ONCE UPON 24 TIMES: STORY VI

Story the Sixth:
Four of Wands
Jack and the Beanstalk
The beans?
I only knew how much a half dozen was,
and the old lady gave me six beans for the cow
that had been headed for the abattoir
(the crone seemed older than Milky herself,
whose udders' store had come to an end,
and who was only good for beef).
Little did I know what those tiny seeds held within:
the key and the ladder to the skies,
the green ladder that grew while the pitter-patter
of rain on the shutters lulled me off to sleep.
The next day in the morn, I realised
that nothing would be the same anymore.
The golden goose?
We ate her roasted for Saint Martin,
since Mum had gutted her to get inside
that fleshy manufacture of golden eggs.
And so we had to take our defeat
and content ourselves with the eggs the goose had already laid.
But the beanstalk still rose to pierce the clouds,
and there were oversized ranges of treasure up there,
I knew it well.
So up I went for the second time.
I had already got used to finding,
up there, titans who spoke a strange language:
"FIADH FIÚ FOGH FEUM!"
(I still haven't found out what the heck it means)
The harp?
I've made my career on it as a bard,
singing at hall and tavern alike
of maidens, and monsters, and dragons, and wizards...
I have boasted left and right of other oversized humanoids
I have allegedly overcome...
"Slain seven in Devon?" Actually, seven mosquitoes!
"Here is the gallant Cornishman..." I forged the magistrate's handwriting...
What you should know,
dear listeners,
dear readers,
is that at least the beginning was real;
the part with the beans, the golden goose...
all of that happened in real life,
as sure as my name is Jack.
Trust me.


COMMENTARIES:
The "slain seven" part is a conflation with another Jack tale, that of the Plucky Little Tailor. And the unusual spelling of "fee fi fo fum"? It's Gaelic. The giants in the sky, as monstrous Others, may be regarded as a fantastic demonised interpretation of those who spoke Gaelic rather than English: "FIADH FIÚ FOGH FEUM!" means "GOOD FOOD, SUFFICIENT FOR MY HUNGER!" (My Jack, of course, doesn't know the meaning of the words).