COUNTDOWN TO LÜTZEN I: WET FEET

The Mad Hatter before the pond scum debacle (elevator mirror selfie).

Yesterday I walked the streets of Valencia while trick-or-treating as the Mad Hatter. And of course I took to raising the wrist -- a red beer and a shot of some herbal liquor that smelled more like perfume soon went to the head under this badass top hat and revolutionised everything.

I returned home singing villain songs out of key - Be Prepared, Kill the Beast, Masters of the House, Poor Unfortunate Souls, No Batteries, you name it. Then I fell into a pond in the Turia riverbed and landed smack dab on my keister. That splash alone, wet and cold, sufficed to make me sober up and stain my precious Gant-brand shirt and slip-on shoes with pond scum.