THE BLACK PLAQUE TANGO

THE BLACK PLAQUE TANGO
This is the Cell Block Tango filk of my own creation with more queerness, more sweets, and 100 percent original characters.
The idea came today while buying sweets, for I bought peach gummies, green frog gummies, sunny side up egg gummies, gummy bears, cream kisses, and cola gummies.
I had the Cell Block Tango on my mind and I started to chant for myself: "Peach, frogs, eggs, uh-uh!... Kisseros, cola!"
Hence the idea.
The Hunyak character Estela speaks Spanish, my own mother tongue.

[Lizzie]
Peach!
[Katla]
Frogs!
[Janette]
Eggs!
[Estela]
Uh-uh!
[Violette]
Kisseros!
[Persephone]
Cola!

[Lizzie]
Peach!
[Katla]
Frogs!
[Janette]
Eggs!
[Estela]
Uh-uh!
[Violette]
Kisseros!
[Persephone]
Cola!

[Announcer]
And now, the Six Merry Murderesses of Riboha County Jail
in their rendition of the Black Plaque Tango!

[Lizzie]
Peach!
[Katla]
Frogs!
[Janette]
Eggs!
[Estela]
Uh-uh!
[Violette]
Kisseros!
[Persephone]
Cola!

[Lizzie]
Peach!
[Katla]
Frogs!
[Janette]
Eggs!
[Estela]
Uh-uh!
[Violette]
Kisseros!
[Persephone]
Cola!

They had it coming
They had it coming
They only had themselves to blame!
If you had been there,
if you had seen it,
I bet ya you'd have done the same!

[Lizzie]
You know how people have these little habits that let you down...
Like... Miss Hills.
Miss Hills told us always to eat more fruit.
No, not sweets. FRUIT.
So I come to phys ed class this one day, and I'm really cross because of my maths grades.
So I'm looking for a little more sympathy.
And there's Miss Hills, standing upright as if she had swallowed a rapier,
looking at the stash of peach gummies I am finishing.
Yes, it contains real fruit!
So she said to me: "You have gummies one more time..."
and I said: "It's fruit!"
So I took out the last two peach gummies 
and I fired them as a warning
INTO HER FACE!

She had it coming,
she had it coming, 
she only had herself to blame.
If you had been there,
if you had seen it,
I bet ya you'd had done the same!

[Lizzie]
Peach!
[Katla]
Frogs!
[Janette]
Eggs!
[Estela]
Uh-uh!
[Violette]
Kisseros!
[Persephone]
Cola!

[Lizzie]
Peach!
[Katla]
Frogs!
[Janette]
Eggs!
[Estela]
Uh-uh!
[Violette]
Kisseros!
[Persephone]
Cola!

[Katla]
I met Killian Green in Chelsea about two years ago.
And he told me he was single... and we hit it off right away.
So we started living together: he'd leave for his roleplays, he'd come home,
I'd fix him a drink, and then we'd have supper, then a good period piece and sweets for two...
And then, I found out...
"Single", he told me... SINGLE MY ANUS!
He had six significant others.
One of those live action roleplayers, you know.
So that evening, when he came home, I fixed him his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold their poison frogs!

He had it coming,
he had it coming, 
he took a princess in her prime,
and then he used her, 
and he abused her...
It was a murder, but not a crime!

[Janette]
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen, 
frying some eggs sunny side up for supper,
minding my own business,
and in storms my dear Rebecca in a jealous rage!
"You've been screwing the waitress!", she said.
She had completely freaked out and kept on screaming:
"You've been screwing the waitress!"
And then she ran into my eggs. 
She ran into my eggs twelve times!

If you had been there,
if you had seen it,
I bet ya you'd had done the same!

[Estela]
¿Qué es lo que estoy haciendo aquí?
Dicen por ahí que lo estoy haciendo con un oso de verdad.
Pero no es así. Yo soy inocente.
No sé por qué la gente dice que tengo un oso vivo en casa.
He intentado explicarles que sólo me gustan los ositos de gominola y de peluche,
pero parece que nadie en el universo se atreva a creerme.
[Lizzie]
Yeah, but did you do it?
[Estela]
Uh-uh! Not guilty!

[Violette]
My brother Étienne and I had this double act,
and my significant other Renée travelled around with us.
Now, for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row:
one, two, three, four, five,
moonwalking, flip-flops, cartwheels, somersaults, one right after the other.
So, this one night before the show, we were in the Unbirthday Party Inn, the three of us, quaffing and having a few laughs, getting a little warmed up with liquid courage...
And we ran out of ice.
So I went out to get some.
I come back, open the door...
and there's Étienne and Renée doing Number Sixty-Nine,
giving each other cream kisseros.
Well, I was in such a state of shock I completely blacked out.
I don't remember anything. Absolute zero.
It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off their cream kisseros,
I even knew they were dead.

They had it coming
they had it coming
they had it coming all along...
I didn't do it,
but if I'd done it, 
how could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it coming
they had it coming
they had it coming all along...
I didn't do it,
but if I'd done it, 
how could you tell me that I was wrong?

[Persephone]
I loved cola more than I can possibly say.
It tasted so good, and so refreshing... aphrodisiac.
So, when shopping, I was always trying to find it.
I'd go out every evening trying to find it.
And on the way, I found horchata, guarapo, iced tea, and Red Cow.
I guess you can say I gave up because of aesthetic differences.
I saw it as the only one,
and I see it as just one more.

[All]
As just one more, more, more, more, more!
As just one more, more, more, more, more!

They had it coming
they had it coming
they had it coming all along...
I didn't do it,
but if I'd done it, 
how could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it coming
they had it coming
they had it coming all along...
I didn't do it,
but if I'd done it, 
how could you tell me that I was wrong?

[Lizzie]
"You have gummies one more time..."
[Katla]
SINGLE MY ANUS.
[Janette]
She ran into my eggs twelve times!

[Estela]

Todo por unos ositos de gominola y de peluche...
[Violette]
Number Sixty-Nine, giving each other cream kisseros.
[Persephone]
Aesthetic differences.

[Lizzie]
Peach!
[Katla]
Frogs!
[Janette]
Eggs!
[Estela]
Uh-uh!
[Violette]
Kisseros!
[Persephone]
Cola!