THE SIX WIVES TANGO

 THE SIX WIVES TANGO

ARAGON: Nun!

BOLEYN: Head!

SEYMOUR: Son!

CLEVES: Uh uh!

HOWARD: Love affairs!

PARR: Henry!

CROMWELL: And now, the six merry queens of the Tudor Royal Court in their rendition of

The Six Wives Tango...

ARAGON: Nun!

BOLEYN: Head!

SEYMOUR: Son!

CLEVES: Uh uh!

HOWARD: Love affairs!

PARR: Henry!

ARAGON: Nun!

BOLEYN: Head!

SEYMOUR: Son!

CLEVES: Uh uh!

HOWARD: Love affairs!

PARR: Henry!

We had it coming,

we had it coming,

we only had ourselves to blame...

If you had been me,

and if you knew him,

he would have certainly done the same!!

ARAGON: Nun!

BOLEYN: Head!

SEYMOUR: Son!

CLEVES: Uh uh!

HOWARD: Love affairs!

PARR: Henry!

ARAGON: Nun!

BOLEYN: Head!

SEYMOUR: Son!

CLEVES: Uh uh!

HOWARD: Love affairs!

PARR: Henry!

ARAGON:

You know how people have these little habits that let you down.

Like Enrique.

Enrique wanted a male heir. Not a daughter; a son, a boy.

So this one day I am reading to my girl María and I'm really irritated because he prefer my handmaid and I'm really looking for some sympathy.

And there's Enrique with Anne on his arm, stealing a kiss. And telling me he wants a divorce.

So I said to him:

"You ask for that divorce one more time..."

And he did.

So I left the royal court for Kimbolton

and I cloistered myself.

Became a nun.

BOLEYN:

I met Henry at the Flemish court when we were adolescents, and he told me he was single.

We hit it off right away.

He'd leave for the lists or the tennis court, I'd fix him a drink, we'd have supper... and then I found out.

Single he told me? Single ma derrière!

He already had a wife: one of those Catholic Royals you know...

Still he divorced her, we tied the knot, had a little girl and a few abortions.

So one day, he sent me to the Tower ere he left for the tennis court; he'd laid eyes on the new handmaid, as usual.

You know some chaps can't attend their wives' execution!

I had it coming,

I had it coming,

I took for granted he'd be kind...

And then was bedded,

and then beheaded,

to no avail my wit and mind!

SEYMOUR:

Now I am lying on my sickbed,

tossing feverishly, burning with thirst,

wondering if I will make it through...

In storms my husband Henry, mad with elation!

"You gave me that male heir!!"

He was insane, and he kept on screaming:

"Our son's name shall be Edward!"

And then I went numb, icy cold.

And then everything went dark.

CLEVES:

Aber warum bin ich hier?

Trotz dass ich eine Ausländerin bin ist mein Leben ein Traum hier auf mein eigenes Schloss in Richmond...!

Ich weiss nicht warum Heinrich so enttäuscht mit mir war.

Das Porträt war wahrscheinlich schöner als mein Gesicht wirklich ist...

ARAGON:

Yeah but did you do it?

CLEVES:

Uh uh! Unschuldig!

HOWARD:

My husband Henry and I had this relationship,

and his courtier Thomas used to tag along with us.

I was particularly fond of Thomas and whenever it was just the two of us I showed him all of my erotic tricks in a row!

One, two, three, four, five,

Sexual foreplay, pecks, light slaps, long kisses, French kisses, one right after the other!

Now this one night we were at Whitehall Palace, the three of us, and I was thinking of my love affairs.

And we ran out of mead, and fearing the cupbearer would try to poison us, Henry left to get some.

He comes back, opens the door - and there's Thomas and Yours Truly performing Number Seventeen: the French kiss!!

I was in such a state of shock I blacked out, I don't remember a thing...

It wasn't until later, when I laid my head on the chopping block, I even knew I had to die.

I had it coming,

I had it coming,

I had it coming, all along...

I didn't do much

but if I'd done it,

who could have told me that I was wrong?

PARR:

I knew Henry Tudor for as long as I remember.

He was a really irritable chap... short-fused, a tyrant... and he was always trying to find himself.

He had spent decades trying to find himself

and on the way he'd found Catalina, Anne, Jane, Anna, and Kitty.

I guess we broke up because of irreconciliable differences.

He saw himself as alive

and I saw him dead.

The dirty bum bum bum bum...

The dirty bum bum bum bum...

I had it coming,

I had it coming,

I had it coming, all along...

I didn't do much

but if I'd done it,

who could have told me that I was wrong?

We had it coming,

we had it coming,

we only had ourselves to blame...

If you had been me,

and if you knew him,

he would have certainly done the same!!

ARAGON: You ask for that divorce one more time...

BOLEYN: Single ma derrière!

SEYMOUR: Our son's name shall be Edward!

CLEVES: Mein eigenes Schloss in Richmond!

HOWARD: Number Seventeen: the French Kiss!

PARR: Irreconciliable differences.

ARAGON: Nun!

BOLEYN: Head!

SEYMOUR: Son!

CLEVES: Uh uh!

HOWARD: Love affairs!

PARR: Henry!