much trouble and the 
loss of many good soldiers. Take him and make 
an example of him for other petty kings who may 
dare to stand in our way." 

Thereupon the soldiers seized Croesus and 
dragged him to the marketplace, handling him 
pretty roughly all the time. Then they built up 
a great pile of dry sticks and timber taken from the 
ruins of his once beautiful palace. When this was 
finished they tied the unhappy king in the midst 
of it, and one ran for a torch to set it on fire. 

A public square. An officer, an executioner with a torch, soldiers, onlookers. The conqueror on his throne before the stake to which his routed enemy is tied.
SOLDIER 1: Now we shall have a merry blaze.
OFFICER: Savage fellows!
SOLDIER 2: What good can all his wealth do him now ?
OFFICER: Fire!!
EXECUTIONER: Yes, sir! (he puts the torch close to the firewood beneath the stake)
CROESUS (desperate): OH, SOLON, SOLON!
EXECUTIONER: Oh, I forgot the last wish. Do you have any last request?
CROESUS (desperate): OH, SOLON, SOLON!
OFFICER: Solon? As in Solon the Sage? Pardon me... He is no more.
CROESUS (desperate): OH, SOLON, SOLON! He said happiness... that you can only be called happy when you are already... Guess he must be pretty happy now.
The officer leaves and turns to the king on the throne. They whisper for a while. Then, the officer returns by the stake.
OFFICER (to the EXECUTIONER): Stop!
Everyone at the market is left speechless for a while.
OFFICER (to CROESUS): His Majesty seems to be rather touched by your quote. You're pardoned. Guards! Loosen his ropes and set him free! We've got a vacant place at court...
They untie his ropes and take him before the throne, where two old enemies finally enjoy some pleasant conversation.

THE END.